Bend It Like Beckham2002

Tony:
Jess! Fancy a quick game?

Jess:
I can't. My mum's waiting, and my dad's on earlies at Heathrow.

Tony:
We really need you! Come on! Come on!

[Jess puts down her groceries and does an impressive ball steal, slip past and goal]

Football boy 1:
Who does she think she is? Beckham or what?

Football boy 2:
Can we chest it like him? Give it some bounce!

Football boy 3:
Go on! Chest it!

[Jess picks up football and rams it into football boys crotch]

Tony:
Did that hurt, pretty boy?

[Jess is lying in bed in her bedroom talking to poster on ceiling]

Jess:
I nearly scored from 20 yards today. Bent it and everything. I could have played all night. It's not fair that boys never have to come home and help. If I had an arranged marriage, would he let me play football whenever I wanted to? [Mr. Bhamra bursts into room]

Mr. Bhamra:
Who are you talking to?

Jess:
No one, Dad. [Mr. Bhamra sits on Jess' bed]

Mr. Bhamra:
OK, Biji and her grandson are staying in here for the wedding. Why don't you put up nice picture of beautiful sceneries instead of this bald man?

Jess:
Dad!

Mr. Bhamra:
I'm going to change. Come and help me out, Ok?

[Jess is serving appetizers at wedding shower]

Teetu's friend:
..a beautiful Rolls Royce, you know? I'll get one for your wedding, too, if you like.

Old Indian woman 1:
It will be your turn soon, eh? Do you want a clean-shaven boy like your sister or a proper Sikh with a full beard and a turban? [Woman grabs Jess as she's about to walk away] It's only our men that have a big engine and full MOT, eh? [Women laughs and Jess walks away unimpressed]

[A cellphone rings and everyone checks their cellphones and Teetu realizes it's his]

Teetu:
Nah, man, the alternator's gone on the Merc! Just do the Nissan. I told you not to bother me! It's my engagement, man!

Mr. Bhamra:
Switch it off. Switch that thing off.

...

[3 girls are sitting on a park bench watching boys play football]

Girl 1:
He is so tick, man!

Girl 2:
Innit, innit? I know!

Girl 1:
He's taking his shirt off!

Girl 2:
A body like that needs an X certificate warning!

Girl 3:
And a lifetime guarantee!

Girl 1:
Yeah, man! Call Jess!

Girl 2:
Oi! Jess!

Girl 1:
Who's that with the gorgeous bod?

Girl 3:
The one with the six-pack.

Girl 1:
If he looks at me, I really will faint!

Jess:
What? Taz?

Girl 1:
Is that his name?

Girl 2:
Look at that kick!

Girl 3:
He is so fly!

Girls:
That is fine. That is so fine!

Football boy:
Get your girlfriend!

Tony:
Jess!

Girl 1:
Go on. Lover boy's calling you!

Jess:
Oh shut up, you know he's just my mate. We're not all slags like you lot!

Girl 1:
Ooh! Just 'cause she's still a V man, she thinks she's better than us!

Girl 2:
At least she hasn't got off with half of Hounslow like you two!

Girl 1:
Who's that gori watching her? [Jules is sitting on a park bench staring hard at the the boys and Jess playing]

Tony:
Come on, Jess! It's all yours! [Jules has walked over to the boys and Jess]

Jules:
That was brilliant! Do you play for any side?

Football boy:
Yeah, like whose? Southall United Sari Squad?

Jules:
I play for Hounslow Harriers Girls. You should come and have a trial.

Jess:
A trial? Think I'm good enough?

Jules:
Yeah. You're really good. Oh, it's up to our coach, but we could do with some new blood.

Jess:
That's brilliant!

Football boy 1:
Do you swap shirts at the end?

Football boy 2:
And have a bath together?

Football boy 3:
Where's the soap?

Football boy 4:
Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

[Jules makes a crude gesture and all the boys go silent]

Football boy 1:
Let's play football. [They walk away]