Monsters University

Main character:
I've been waiting for this my whole life! I'm gonna be a scarer!

Main character:
[to Sulley] I'm gonna scare circles around you this year.

Main character:
I'm officially a college student!!!

Main character:
STOP SINGING!!!!!!!!

Main character:
Becuase you were born a Sullivan

Main character:
This is going to be harder than I thought.

Main character:
[referring to Mike] I'm gonna wipe the floor with that little know-it-all.

Main character:
[To Mike] You're not scary; not even a little bit, but, you're FEARLESS!

Oozma Kappa:
[panicked; once detected] I CAN'T GO BACK TO JAIL!

Oozma Kappa:
I have an extra toe. Not with me, of course.

Oozma Kappa:
The only rule is: don't get caught.

Oozma Kappa:
I never stayed up this late in my life!

Oozma Kappa:
[to Sulley] Your hands are as big as my face!

Oozma Kappa:
First morning in the house.

Oozma Kappa:
I'm a dance major!]

Oozma Kappa:
Let's do this.

Oozma Kappa:
When we do, we'll be...READY!

Oozma Kappa:
5,6,7,8! [scatting] Over here!

Oozma Kappa:
CHEESE AND CRACKERS!

Oozma Kappa:
SON OF A MUSTACHE!

Oozma Kappa:
Next stop: You!

Dean Hardscrabble:
Scariness is the true measure of a monster. If you are not scary, what kind of a monster are you? It's my job to make great students greater, not making mediocre students less mediocre. That is why, at the end of the semester, there will be a final exam. Fail that exam, and you're out of the scaring program. I should hope you're all properly inspired.

[Mike approaches the Greek Council stand]

Claire:
MU Greek Council! We sponsor the annual Scare Games.

Mike:
[snatches a paper from the booth] The scare what now?

Brock:
[pounds his fist against the table] The Scare Games! A super intense scaring competition!

Claire:
They're crazy dangerous, so anything could happen.

Brock:
A bunch of guys went to the hospital last year!

Claire:
You could totally die.

Brock:
[pounds his fist again] And it's worth it! You get a chance to prove that you are the best!

Mike:
[staring at the flier; whispering] Cool.

Randy:
Hey there, I'm your roommate! Name's Randy Boggs, Scaring major!

Mike:
[laughs] Mike Wazowski, Scaring major.

Randy:
I can tell we're gonna be best chums, Mike. Take whatever bed you want, I wanted you to have first dibs. [a monster student bumps into him, making him yelp and turn completely invisible except for the glasses]

Mike:
[gasps] You just disappeared.

Randy:
[turns visible again] Sorry. If I do that in scaring class, I'll be a joke.

Mike:
No, it's totally great, you gotta use it.

Randy:
Really?

Mike:
Yeah, but lose the glasses, they give it away. [heads into his room]

[Randy removes his glasses, and his eyes squint to the shape we all know and grunts approvingly]

Mike:
What are you doing in my room?!

Sulley:
Your room? This is my... [realizes he's in Mike and Randall's room] This is not my room. Archie! Come here, boy! [imitates a pig]

Mike:
Archie?

Sulley:
Archie the Scare Pig. He's Fear Tech's mascot.

Mike:
What's it doing here?

Sulley:
[chuckles] I stole it. Gonna give it to the RORs.

Mike:
The what?

Sulley:
Roar Omega Roar. The top fraternity on campus. The only accept the highly elite. Alright, I'll lift the bed, you grab the pig.

Mike:
What? No!

Sulley:
One, two, three! [shoves Mike under his bed]

Sulley:
James P. Sullivan.

Mike:
Mike Wazowski.

Chet:
Slow down Squirt, this party is scare students only.

Johnny:
Oh, I'm sorry, killer, but you might wanna hang out with someone little more of your speed. They look fun!

[Cut on Oozma Kappa members holding a stand]

Don:
Oh, hey there! Wanna join Oozma Kappa?

Squishy:
We have cake!

[a huge monster passes by and swallows the cake whole. Not a second later, a balloon deflates and falls on Squishy's head]

Johnny:
Go crazy. [leaves with ROR and Sulley]

Mike:
[stunned] Is that a joke?

Johnny:
[sighs, annoyed] Sulley, talk to your friend.

Sulley:
[to Johnny] Well, he's not really my friend, but sure... [to Mike] You heard him, this is a party for scare students.

Mike:
I am a scare student.

Sulley:
I mean, for scare students who actually, you know, have a chance.

Chet:
Ah, snap!

[the ROR brothers start laughing]

Mike:
[narrows his eye] My chances are just as good as yours.

Sulley:
You're not even in the same league with me.

Mike:
Just wait, hotshot. I'm gonna scare circles around you this year.

[Due to an argument between Mike and Sulley, the latter accidentally knocks down the Dean's scream canister and breaks it]

Mike:
I'm so sorry.

Sulley:
It was an accident.

Dean:
What, this? My souvenir from a lifetime of scaring? Accidents happen, don't they? The important thing is: no one got hurt.

Mike:
You're taking this remarkably well.

Dean:
Now, let's continue the exams. [to Mike] Mr. Wazowski, I'm a 5-year-old girl on a farm in Kansas afraid of lightning. Which scare do you use?

Mike:
[confused] Should I go up on the...?

Dean:
Which scare do you use?

Mike:
That is a shadow approach with a crackle holler.

Dean:
Demonstrate.

Mike:
[inhales deeply]

Dean:
Stop. Thank you.

Mike:
I didn't get to sh...

Dean:
I've seen enough. [to Sulley] I am a seven-year-old boy...

Sulley:
[roars loudly]

Dean:
I wasn't finished.

Sulley:
I don't need to know any of that stuff to scare.

Dean:
That "stuff" would have informed you that this particular child is afraid of snakes. So a roar wouldn't make him scream, it would make him cry, alerting his parents, exposing the monster world, destroying life as we know it, and of course, we can't have that, so I'm afraid I can not recommend that you continue in the scaring program. Good day.

Sulley:
Wait, what? But I'm a Sullivan.

Dean:
Well, I'm sure your family will be very disappointed. [ROR leaves the class; Sulley looks at Mike angrily and storms out of the class] And Mr. Wazowski, what you lack is something that cannot be taught: You're not scary. You will not be continuing in the scaring program.

Mike:
Please, let me try out the simulator. I will surprise you!

Dean:
Surprise me? I doubt that very much.

Sulley:
So... you guys are scaring majors?

Don Carlton:
[chuckling] We were. But none of us lasted very long. I guess we just weren't what old Hardscrabble was looking for. Don Carlton. Mature student. Thirty years in a textile industry, and then ol' dandy Don got downsized. Figured I could throw myself a pity party or go back to school and learn the computers.

Terry:
Hello! I'm Terry with a 'Y'.

Terri:
And I'm Terri with an 'I'. I'm a dance major!

Terry:
And I'm not.

Terri:
5, 6, 7, 8... [starts to dance while his brother rolls his eyes] 7, 8, turn! And turn... Why aren't you turning?

Terry:
Because we never agreed to do this.

Terri:
You said this was gonna be cool.

Terry:
No one said this was gonna be cool.

Terri:
Now I'm embarrassed.

Terry:
Now you're embarrassed?

Terri:
Yes, because it's in front of people!

Terry:
You should wake up embarrassed.

Art:
[rolls down the stairs] Hey, hey! I'm Art! New Age Philosophy Major. Excited to live with you, and laugh with you. [changes his mood] And cry with you. I thought you'd like to keep a dream journal!

Squishy:
Guess that leaves me. [Sulley suddenly screams once seeing him] My name's Scott Squibbles. My friends call me Squishy. I'm undeclared, unattached and... unwelcomed pretty much everywhere, but here.

Mike:
Well now that we've all been introduced. As captain of our team...

Sulley:
[cuts him off again] So basically you guys have no scaring experience?

Squishy:
[laughing] Not a lot. But now we've got you!

Don Carlton:
You're about the scariest fellow I've ever seen. Even with them pink polka dots.

Sulley:
Aww, thanks.

Mike:
Well, actually, I think I bring the whole package.

Squishy:
[grabs one of Sulley's hands] Your hands are as big as my face!

Terri:
[referring to Sulley] He's like a mountain, with fur!

Sulley:
Oh, come on. I don't even work out.

Art:
Yeah, me neither. I don't wanna get too big. [sniffs]

Don Carlton:
And here's what you've been waiting for, fellas. You very own Oozma Kappa bedroom.

Sulley:
Ah, great! We're sharing this room?

Don Carlton:
We'll let you guys get settled. Anything you need, you just give a big holler-rooney.

Sulley:
Okay, thanks, buddy. [quickly shuts the door in Don's face and glares at Mike] Are you kidding me?

Mike:
Look, they don't need to be good. I'm gonna carry the whole team.

Sulley:
Really? And who's gonna carry you?

Mike:
Hey, you wanna go back to can design? You know where the door is.

[the lights suddenly go out]

Sulley:
[flips the switch several times] Great.

Mike:
[mumbling while asleep] I know. You're a princess, and I'm just a stable boy.

[When the alarm clock suddenly goes off, realizing it is Sulley's hand, Mike responds with disgust, causing Sulley to fall out of his bed]

Sulley:
[to himself; shocked] MOM?! [to Mike] What are you doing?

Mike:
Your grubby paw was in my bed!

Sulley:
[stammering] Were you kissing my hand?

Mike:
[laughs] No! And what about you with all your shedding?

Sulley:
I don't shed.

Mike:
Really? [punches the mattress of Sulley's bed lightly, causing his fur to drop all over him]

Squishy:
[takes a picture of Mike and Sulley] First morning in the house!

Art:
That's going in the album!

[as Oozma Kappa are going to their first Scare Game challenge]

Art:
Of all the sewers in this school, this one has always been my favorite.

Terry Perry:
Art, you've been here before?

Art:
I have a life outside the house, you know!

Brock:
Let's begin the first competition! The Toxicity Challenge!

Claire:
Human children are toxic! [pointing to some human toys] And everything they touch is toxic.

Brock:
[as Claire uses a metal claw, reaching into a crate and pulling out a urchin] We don't have any human toys, but thanks to MU biology department, we found a close second. The Stinging Glow Urchin! Trust me when I say you are not gonna want to touch this bad boy.

Art:
I wanna touch it.

Claire:
And you certainly don't want to touch any of its friends. [the members look behind them and see several Stinging Glow Urchins scattered on the ground]

Art:
Yeah, I wanna touch 'em.

Brock:
This here is the starting line. The light at the end of the tunnel is the finish line.

Claire:
And, whoever comes in last is eliminated from the games.

Squishy:
Mike?

Mike:
[startled] Ah! What is it?

Squishy:
Does that mean if we lose we're out?

Mike:
Don't worry, Smoothie...

Squishy:
[corrects him] Squishy.

Mike:
...Squishy. We're not gonna lose, because we have everything we need to win right here. [points to his chest]

Squishy:
[smiling] Heart.

Mike:
No, me! I'm gonna win the race for us.

Sulley:
[pushes him out of the way] Alright, alright, that's very cute but move, move, move. I'm gonna win this.

Mike:
It's an obstacle course, what are you gonna do? Roar at it?

Sulley:
I can get through faster than you, little guy.

Terry:
We're experts in the ancient craft of close-up magic.

Terri:
It's all about...(the cards vanish)...misdirection.

Mike:
Guys, what are you doing?

Terry:
They said don't let her catch you!

Terri:
But they didn't say how!

Mike:
Don't worry. Nobody reads the school paper.

Art:
Yeah, but I'm pretty sure they read the quad.

[as ROR is selling t-shirts with pictures of Oozma Kappa being humiliated in the party]

Mike:
Hey, what do you think you're doing?!

Johnny:
Raising a little money for charity.

Mike:
Yeah, well stop it!

Johnny:
You want us to stop raising money for charity? That's not cool.

Chet:
[shouting to the public] This guy hates charity!

Mike:
I want you to stop making us look like fools!

Johnny:
Hey, you're making yourself look like fools. Let's be honest, boys. You're never gonna be real scarers, 'cause real scarers look like us. But hey, if you really want to work for a scaring company, they're always... hiring in the mail room. [points to a Monsters Inc. mail room ad in a newspaper]

Mike:
[His friends were leaving] Guys! Hold on! Hey, hey, hey, wait a second. Don't listen to him! We just, need to keep trying!

Sulley:
[mad] No! You need to stop trying! You can train monsters like this all you want, but you can't change who they are. [walks off in anger]

M.I. Guard:
WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?!

Art:
I CAN'T GO BACK TO JAIL!

Squishy:
Mom, go!

Sherri:
Seatbelts!

[Everyone buckles their seatbelts]

Squishy:
Okay, go!

Sherri:
Does anyone want gum?

Squishy:
[yelling] JUST DRIVE!

[after Randy loses to Sulley]

Johnny:
HEARTS?!

Chet:
[sarcastically] Way to go, Boggs!

[Randy looks at Sulley menacingly]

Randy:
That's the last time I lose to you, Sullivan.

Sulley:
Hey, don't worry about Hardscrabble. Don't worry about anyone else. Just go out there, and show 'em what Mike Wazowski can do.

Mike:
(smiles) Thanks.

[Mike checks on the box in the Scare bed, and notices the door's slightly opened]

Mike:
[opens the door] It's been tampered with.

Sulley:
Uh... I don't think you should be messing with that.

Mike:
[notices that his settings are at 0 instead of 10] Why are my settings... different?

Sulley:
[desperate] Mike, we should leave.

Mike:
[stands up; softly] Did you do this?

Sulley:
Mike...

Mike:
[louder] Did. You. Do this??

Sulley:
[nervously] I-- Uh-- [sighs; gives in] Yes, I did, but, you don't understand!

Mike:
[hurt] Why? Why did you do this?

Sulley:
[sighs again] You know, just in case.

Mike:
[skeptically] In case of what? [pause; unhappily] You don't think I'm scary.

Sulley:
[pleading] Mike...

Mike:
[interrupts] You said you believed in me... But you're just like Hardscrabble; you're just like everyone else!

Sulley:
Look, you'll get better and better--

Mike:
[explodes with rage] I'm as scary as you! I'm as scary as anyone!

Sulley:
I just wanted to help!

Mike:
No, you just wanted to help yourself!

Sulley:
[angrily] Well, what was I supposed to do?! Let the whole team fail because you don't have it?!

Dean:
You did what?!

Sulley:
My team had nothing to do with it. It was all me! I cheated.

Dean:
I expect you off campus by tomorrow.

Sulley:
Yes, ma'am.

Dean:
You're a disgrace to this University. And your family name.

[At the Lake, Sulley finds Mike, after he failed to scare children]

Sulley:
Mike! [Mike notices him from behind] C'mon, buddy. Let's get you out of here. [Mike ignores him] This is all my fault. I'm sorry.

Mike:
[Softly, sadly] You were right... They weren't scared of me. I did everything right. I wanted it more than anyone. And I thought... I thought if I wanted it enough, I could show everybody that... that Mike Wazowski is something special. And I'm just... not. [Angrily splashes his reflection on the lake]

Sulley:
[Sympathetically] Look, Mike, I know how you feel.

Mike:
[angry] DON'T DO THAT! Please, don't do that! You do not know how I feel!

Sulley:
Mike, calm down...

Mike:
Monsters like you have everything! You don't have to be good! You can mess up all over and over again, and the whole world loves you!

Sulley:
Mike!

Mike:
You'll never know what it's like to fail, because you were born a SULLIVAN!

Sulley:
Yeah, I'm a Sullivan! I'm the Sullivan who flunked out of every test! The one who's got kicked out of the program, and the one who's afraid of letting everyone down that I cheated! And I lied! [sighs] Mike, I'll never know how you feel. But you're not the only failure here. I act scary, Mike. But most of the time... I'm terrified.

[For 15 seconds, Sulley and Mike sat together at the Lake in silence]

Mike:
How come you never told me that before?

Sulley:
Because... we weren't friends before.

[last lines]

Merv:
Wazowski! Good luck on your first day!

Mike:
Thanks, Merv!

Monster:
Good luck, Mike!

Mike:
Thanks, fellas! [pauses at the line on the floor which is same line he crossed when he was six]

Sulley:
You coming, coach?

Mike:
You better believe it.

This summer, when it comes to college, there is a little monster in all of us.

School never looked this scary.

The first time they met, it was teacher's pet versus party animal. ("Teacher's Pet Versus Party Animal" tagline)