The 40 Year Old Virgin2005

Cal:
Oh, man, I had a weekend.

Andy Stitzer:
Yeah?

Cal:
We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. And... it's a woman f***in' a horse. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... it is not as cool as it sounds like it's gonna be. It's kinda gross.

Andy Stitzer:
Yeah.

Cal:
You think "A woman f***in' a horse" and you get there and... it's a woman f***ing a horse.

Andy Stitzer:
Yeah.

Cal:
It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her.

Andy Stitzer:
Yeah.

Cal:
I kinda felt bad for the horse!

Andy Stitzer:
Wow, that's something.

Cal:
So what about you? What did you get up to?

Andy Stitzer:
You know, I just kinda hung out. I was... [pause] Oh man, Friday, I really wanted an egg salad sandwich and I was just obsessing about it and I was like, 'Man, I'm gonna make one of those.' So Saturday, I went out and got, like, a dozen eggs and then I boiled them all and I just, I spent, I dunno, probably three hours, like three and a half hours making, you know, the mayonnaise, and the onions and paprika and, you know, the necessary accoutrement. And then, by the time I was done, I didn't really feel like like eating it.

Cal:
I can imagine.

Andy Stitzer:
And I didn't have any bread. [pause] So you know, it was pretty good. It was a good weekend.

Cal:
Sounds pretty awesome.

Andy Stitzer:
Yeah, it was fine.

Cal:
Sounds really fun. [pause] Cool... Cool cool.

Cal:
[Andy turns away and Cal mimics blowing his own brains out with a finger pistol]