Natural Born Killers

Dr. Emil Reingold:
Mickey and Mallory know the difference between right and wrong; they just don't give a damn.

Mallory:
I do. 'Til you and I die, and die, and die again. 'Til death do us part.

Wayne Gale:
I thought a bond developed between us!

Mickey:
No. Not really. You're scum, Wayne; you did it for RATINGS. You don't give a sh*t about us or anybody else except yourself; that's why nobody gives a sh*t about YOU. That's why "helicopters" were not "deployed."

Wayne Gale:
Their subsequent trial turned into a sick, pathetic circus. The trial of Mickey and Mallory Knox was SUCH an event, that it made the crime spree that preceded it pale by comparison. The nation caught Mickey and Mallory fire!

Mallory:
I don't think I'm gonna make it. I feel so cold.

Mickey:
You're gonna make it, Mal. Get mad.

Mickey:
Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."

Mickey:
The media is like the weather, only it's man-made weather.

Mickey:
Turn left? Turn left to what you stupid b*tch?

Mallory:
You stupid b*tch? You stupid b*tch? You stupid b*tch? Mickey, that's what my father used to call me! I thought you'd be a little more creative than that!

Mickey:
We'll be living in all the oceans now.

Mallory:
You make every day feel like kindergarten.

Mallory:
How sexy am I now, huh? Flirty boy! How sexy am I now?

Mallory:
That the worst f***in' head I ever got in my life! Next time don't be so f***in' eager!

Mickey:
Let me tell you something, this is the 1990's, alright? In this day and age a man has to have choices, a man has to have a little bit of variety.

Mallory:
What are you talking about, "variety"? Hostages? You wanna f*** some other women now? Is that what you're talking about, Mickey?

Ed Wilson:
I'll show her a little tenderness, after I eat. When I get up there, she won't see my face for an hour.

Mallory:
You made my shitlist!

Son:
What the hell is that?

Mickey:
Well, let's give that key lime pie a day in court, and a big old glass of non-fat milk, if you please.

Mickey:
The whole world's comin' to an end, Mal!

Mallory:
I see angels, Mickey. They're comin' down for us from heaven. And I see you ridin' a big red horse, and you're driving them horses, whippin' 'em, and the're spitting and frothing all 'long the mouth, and the're coming right at us. And I see the future, a vision of death, 'cause you and I, we're angels...

Mickey:
I love you, Mal.

Mallory:
I know you do baby, and I've loved you since the day we met.

Wayne Gale:
Repetition works, David. Repetition works, David.

Mickey:
You ain't seen nothin' yet.

Mickey:
We're not killing anybody on our wedding day.

Dwight McClusky:
Love makes the world go round, heh heh heh.

Mickey:
I realized my true calling in life.

Wayne Gale:
What's that?

Mickey:
Sh*t, man, I'm a natural born killer.

Scagnetti:
I was born and spent the first part of my life in Texas.

Dwight McClusky:
That's funny, you don't have the accent.

Scagnetti:
I don't wanna talk like those a**holes.

Dwight McClusky:
My mother was from Texas!

Scagnetti:
I meant those other a**holes.

Napalatoni:
Warden!

Dwight McClusky:
Yes! What is it, Natapundi?

Napalatoni:
Napalatoni!

Dwight McClusky:
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR F***ING NAME IS!

Napalatoni:
Mickey and Mallory Knox are loose, Scagnetti's dead, and they're live on national TV!

Dwight McClusky:
LIVE ON NATIONAL TV? JESUS HAROLD CHRIST ON A F***ING RUBBER CRUTCH, IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?

Dwight McClusky:
Just how far do you think you're gonna get?

Mickey:
Right out the front door!

Dwight McClusky:
THAT WILL *NEVER HAPPEN!*

Mickey:
It IS happenin'.

Dwight McClusky:
I will personally hunt you down, blow the head off your f***ing whore wife, AND PLANT YOUR SICK ASS IN THE GROUND ALL BY MYSELF!

Mickey:
Another day, perhaps, but not today!

Old Indian:
Once upon a time, a woman was picking up firewood. She came upon a poisonous snake frozen in the snow. She took the snake home and nursed it back to health. One day the snake bit her on the cheek. As she lay dying, she asked the snake, "Why have you done this to me?" And the snake answered, "Look, b*tch, you knew I was a snake."

Mickey:
It's fate, you know. Nobody can stop fate, nobody can.

Mickey:
Right now I'd go down on a lawman for a gallon of gas.

Mickey:
It's just murder. All God's creatures do it. You look in the forests and you see species killing other species, our species killing all species including the forests, and we just call it industry, not murder.

Scagnetti:
Oswald might've been a p*ssy, but he was a great shot.

Dwight McClusky:
I'm surprised Hollywood ain't caught up with you yet, your story'd make a much better movie than that Serpico sh*t.

Dwight McClusky:
Mickey & Mallory Knox are without a doubt the most twisted depraved pair of shitf***s it has ever been my displeasure to lay my god damn eyes on. I tell you these two motherf***ers are a walking reminder of just how f***ed up this system really is.

Mickey:
At birth, I was cast into a flaming pit of scum forgotten by God.

Ed Wilson:
I eat what I want! So what! I mean, with this f***ing food here, you pray *after* eating!

Ed Wilson:
Don't think! You're a f***ing idiot! Who am I now, the bad guy? Did I ask you to f*** my friends?

Mallory's Dad:
If it wasn't for me, you'd still be slingin' hash in that shithouse and f***in' your boss.

Mickey:
Uh, aloha? Chief? Yeah, uh... rattlesnake took a chunk outta us a few miles back... me and my wife are pretty sick - could be dyin,' you never can tell about these things, so... how's about you ungluein' your fat ass from that boob tube and gettin' us some snakebite juice. Pronto.

Jack Scagnetti:
Now that is a perfect ass.

Jack Scagnetti:
How the hell are my two favorite a**holes?

Pinky:
Are you a real cop?

Jack Scagnetti:
Oh yeah, I'm a real cop.

Pinky:
You're not gonna hurt me are ya?

Jack Scagnetti:
I never hurt anyone in my life. I'm the law. I'm your protector.

Jack Scagnetti:
I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding...

Jack Scagnetti:
I tend not to exhibit the self-discipline of a peace officer.

Mallory:
What do you want me to do?

Jack Scagnetti:
I want you to kiss me and squeeze my nipple.

Mallory:
You're so specific.

Mallory:
I'm not really as bad as they say I am. I'm actually a really nice person.

Jack Scagnetti:
Yeah I know. I did some pretty bad things myself. I killed someone.

Jack Scagnetti:
Remember the last time you got f***ed? What I want you to do is close your eyes, and remember the last time Mickey gave you the high hard one. You thinking about it? Good. Well you can forget it, 'cause it's never gonna happen again. Because when they get through with all the electroshock sh*t they got lined up for that cocksucker, ol' Mickey ain't gonna be worth a damn.

Mickey:
One camera all you can muster, Jack?

Jack Scagnetti:
You ain't that big a star yet, cocksucker.

Wayne Gale:
Mallory Knox has said that she wants to kill you.

Dr. Emil Reingold:
I never really believe what women tell me.

Dwight McClusky:
How's a fella like you get to be involved with psychos, anyways?

Jack Scagnetti:
Actually Dwight, I'd recommend having your mother killed by one. After that happened I developed a rather keen interest in the subject.

Mickey:
Looks like we got us a Mexican Standoff.

Jack Scagnetti:
We've had this day from the beginning, huh, Mickey? Now slide that shotgun over here. Put your hands on your head and your head against the floor!

Mickey:
Or what, you'll wound me? I could blow you in half and you know it.

Jack Scagnetti:
I never wounded anything in my life. I got you locked right between the eyes, Mickey. I've had you locked from the jump, you phony!

Dwight McClusky:
Put him in F Block for a month, then bring him to see me!

Jack Scagnetti:
Jesus Christ, Dwight. You could be on "American Gladiators".

Dwight McClusky:
Thirty minutes a day, just shake and roll it... doesn't take much. Someone goes for you, you go right for the throat, Jack.

Mickey:
Even ugliness looks beautiful next to you.

Wayne Gale:
Wait! Don't Mickey and Mallory always leave one person alive to tell the tale?

Mallory:
We are...

Mallory:

Mickey:
Hey, Jack! Mickey's back!

Boy 1:
Mickey and Mallory are the best thing to happen to mass murder since Manson.

Boy 2:
Yeah! But... they're way cooler!

Reporter:
Do you have anything to say to your fans?

Mickey:
You ain't seen nothing yet.

Wayne Gale:
We are talking about nothing less than television history. The first sit-down interview with the most charismatic serial killer ever. This is Wallace and Noriega. This is Elton John confessing his bisexuality to Rolling Stone. This is the f***ing Nixon-Frost interviews. Time's running out, mate. What's the answer?

Mickey:
I say go for it.

Mickey:
But I came to the direction I need a gun. So, the next day I started off early for work, and I'm gonna stop by a gun shop and pick up a little home protection. I walked into the place and had never seen so many guns in all my life. So, I'm looking around, then this really nice sales guy comes up to me. His name was Warren. I'll never forget his name. He was really nice. Anyway, Warren showed me all these different models of guns. Magnums, automatics, pistols, Walters. And I ask to see a shotgun. He brings me a Mossberg pump action shotgun. As soon as I held that baby in my hands, I knew what I was gonna do. It felt so good. It felt like it was a part of me. They had a mirror in the store. I looked at myself holding it, and looked so f***ing good, I immediately bought it. Bought a bunch of boxes of ammo. Turned my car around, drove to Mallory's house, we took care of Mallory's parents, packed up the car, and we were off. Everybody thought I'd gone crazy. The cops, my mom, everybody. But you see, they all missed the point of the story. I wasn't crazy. But when I was holding the shotgun, it all became clear. I realized for the first time my one true calling in life.

Wayne Gale:
What's that?

Mickey:
Sh*t, man ... I'm a natural born killer.

Wayne Gale:
So tell me. How can you look at an ordinary person, an innocent guy with kids, and then shoot him to death? I mean, how can you bring yourself to do that?

Mickey:
Innocent? Who-who's innocent, Wayne? Are you innocent?

Wayne Gale:
I'm innocent? Yes, I am. Of murder? Definitely.

Mickey:
It's just murder. All God's creatures do it. You look in the forests and you see species killing other species, our species killing all species including the forests, and we just call it industry, not murder. But I know a lot of people who deserve to die.

Wayne Gale:
Why do they deserve to die?

Mickey:
I believe they got something in their past, some sin, some awful secret thing. A lot of people walking around out there already dead. They just need to be put out of their misery. That's where I come in. Fate's messenger.

Wayne Gale:
You just said an instant of purity was preferable to a lifetime of lies. I don't understand. What's so pure about forty-eight dead bodies?

Mickey:
You'll never understand. Me and you, Wayne, we're not even the same species. I used to be you; then I evolved. From where you're standing, you're a man. From where I'm standing, you're an ape. You're not even an ape. You're a media person. Media's like the weather, only it's man-made weather. Murder? It's pure. You're the one made it impure. You're buying and selling fear. You say "why?" I say "why bother?"

Son:
What the hell is that?

Father:
A b*tch out of hell, son. Take a run at her kiddo!