You Only Live Twice

James Bond:
Well, I won't need these.

Helga Brandt:
I've got you now.

James Bond:
Well enjoy yourself.

James Bond:
Oh the things I do for England.

Aki:
I think I will enjoy very much serving under you.

Aki:
You wouldn't touch that horrible woman, would you?

James Bond:
Oh heaven forbid.

James Bond:
Little Nelly got a hot reception. Four big shots made improper advances toward her, but she defended her honor with great success.

Russian Diplomat:
The world knows we are a peace-loving people.

Tiger Tanaka:
It can save your life, this cigarette.

James Bond:
You sound like a commercial.

Blofeld:
I shall look forward personally to exterminating you, Mr. Bond.

Blofeld:
The firing power inside my crater is enough to annihilate a small army. You can watch it all on TV. It's the last program you're likely to see.

James Bond:
Well, if I'm gonna be forced to watch television, may I smoke?

Blofeld:
Yes. Give him his cigarettes. It won't be the nicotine that kills you, Mr. Bond.

Blofeld:
Goodbye, Mr. Bond!

Blofeld:
Kill Bond! Now!

Blofeld:
James Bond. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Ernst Stavro Blofeld. They told me you were assassinated in Hong Kong.

James Bond:
Yes, this is my second life.

Blofeld:
You only live twice, Mr. Bond.

Tiger Tanaka:
You know what it is about you that fascinates them, don't you? It's the hair on your chest. All Japanese men have beautiful bare skin.

James Bond:
Ancient Japanese proverb, "Bird never make nest in bare tree."

James Bond:
Why do Chinese girls taste different from all other girls?

James Bond:
No, just different. Like Peking Duck is different from Russian Caviar.

James Bond:
If it's all the same to you, I'll just take this little old lady here.

Tiger Tanaka:
Good choice, she's very sexyful.

Blofeld:
You made a mistake, my friend. No astronaut would enter the capsule carrying his air conditioner.

James Bond:
Couldn't you just dye the parts that show?

Tiger Tanaka:
Rule number one: never do anything yourself when someone else can do it for you.

James Bond:
And rule two?

Tiger Tanaka:
Rule number two: in Japan, men come first, women come second.

James Bond:
I just might retire here.

Tiger Tanaka:
My mother told me never to get into a car with a strange girl. But you it seems Bond-san will get into anything with any girl.

MoneyPenny:
Oh, by the way, how was the girl?

James Bond:
(turns the lamp towards her, interrogation style) Which girl?

MoneyPenny:
The... uh... Chinese one we set you up with?

James Bond:
Another few minutes and I would have found out.

Blofeld:
Extortion... is my business.

Blofeld:
As you can see, I'm going to inaugurate a little war.

Henderson:
That was stirred, not shaken?

Astronaut - 1st American Spacecraft:
Calling CapCom. CapCom, this is Jupiter 16. Do you give a go for fourth orbit.

Hawaii CapCom:
CapCom to Jupiter 16. Can you confirm O2 pressure is within limit.

Astronaut - 1st American Spacecraft:
Roger. Everything looks good in the environmental control system.

Hawaii CapCom:
Okay. Everything looks good from here. You have a go for fourth orbit.

[James is in bed with Ling, a Chinese woman]

Bond:
Why do Chinese girls taste different from all other girls?

Ling:
You think we better, huh?

Bond:
No, just different. Like Peking duck is different from Russian caviar. But I love them both.

Ling:
Darling, I give you very best duck.

Tiger Tanaka:
Permit me to introduce myself. I am Tanaka. Please call me Tiger.

Bond:
If you're Tanaka, then how do you feel about me?

Tanaka:
[the code response] I... love you.

Bond:
Well, I'm glad we got that out of the way.

[Bond is in a hot tub with Tiger Tanaka and four beautiful Japanese girls.]

Tiger Tanaka:
Rule number one: Never do anything yourself when someone else can do it for you.

Bond:
And number two?

Tiger Tanaka:
Rule number two: In Japan, men always come first, women come second.

Bond:
Really? I might just retire to here.

[A car chasing Aki and Bond gets picked up by Tanaka's helicopter and gets dropped into the ocean.]

Tiger Tanaka:
How is that for Japanese efficiency?

Bond:
Just a drop in the ocean.

[Tiger is showing Bond a shooting cigarette.]

Tiger:
It can save your life, this cigarette.

Bond:
You sound like a commercial.

[Blofeld has summoned Osato and Helga Brandt to his office]

Blofeld:
An unknown Englishman was in your office the other day.

Mr. Osato:
Correct, Number One.

Blofeld:
[shows X-ray image of a pistol] Do you know what gun this is?

Mr. Osato:
[smugly] Walther PPK.

Blofeld:
Only one person we know uses this sort of gun. James Bond.

Mr. Osato:
[startled] But Bond is dead!

Helga Brandt:
It was in all the newspapers!

Blofeld:
Rubbish. Bond is alive, unless you killed him, Mr. Osato. Don't tell me you let him go.

Mr. Osato:
I gave Number 11 the strictest orders to eliminate him!

Blofeld:
And did she?

Mr. Osato:
She failed!

Helga Brandt:
[to Osato] You should have killed him yourself! You had plenty of opportunity!

Blofeld:
This organization does not tolerate failure.

Mr. Osato:
I know, but do you see, I...

Blofeld:
GO! [sees Osato cross a bridge and leaves room; to Helga] Well? [Helga starts across. Blofeld hits a pedal that causes the bridge bottom to drop out, sending her into the piranha-filled water]

Helga:
Aaaah! Osato! NEIIIIIIIIIIIIN!...[disappears from sight as piranhas kill her to the shock of Osato and two Chinese emissaries]

Blofeld:
[addressing Osato as bridge closes back up] Kill Bond! Now!

Mr. Osato:
Yes, Number One! Yes. Yes, yes.

[Blofeld is meeting two Chinese emissaries in his office]

Blofeld:
I must congratulate you, gentlemen.

Blofeld:
Our clients are satisfied with the progress so far?

Emissary #1:
My government is quite satisfied.

Blofeld:
Good. Hans? [Hans, who is standing on the other side of the office and over the piranhas, leans over a basket and draws off its cover, revealing what looks like a large ham, attacked to a metal hook on a rope. He throws this into the water, as the emissaries watch. There is commotion in the water as the piranhas eat.]

Blofeld:
[With a slight laugh in his voice, whilst this happens] My piranha fish get very hungry. They can strip a man from the bone in thirty seconds. [Hans removes the rope from the water, now with a clean bone on the end.] I have decided to ask for a little money in advance. I want the sum of a hundred million dollars in gold bullion, deposited in our account in Buenos Aries.

Emissary #1:
Our agreement states, quite clearly, that no money should be paid until was has broken out between Russia and the United States.

Emissary #2:
This is extortion!

Blofeld:
Extortion is my business. Go and think it over, gentlemen. I'm busy.

[Blofeld has an astronaut that just tried to infiltrate SPECTRE's Bird One rocket brought to him at the command center]

SPECTRE Number 3:
A new update on target vehicle has been received from computers. We now have T-minus seven minutes and counting.

Blofeld:
You made a mistake, my friend. No astronaut would enter the capsule, carrying his air conditioner. Remove his helmet! [A guard removes the astronaut's helmet, and Blofeld is surprised who the person is; Osato tries to avoid the astronaut's eyes] James Bond. Allow me to introduce myself. [Leans forward so his head is visible from behind Hans] I am Ernst Stavro Blofeld. They told me you were assassinated in Hong Kong.

Bond:
Yes, this is my second life.

Blofeld:
[Pushes Hans out of the way] You only live twice, Mr. Bond.

SPECTRE Number 4:
Target vehicle passing over central Russia. Approaching Mongolia. Track is as predicted. All computers...

Blofeld:
[Drowns out SPECTRE Number 4] As you see, I am about to inaugurate a little war. In a matter of hours, when America and Russia have annihilated each other, we shall see a new power dominating the world.

Scientist:
Target vehicle on scope.

Blofeld:
[To scientist] Recheck on target vehicle. [To guards] Remove his suit, and search him!

SPECTRE Number 3:
Reserve astronaut, ready on Bird One.

James Bond:
[after throwing Hans and feeding him to the piranhas] Bon appétit.