Chelmsford 1231988

Aulus Paulinus:
It's been a year now. A year of involuntary celibacy. I'm about as horny as rhinoceros and a unicorn in a Who's Got The Biggest Horn competition.

Grasientus:
You're not exactly spoiled for choice around here, are you? The British girls are either ugly, ugly or ugly.

Aulus Paulinus:
She doesn't have to be British. I'm mad with lust. She could be Greek, Syrian, Spanish.

Grasientus:
Belgian.

Aulus Paulinus:
I'm not that mad! Anyway Grasientus, don't you feel Spring coursing through your veins? Don't you get the odd bout of Tent Pole Toga?

Grasientus:
Happy I am not a slave to that part of my anatomy, Aulus.

Aulus Paulinus:
Just as well because you are, with all due respect, an ugly bastard.