The Red Green Show1991

[Red enters the lodge, feeling depressed]

Red Green:
Harold, if the people of this community ever find out what we did in that parking lot to that cow, I will never be able to hold my head up high again.

Harold Green:
You actually did it, Uncle Red? You did that whole "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" thing to that poor little defenseless milk-maker?

Red Green:
We chickened out, Harold, every last one of us. There wasn't one guy who could look into those big brown eyes and nail her with a sledgehammer. Guys were sobbing and they got misty-eyed. At one point, Moose Thompson asked the cow to marry him. This is a dark day for the image of Possum Lodge.

Harold Green:
Well, I for one am very proud of you, Uncle Red.

Red Green:
Don't make it worse, Harold. I don't know how many vegetarians there are in this country, but I bet most of them work in slaughter houses. Eating meat is like having kids: the less you know about it, the more likely you are to go ahead.

Harold Green:
Well, I hope you apologize to the cow, because she's had a very stressful day.

Red Green:
Oh, you can tell that by the back seat of Stinky's Cadillac.