Tomzegan_1's Quotes

Here's the list of quotes submitted by tomzegan_1  —  There are currently 208 quotes total — keep up the great work!

Money can't buy love but it can sure buy a nice frickin mattress.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 2 months ago

Some people say that Money Talks and BS Walks but I say that BS Talks and Money Walks!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 3 months ago

There's no I in team, but there is in idiot.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 3 months ago

Every 7 seconds there is a woman somewhere in the world giving birth to a child. We must find that woman and stop her!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 months ago

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 months ago

I have a For Sale sign on my car so if I forget where I parked my car I just wait for someone to call me and I ask them where my car is at.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 months ago

I use to think that the moon was made out of cheese . . and I don't even like cheese.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 months ago

We are all strangers, some are just stranger than others.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 6 months ago

We are all strangers, some are just stranger than others.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 6 months ago

To my son: I should have told your mom I had a headache.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 6 months ago

In high school the closest I ever got to being on the honor roll was yes your honor and no your honor.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 months ago

In our darkest moments we often stub our toe.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 months ago

Doing what you love is freedom, loving what you do is happiness.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 10 months ago

The soul and the consensus are one in the same, when the soul leaves the body so does the consensusness.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 10 months ago

Better to have the right person at the wrong time than to never had met them at all.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 10 months ago

Where there is no vision, people will bump into walls.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 11 months ago

Intelligence isn't how much you know, it's how much you remember.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 11 months ago

It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 11 months ago

Trying to forget someone you loved is like trying to remember someone you never knew.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 12 months ago

The last time my ship came in . . . I was waiting at the airport.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

The best thing about the future is that it starts tomorrow.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

I made my money the old fashioned way . . . I robbed a bank.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

To ruin someone it doesn't have to be true, it just has to be said.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Many people are looking for security instead of opportunity.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Money Talk's . . . mine keeps saying Goodbye!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

This is my backup plan.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Next time I'd think twice about thinking twice.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Next time I'd think twice about thinking twice.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Evil people can not see the evil in others because of their own evil.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

It's always best to put a little truth in every lie.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Ugly people look prettier in the dark.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Yea, I have dreams. Usually at night when I'm asleep. Why?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Today is 08/26/2018 Mark my words, sometime before the 2020 election the liberals are going say they're not illegals, they're Americans just like us. North American's, South American's and Central American's.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

You're only as old as you . . . Just face it, you're old.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

They told me to chase my dreams but this restraining order says differently.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

If I knew everything there was to know about anything, I still wouldn't tell you.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

When in Rome . . . Rome around.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Today was tomorrow and yesterday was today.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Something is wrong if they don't bring out the best in you.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

The Greater a person is the more they will be heated.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

There are no stupid questions except What's my name again?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE”, “WEALTH is having things money can’t buy” Health and Family and Love and Friendships”!(COMPASSION)!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE”, “WEALTH is having things money can’t buy” Health and Family and Love and Friendships”!(COMPASSION)!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Having a body tattoo is like wearing the same shirt everyday for the rest of your life.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

I just realized that Disneyland was the first human maze run by a mouse.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

I think that a women has the right to kill her unborn child just as much as that child has a right to kill their mother after they are born.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

There's a fine line between stalking and romanticly pursuing someone said my attorney to the judge.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Find happiness in your own sandbox.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

You have the right answer . . . the question is wrong.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

If a man can't keep his word, what good is the man?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Every 7 seconds there is a woman somewhere in the world giving birth to a child. We must find that woman and stop her!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he is lost?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

I use to play the saxophone before I was married but my fiancee didn't like the fact that I was performing Premarital Sax!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

I use to play the saxophone before I was married but my fiancee didn't like the fact that I was performing Premarital Sax!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

I always try to give credit whenever credit is doo doo even thought I really don't give a crap!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

One time I bought a pound cake that weighed 14 ounces.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

How can they say Coming to a theater near you when they don't even know where you live?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

I am convinced that we are here for a reason and when I figure it out I will let you know.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

People are more likely to accept your ideas if you tell them that Barack Obama said it first.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

I'm better than I was before I got as bad as I am now.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Everything is temporary!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Idealism only works in an ideal world.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Do you think that Jesus looked both ways before crossing?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

When words can't express your true inner feelings, use hand jesters.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

What's the first thing you ask for when you spill a drink? That's right, another drink!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Paper will lie no matter what you put on it.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

If common sense is so common how come so many people don't have it?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Nine lives and counting.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Tattoos are just one more way to identify a body.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

We only fear what we don't know, if we knew everything we would have no fear.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

Sometimes you're the windshield . . . sometimes you're the bug!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

A gift isn't yours until you take it.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

When all else fails blame your high school drama teacher.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

It's called life, get use to it.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

When choosing between the lesser of two evils . . . choose the one that you haven't tried yet.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

You'll have to forgive me, I went to public school.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

I'm not looking for someone who I can live with, I'm looking for someone who I can't live without.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 1 year ago

The Colon key on my keyboard doesn't work when I press down the shift button. Does anyone know of a good Colon cleanser that can help me get my shift together.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 2 years ago

Some people really can't afford to give me a piece of their mind.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 2 years ago

If I had to do it all over again I'd skip the first grade.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 2 years ago

Be sure to look out for number One while not stepping in number Two.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 3 years ago

Any Terrorist living in the US will either leave or the people of the United States will eliminate you.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 3 years ago

I became a comedian because I couldn't make it as a Porn Star.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 4 years ago

Charity should be given to those who need it not those who want it.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 4 years ago

In most relationships there is usually a giver and a taker. The giver will give and the taker will take until the giver can't give anymore.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 4 years ago

My plan is to live forever, so far so good.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 4 years ago

One time I was at the Doctors office and the Doctor asked me if I was allergic to anything. I said "Yes, poison.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 4 years ago

Most of what I know I forgot.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 4 years ago

What we want we can't have and what we have we don't want.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 4 years ago

You keep using that word "Born Again", I don't think it means what you think it means.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 4 years ago

Most people would rather take the easy road than the high road.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 4 years ago

Death is the ultimate test of ones faith.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

Are you suppose to wear swimming trunks when you are in the car pool lane?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

Some people believe that war brings about peace, I believe that peace brings about peace.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

Since the beginning of time man has done three things when he communicates both in speaking and in the written form. He will Generalize, Omit & Exaggerate.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

After all has been said and done, a lot more will have been said than done.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

If you believe that the Bible has all the answers maybe you're not asking the right questions.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

If you believe that God would be upset with you than maybe you need to change your concept of God.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

Alright, who's the wise guy who turned the light out at the end of my tunnel?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

There's no free lunch . . . unless you're an illegal alien.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

I'm thinking of buying an aquarium and filling it up with fish so when I'm bored I can go fishing.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

Money will trump morals the majority of time.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

Personally I don't care to watch a bunch of millionaires throw balls at each other.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

Four out of Five Dentist think that the Fifth Dentist is an idiot.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

Some people say that you should fight fire with fire but I say you should fight fire with water.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

Never judge a book by it's cover . . . judge it by it's price.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

There is a big difference between Assigned Prestige and Achieved Prestige. Assigned Prestige will usually abuse it's power where Achieved Prestige won't.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

Math Problem: What does Three take away Two equal? I can prove that Three take away Two equals Two. Don't believe me? OK, you have Three apples I take away Two apples, how many apples do I have?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

You hear preachers say that the prosperity gospel doesn't work but I say that it's worked for the preachers who preach it.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

The French, they're so . . . French.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

I owned a mountain cabin once that had hot and cold running water . . . hot in the summer and cold in the winter.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

When I was young my parents use to move a lot . . . but I'd always find them.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

Life's not fair . . . get over it.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

Have you ever used Diet Shampoo before? It's for people with Fat Heads.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

Question for the Family Feud game show: "Name something that you can't say on TV.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 5 years ago

I am such a firm believer in the idea of "Free Press" so much that I took my neighbors newspaper off his porch this morning.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 6 years ago

There are two ways to take over a country. Externally by force or Internally by fiscal collapse.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 6 years ago

Clowns taste funny.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 6 years ago

People who live in Stone Houses shouldn't throw Glass.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 6 years ago

There's nothing better than to have a mate that actually likes you let alone loves you.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 6 years ago

Does anyone know when they are going to come out with the new Mayan Calender?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 6 years ago

I might not be a Nobel Peace Prize winner but I know that the opposite of love is not indifference, it's hate. Indifference would be the fulcrum (center point) between love and hate. To think otherwise is ludicrous.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 6 years ago

Translogic: A comment or statement that sounds logical and makes sense at the time it is said but when later closely examined it actually makes no sense at all.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

Everybody who sets out to prove that God exists succeeds and everybody who sets out to prove that God does not exist also succeeds.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

The President didn't vote for me so I'm not voting for him either.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

There are two things I hate . . . No Three. Haters, Haters & Haters!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

FYI: There's no such place as Carmen, San Diego.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

One man's trash ends up another man's wife.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

Everyone's personality is a manifestation of their combined past experiences. If you are able to observe and interpret someone's behavior, you will eventually be able to predict that person's behavior as well.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

A Soulution to Rubik's Cube is not a series of individual good guesses, each surmounting move has twelve to one odds against success. It is a series of perplexed movements or algorithms that form a coherent method of returning back to it's original (correct) state.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

Why walk to work when you can take your lunch?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

Remember what I told you to forget?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

Woke up this morning. CHECK

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

Heaven called . . . we're a match!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

If you want to know something, ask my kids. They think they know everything.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

Its time for someone to stand up and say "Stop spending all our hard earned tax dollars".

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

Money talks . . . It says you're cheap.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

Sex is only 10% of a Good Marriage but it's 90% of a Bad One.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

There is no more powerful form of rejection than taking someone for granted.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

A few years ago I made a New Years Resolution never to make another New Years Resolution again and so far it's the only one that I have actually kept.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

Today's not my day . . . tomorrows not looking any better.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 7 years ago

Someone, somewhere right now is thinking about You!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

We only fear what we don't know, if we knew everything we would have no fear.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I went to the Hollywood Bowl last night . . . I bowled a 126.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

When I die I want to be cremated and have my ashes spread out over a soccer field so that the kids can kick my ash.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I'm working on my second million . . . I gave up on my first.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

All things happen for a reason . . . even No Reason is still a reason.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I once had a memory pillow, but I forgot where I put it!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

When people try to bring you down they are only trying to bring you to their level.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

My ex-wife thought that the grass was greener on the other side . . . so now she's mowing someone else's lawn.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Don't forget to take life one day at a time because if you miss a day or two it's called being in a coma.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Wisdom is using knowledge through God's perspective.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Just because you believe something is true doesn't automatically make it true.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Two wrongs don't make a right but Three lefts do.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Life isn't always fair . . . but it's sure fairer than death!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

New and Improved actually means that the Old Stuff actually Sucked!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

The average person believes that they are better than the average person.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

What you do with your hands you mess up with your feet.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I wish I had a million dollars for every time I wished I had a million dollars.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

In case you hadn't heard, I'm winning the human race.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I don't believe in reincarnation, but then again I didn't believe in it last time either.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Once I had a dog that died of lead poisoning . . . I shot him in the head.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

If I wasn't here right now, I'd be somewhere else.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I don't have alzheimer's, . . . I have sometimers!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

It's not what you know, it's what they think you know.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

If you can't think of the right word to say, make one up.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Ed Hardy called . . . he wants his clothes back!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Life isn't always the way it's suppose to be, it's the way it is.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Once I had a dream that I was sleeping.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I just finished my first book . . . I enjoyed it so much I'm thinking about reading another one.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I'm thinking of a number between One and Infinity.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Its only deep if you're short.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Just think, if I was born one day earlier I would have written this yesterday.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

We are all Strangers . . . Some of us are just Stranger than others.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

You are not truly rich until you have something that money can't buy.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

It's a Recession if it's happening to other people, it's a Depression if it's happening to you!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Character is something you do when no one else is watching.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I heard of a guy who had a heart attack and died when he realized that he had just won the Lottery! What are the odds of that?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

If Gillette put a One after it's name it would be Gillette One.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Everybody wants to go to heaven . . . nobody wants to die!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Humans are the only creatures that have the ability to forgive.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

It's never to late to do the right thing.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Never Drink and Drive . . . you might spill.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I love my kids to death . . . so far it's not working.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I asked God if He could hear me . . . He said "No".

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I know what it takes to become a millionaire . . . a million bucks!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Some kids wanted to be Firemen when they were growing up . . . I wanted to be a Fire Truck!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

My name translated into Chinese is "Hy Yu"

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I use to put ant poison on my front lawn but I actually found that putting sugar on my neighbor's lawn works just as well.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I found that life will go on pretty much with or with out you.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Whats right isn't always popular and whats popular isn't always right.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I came into this world with nothing and not much has changed.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

They say keep looking up, things could get worse. So I kept looking up and sure enough things got worse.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

My Favorite kind of animal is a stuffed one.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I'd be a Vegetarian if I didn't have to give up eating meat.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Whoever said "Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" was an idiot!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Excuse me, but can you be a little more vague?

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

The only faith that really matters is the one that you believe in.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Money is the consolidation and storage of energy

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

There are two reasons why a person does something, one that sounds good and the real one.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

What's the first thing you ask for when you spill a drink? That's right, another drink!

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Strangers have the best candy.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

Love makes the world go round but money pays for the trip.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

I had an out a body experience once and when I returned someone else was there.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

The only way that I can see America ever becoming a strong nation again is to stop being a debtor nation and to begin spending less than is taxed on it's people.

Tom Zegan  Famous Quote

added 8 years ago

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