Private Parts

Give credit to director Betty Thomas for making the notorious Howard Stern, self-proclaimed "king of all media," into a nerdish but appealing media rebel who loves his wife and family. Even if you hate Stern's rude radio show, you may discover that the underdog charm of this warm, whimsical film (based on Stern's autobiography) turns you into a fan--for the length of the film at least. Stern delivers a winning performance as the clumsy college kid and aspiring disc-jockey-turned-demon-shock-jock, who becomes an unlikely hero as he battles station managers, network executives, and conservative "arbiters of decency" in the name of unfettered bad taste. Mary McCormack is fine as his understanding wife, Alison, and longtime Stern sidekicks Robin Quivers and Fred Norris acquit themselves nicely appearing as themselves. By the end of this smart, funny little film, don't be surprised if you find yourself cheering for the slob. --Sean Axmaker

Production: WARNER BROTHERS PICTURES
  2 wins & 3 nominations.
 
IMDB:
6.8
Metacritic:
67
R
Year:
1997
109
1,533 Views

Caller:
I was calling because I have a really big problem.

Howard:
What's your problem?

Caller:
Well, every morning I lie in bed, and the only thing I can do is think of you.

Howard:
Oh, really? Well, let's see if we can't help you with your problem. What do you look like?

Caller:
Well, I've got blond hair, and I've got blue eyes, and my measurements are about 38-24-34. Some people tell me I look a lot like Farrah Fawcett.

Howard:
I can help you. Robin, I can help this girl.

Robin:
You know, we have the most beautiful audience.

Howard:
We certainly do. We're very fortunate that way. You know what we're gonna do to solve your problem? I'm gonna have sex with you right now over the radio.

Robin:
How are we gonna do that?

Howard:
Very simple. I've thought this through, Robin. First of all, what kind of radio are you listening to us on? You have a transistor radio, or you have one of those big sound systems?

Caller:
I have one of those big sound systems.

Howard:
Good. OK. Could you turn the treble all the way down and put the bass all the way up?

Caller:
OK. The treble's down, and the bass is up.

Howard:
Take your speaker...You got a big speaker?

Caller:
Yes, I do.

Howard:
Lay it flat on the floor. And I want you to sort of straddle the speaker.

Robin:
Howard!

Caller:
Do what?

Robin:
A woman cannot be aroused in that way.

Howard:
No. This is really wrong, Robin. You're absolutely wrong. In fact, my father was a radio engineer, and he proved this theory years ago. You've got to believe. Now, what I need you to do is put your private area over the woofer.

Caller:
I can't believe you're really making me to do this.

Howard:
Come on, do it. Right up against it so you can feel me.

Caller:
I'm on.

Robin:
Oh, I have to ask her a question. What kind of a woman are you to have sex this way on the radio?

Howard:
Don't answer that question. Bad question. You're gonna ruin this woman's mood. She might start second-guessing. Are you ready to have sex?

Caller:
[Giggling] Oh, my God.

Howard:
Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Caller:
Ooh!

Howard:
Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Caller:
Oohh! Ooh. It kinda tingles.

Howard:
See? It tingles. She likes it.

Robin:
Yeah, sure.

Howard:
Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Caller:
Ohh! Oh...

Robin:
She's full of it.

Caller:
Aahh! Ohh! Oh, God! Oh!

Howard:
Listen to her. She's going wild.

Robin:
You got me moaning.

Howard:
Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Caller:
Ohhhhhhhh! Oh, my goodness. Ohhh!

Howard:
[laughs] This is the best sex I ever had.

Howard:
Hi, everybody. My name is Gene Sternburn, and welcome to Match Game. We have a lot of excitement in the air today because we have some great panelists.

...

Howard:
Let's play our game now, OK? Shall we? And what we're gonna do is ask you to fill in the blank, OK? Now, I want you to listen carefully. Our first clue up is...blank willow. Blank willow. [Music Plays] Let's go over to Miss Brett Somers right now. Now, Brett, what did you have for us? Blank willow.

Robin; The only thing on my mind, Gene, was pussy.

Howard:
Uh-oh. Pussy. Hey, all right. Hey, that's kind of wild. Pussy willow, that's what I would have said. All right, let's go over to Dick Nixon, former president of the United States. What did you have? Blank willow.

Fred:
In any language, pussy.

Howard:
All right! Now let's go to our newest member of the panel, Mr. Jackie "Jokeman" Martling. Blank willow.

Jackie:
Well, Gene, I didn't write it too neat, so I have a sloppy pussy.

Howard:
Sloppy pussy! We had a sloppy and a fuzzy pussy and a very big one.

Fred:
Are we talking about Brett again?

Howard:
All right, now, Let's keep going. Now it's gonna get a little rougher, OK? Everybody ready? Blank a-doodle-doo. Blank a-doodle-doo. [Music Plays] Blank a-doodle-doo. Think about that while the celebrities are writing. Here we are. Let's go over to our Dick Nixon, our own ex-president. What do you got there, Dick?

Fred:
Well, it takes a Dick to know a cock, and that's what I wrote.

Howard:
Cock-a-doodle-doo. Now, that's what I would have said. That seemed like the obvious answer. OK, let's go to our own Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling. Jackie The Jokeman?

Jackie:
Gene, I have cock, and I wrote it big. I have a big cock.

Howard:
Uh, I don't think you can say "big cock" on the radio. I think that's a no-no.

Robin:
But I just said pussy.

Jackie:
Yeah, she just said pussy.

Howard:
Yes, pussy is OK. It's the way he says it. "Big cock" coming out of your mouth sounds awfully dirty.

Jackie:
So I can't say "big cock," but you can say "big cock coming out of my mouth"?

Howard:
That's correct.

Jackie:
That sucks.

Fred:
Did you just say, "big cock coming out of your mouth sucks"?

Howard:
All right, enough of this nonsense. We gotta move to Miss Brett Somers.

Robin:
Just like the boys, Gene, I've got cock.

Howard:
There it is, cock-a-doo...do me a favor and hold that up so I can see your cock.

Jackie:
Aw, Gene, don't have...

Howard:
All right, there it is. Cock, cock, cock. I must tell you, though, we have to end this fun right now.

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