Scream Queens2015

Chanel #5:
[Chanel Oberlin is showing the other Chanels her Jackie Kennedy Halloween costume] Oh my God! Why are you so depressed?

Chanel Oberlin:
My husband was shot in Dallas, idiot! For this year's Halloween, the Chanels will be going as the wives of fallen presidents. I am Jackie Kennedy. Number Six, you will be going as the emotionally fragile Ida McKinley, whose husband was felled by an anarchist's bullet. [Number Six nods] Number Three, you will be going as the homely and religious Lucretia Garfield, the bereaved wife of President James Garfield.

Chanel #3:
Hold up. No way. Why do I have to be the homely one?

Chanel Oberlin:
There's only so many murdered presidents, Number Three!

Chanel #3:
What about Mary Todd Lincoln?

Chanel Oberlin:
Number Five is Lady Lincoln, obvi.

Chanel #5:
Wait, what do you mean "obvi"?

Chanel Oberlin:
[Pointing at Chanel #5] Just a second, nutbag. [to Chanel #3] If you're gonna be a pain about it, I guess we could open it up to presidents who were *almost* assassinated. So, you can either be Betty Ford, which means you'll have to get wasted and stay wasted all night or you can be alleged Hollywood mattress, Nancy Reagan.

Chanel #3:
Dibs. I'm Nancy Reagan.

Chanel #5:
Wait. Why am I Mary Todd Lincoln?

Chanel Oberlin:
God, do I have to spell it out for you? You're out of your frigging gourd, Number 5. You're a weird, psycho lunatic, who's gonna end up in an asylum somewhere, staring at a wall, trying to nurse a watering can. You're a Mary Todd Lincoln if ever there was one.

Chanel #5:
That's it! I can't take this anymore!

Chanel Oberlin:
That is *such* a Mary Todd Lincoln thing to say.