The Red Green Show1991

Red Green:
[after hearing an answering machine message that Hap claims came from Gwyneth Paltrow during a supposed romance with her, but which is obviously just Hap's own voice very poorly disguised in a higher-pitched nasally tone to imitate a love-struck lady's voice] She sounds like somebody else, Hap.

Gordon Pinsent as Hap Shaughnessy:
[innocently and casually] Well, of COURSE she does, Red - - she's a GREAT ACTRESS! They're EXPERT at disguising their voices.

Red Green:
[in a lackluster tone of unimpressed derision] You might wanna think about BEING AN ACTOR YOURSELF, Hap.

Gordon Pinsent as Hap Shaughnessy:
[feigning amused modesty] I know, but I could never go into that line of work, Red. To be an actor, you have to PRETEND TO BE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT.

Red Green:
[valiantly trying not to snicker, since he knows that this is precisely what the self-aggrandizing Hap does all the time] Uh-huh.

Gordon Pinsent as Hap Shaughnessy:
Yeah, they're PROFESSIONAL LIARS, Red! What kinda man would I be if I got PAID TO LIE?

Red Green:
A BILLionaire!