Roseanne1988

[last lines]

Roseanne Conner:
[a behind the scene look; on the kitchen set, about the episode's subject matter] Oh come on, Neil, give us a break. It's just a normal, everyday, biological function. We have to call it something.

ABC Censor:
[title card, Neil Conrad, Network Censor] I'm sorry, Roseanne. None of these expressions are acceptable on network television.

Roseanne Conner:
[reading from a list] Okay. Well what about, "pitching a trouser tent"?

ABC Censor:
No!

Roseanne Conner:
"Bootin' up the hard drive"?

ABC Censor:
No!

Roseanne Conner:
"Charming the anaconda"?

ABC Censor:
"What" the anaconda?

Roseanne Conner:
"Charming".

ABC Censor:
No!

Roseanne Conner:
Ah, "raising the drawbridge"?

ABC Censor:
No!

Roseanne Conner:
"Popping a wheelie"?

ABC Censor:
No!

Roseanne Conner:
"Standing up for democracy"?

ABC Censor:
No!

Roseanne Conner:
"Waving to your chin"?

ABC Censor:
No. There's *absolutely*, *positively*, no *way* any of these are going to get on the air!

Roseanne Conner:
Too late.

ABC Censor:
[Roseanne grins mischievously, he turns to the camera operator behind him] Was that on?

[camera bobs up and down]

ABC Censor:
Ah sh*beep*!