The Stupids

The Stupids

The Stupids are a fictional family which appear in a series of children's books written by Harry Allard and James Marshall. The Stupids draw their humor from the fact that they are incompetent to the point of confusing the most simple concepts and tasks.

Genre: Adventure, Comedy

Talk Show Hostess:
Have you ever thought that you came from a strange or unusual family? Well, after you meat our guests, you might want to adjust your standards.

Talk Show Guest #1:
I divorced my wife in order to marry her daughter.

Talk Show Guest #2:
I married a siamese twin and had an affair with her sister.

Talk Show Guest #3:
I've been engaged to three of my cousins.

Stanley Stupid:
I'm, well, to tell you the truth, I'm my own Grandpa.

Talk Show Hostess:
You're your own Grandpa? Well, for some of us who don't understand this, can you explain?

Stanley Stupid:
Well, yes. It's quite simple, really.


Stanley Stupid:
Many many years ago when I was twenty three/ I was married to a widow who was purdy as can be/ This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red/ My father fell in love with her and soon they too were wed/

Stanley Stupid:
This made my dad my son in law and changed my very life/ For my daughter was my mother 'cause she was my father's wife/ To complicate the matters even though it brought me joy I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy/

Stanley Stupid:
This little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad/ And so became my uncle though it made me very sad/ For if he was my uncle than it also makes him brother/ To the widow's grown-up daughter who of course if my stepmother/

Stanley Stupid:
My father's wife then had a son who kept him on the run/ And he became my grandchild 'cause he was my daughter's son/ My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue/ For although she is my wife she is my grandmother too/

Stanley Stupid:
If my wife is my grandmother than I am her grandchild/ And every time I think of this it nearly drives me wild/

Talk Show Hostess:
has got to be the craziest thing I ever saw

Stanley Stupid:
As husband to my grandmother I am my own grandpa!

Glamorous Actress:
Some people think it's easy being a celebrity, but when they canceled my series "Malibu Beach Detective", I was just absolutely devastated. [the "Applause" sign comes on and the audience applauds]

Late Night Show Host:
Well, I'm sure everyone is very sympathetic for you. You've put so much work into such a fine series to have it taken off the air.

Glamorous Actress:
As an artist, I was truly crushed. [the "Applause" sign comes on again and the audience applauds] It was the most awful, shocking, heartbreaking thing that's ever happened to me! [backstage, Petunia is unkowingly flipping the switch that turns the "Applause" sign on and off]

Petunia Stupid:
Mom, I can't get this light switch to work.

Joan Stupid:
Just a moment dear. [she writes "Give it to the fat guy" on a blank cue card] Now, let's take a look. [she fiddles with the switch and the sign comes on, with audience applauding]

Glamorous Actress:
Well, maybe you'd all be happier if there was no primetime television. [Joan fiddles with the switch some more; the audience keeps applauding]

TV Director:
What's going on?

Glamorous Actress:
You could spend every night reading books together. [Joan flips the switch; the audience applauds; the Glamourous Actress leaves]

Late Night Show Host:
Well, my next guest is a world-class French chef, so stay tuned, everyone, and let's... [reads from cue card which is actually a reminder note from Joan Stupid] Give it to the fat guy!

French Chef:
Fat? Fat? Moi, fat? [yells in French] [he starts shaking the host around while Joan flips the switch one last time and the audience applauds]

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