The Royle Family1998

Dave Best:
'Ey, I'm rough today me me guts are well off, I had a bad pint last night.

Jim Royle:
I bet you washed them down with a few more, though, didn't you.

Antony Royle:
How d'ya know if its a bad pint?

Dave Best:
Cos you can sh*t through the eye of a needle.

Jim Royle:
Where did you go?

Dave Best:
Pear tree.

Jim Royle:
Bloody hell, you don't wanna drink in there.

Dave Best:
Well, I know that now, don't I?

Jim Royle:
Bloody hell, He doesn't clean his pumps him.

Antony Royle:
No, actually the lagers all right.

Jim Royle:
How would you know, soft lad?

Antony Royle:
Dad, I'm 15.

Jim Royle:
'Ey! listen if I ever catch you in The Feathers I'll clip you round the bloody ear, you do not sh*t on your own doorstep!

Dave Best:
I nearly did last night, I couldn't get the key in quick enough.