The Big Bang Theory, Season 3

The Big Bang Theory (2007-) is an American television show, airing on CBS, centering on the lives of two physicists and their neighbor, an aspiring actress and waitress at The Cheesecake Factory. Created by the creators of Two and a Half Men and Dharma & Greg.

Penny:
Come on, Sheldon, let's go home - we're done fighting.

Sheldon:
I've heard that before. Then the next thing you know I'm hiding in my bedroom blaring a Richard Feynman lecture while my mom is shouting that "Jesus would forgive her if she put ground glass in my dad's meatloaf." And my dad's on the roof skeet shooting her Franklin Mint collectible plates.

Penny:
There's gonna be no more shouting and no skeet shooting.

Sheldon:
Really? Where's your friend Justin going to sleep?

Leonard:
Yeah, where's he gonna sleep?

Penny:
Oh, my God, would you let this go?!

Stuart:
[walking by] I'd let it go.

Leonard:
Why do I have to let it go, why can't you just tell the guy to find another place to sleep?! [Sheldon turns on a toy robot to drown out the arguing] Oh, for God's sakes! [turns off the robot] So, you have childhood issues - we all have childhood issues. At some point you just need to grow up and get past them.

[Sheldon turns on another robot]

Penny:
Leonard, will you just let me handle this, please? [takes robot from Sheldon and turns it off] Sheldon, please, try and understand. Look, Leonard and I are in a relationship, and occasionally, we're gonna fight. But - no matter what happens between us, we'll always love you. Right, Leonard?

Leonard:
Always is a long time. [both look at him] Sure, always.

Penny:
You know, how 'bout we buy you this robot and we all go home?

Sheldon:
I want that one. [points to the toy robot held by Leonard]

Penny:
Okay, we'll buy you that one.

Leonard:
Ah, come on, he's just gonna play with it twice and then it'll end up in his closet with all the other junk.

Penny:
Buy him the robot, Leonard. [Leonard walks off to buy the robot]

Sheldon:
Can I get this comic book, too?

Penny:
[mom-like tone and face] Yes, you can. [Sheldon runs off]

'[Howard enters Leonard's laboratory to mock him for his unsuccessful date the previous evening]

Howard:
Hey.

Leonard:
[handing him a pair of glasses] Laser.

Howard:
Had a great night last night. I don't like to kiss and tell, but... [puts glasses on] somebody made it to eighth base!

Leonard:
The hell is eighth base?

Howard:
Seventh base with shirt off. Well... My shirt. How'd things go with Penny?

Leonard:
[sarcastically] Oh, yes... Couldn't be better.

[He fires up the laser, igniting a Cylon action figure in its path and startling Howard]

Howard:
Are we taking our relationship frustrations out on innocent Cylons?

Leonard:
[extinguishing the fire] It's not just Cylons. Superman's next.

Howard:
Alright. I was gonna try to squeeze in a little more mocking before lunch, but I can come back later, when you don't have a high-power weapon.

Leonard:
How can I go out with a woman who believes in psychics?

Howard:
Hey, I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens.

Leonard:
And that didn't bother you?

Howard:
Au contraire. It meant she was gullible and open to a little probing.

Leonard:
What am I supposed to do, pretend I believe something I don't whenever I'm with Penny?

Howard:
Hey I'm sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she's with you.

Leonard:
Do me a favor. [points to the area in front of the laser] lean over and put your head right here.

Howard:
Let me show you another way to look at this. [Draws a large box on a dry-erase board] Here we have the universe of all women. [Draws one large circle inside the box] These are the ones you want to sleep with. [Draws an equal-size circle slightly intersecting the first] These are the women who believe exactly what you believe. [Draws a very small circle at bottom of the intersection] These are the women who would be willing to sleep with you. Right there at the little triple intersection is your ideal mate. Odds are she's a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China.

Leonard:
What's your point? In order to keep having a sexual relationship with Penny, I have to give up everything I believe in, my intellectual integrity, the very nature of who I am? I can't do that, Howard.

Howard:
I respect that. [takes Leonard's hand and dots his palm with the marker]

Leonard:
What is that?

Howard:
Your new girlfriend. Have fun tonight.

Sheldon:
Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.

Leonard:
What do you want?

Sheldon:
Maybe this isn't a good time.

Leonard:
Tell me what you want or I swear to God I will kill you.

Sheldon:
Do you really think death threats are a good way to start this conversation?

Leonard:
Alright, I'm sorry.

Sheldon:
Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.

Leonard:
What do you want?

Sheldon:
You may wanna sit down.

Leonard:
I'm in bed!

Sheldon:
Point taken. You may wanna sit up.

Leonard:
Just tell me what you want!

Sheldon:
I've been seeing Penny behind your back.

Leonard:
When you saying seeing Penny, what do you mean?

Sheldon:
We had dinner last night. She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs. I like spaghetti with little hot dogs. Well, a hot dog. I gave up the other 5 hot dogs to a real dog. A real big dog. A hell hound. There'll be a tangent line at the end, it's not important.

Leonard:
Then why did you have Chinese food with us?

Sheldon:
Wolowitz made it very clear my loyalty should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.

Leonard:
Is it possible that he said bros before hoes?

Sheldon:
Yes, but I rephrased to avoid offending the hoes.

Leonard:
Sheldon, I don't care if you wanna be friends with Penny.

Sheldon:
Really?

Leonard:
Yeah.

Sheldon:
You mean all the emotional distress I've been feeling is essentially useless and in vain.

Leonard:
I guess so.

Sheldon:
Well, as my Meemaw would say, "Looks like we butchered a pig but nobody wanted bacon." Oh, and as for the tangent line. Sheldon and the hell hound. OR How I lost my hot dogs.

Share your thoughts on The Big Bang Theory, Season 3's quotes with the community:

0 Comments

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this movie page to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "The Big Bang Theory, Season 3 Quotes." Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 16 Jan. 2021. <https://www.quotes.net/show/the_big_bang_theory,_season_3_quotes_184>.

    Know another quote from The Big Bang Theory, Season 3?

    Don't let people miss on a great quote from the "The Big Bang Theory, Season 3" show - add it here!

    Our favorite collection of

    Hot TV Shows

    »

    Quiz

    Are you a quotes master?

    »
    Who said: "A child miseducated is a child lost"?
    • A. Mother Teresa
    • B. Robertson Davies
    • C. George Bernard Shaw
    • D. John Fitzgerald Kennedy