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Adam Worth:
Is that a revolver under your bustle, or are you just happy to see me?

Helen Magnus:
Oh, it's a gun. Any last words?

Adam Worth:
Well, 'don't shoot' never seems to work with you.

Sanctuary, Season 4

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Harper:
Great, "Start the revolution without me!" Anything else I can do for you? Transmute the elements? Reverse entropy? Make you a sandwich?

Andromeda , Second Season

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Colin Quinn:
(as the new Weekend Update anchorman) You know how you go to your favorite bar, and your local bartender isn't there? You ask, "Where's Jeff?" "Jeff no longer works here, I'm Steve." And you're thinking, "Hey, who's this idiot? I like Jeff." But you still want your drink? And even though Steve doesn't mix your drink the same way you're used to, like Jeff, you still like the same bar, you don't want to have to go to a different bar. And even Steve might feel kinda bad because Jeff trained him. Jeff showed him how to work the cash register, where the tonic was on the soda gun, who tips, who doesn't. Well...I'm Steve. What can I get you?

Saturday Night Live, Season 23

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Cordelia:
[to Doyle] Let me explain the lore here, okay? They suffer, they fight-that's business as usual. They get groiny with one another-the world as we know it falls apart.

Angel , Season 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Lee:
Uh-huh. And noises. Uh, squeaks, thumps ... Maybe it's a jungle. It's hot, steamy.

Amanda:
Probably sexual. Freud would say.

Scarecrow and Mrs. King, Season 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Angel:
Hand me a blanket! I'm gonna catch on fire!

[Wesley hands him a blanket but instead of taking it, Angel looks down at his hands, then around himself.]

Angel:
Why am I not on fire?

Angel , Season 2

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Jordan:
Sex is for two things: making babies and revenge.

Scrubs , Season 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Fred:
(walks into the room) Well, I tried. (holds up a shirt) What do you think?

Wesley:
It looks brand new.

Fred:
(cries) It is. I-I bought a new one.

Wesley:
Even better.

Fred:
(crying) I know.

Angel:
What's the matter? She'll love it.

Fred:
I know, but she's not here.

Gunn:
She's just upstairs.

Fred:
Yes, but, when she's not around, (sobs) I hurt.

Angel , Season 4

added by anonymous
4 years ago

J.D.:
Wow, it has been an amazing six years. I wouldn't change any of it, would you guys?

Dr. Cox:
I'd damn sure change this moment, and any other moment that was even remotely like this moment. [leaves]

J.D.:
Hey, Turk...

Turk:
I'm not giving you a hug.

J.D.:
[narration] I hate this place.

Scrubs , Season 6

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Cyril:
Yep, see here? Kremensky just stole 50,000 from Archer's acount. Must have been doing it all along.

Archer:
Apology accepted. Ass douche.

Cyril:
Hey!

Archer:
What?

Lana:
[Points a gun at Archer] Call him that again.

Archer:
Make me!

Lana:
What?

Archer:
What? Mother, do you see this! This is a hostile work environment.

Archer , Season 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Sid:
Now you didn't tell me you didn't know how to drive. You should have mentioned that.

George:
Well I know how to drive.

Sid:
Then how'd all those cars get damaged? Why are people calling me up screaming on the phone? Most of them cancelled out on me.

Jerry:
Can I get anybody anything?

Sid:
Moving cars from one side of the street to the other don't take no more sense than putting on a pair of pants. My question to you is who's putting your pants on?

George I put my pants on, Sid.

Sid:
I don't believe you. If you can put your pants on, you can move those cars.

George:
Well I don't want to get into a big dispute about the pants.

Seinfeld, Season 3

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Archer:
A ruse? Hi, it's the 1930s. Can we have our words and clothes and shitty airplane back?

Rip:
Let's go, kid.

Archer:
Call you back, 1930s. And, hey, watch out for that Adolf Hitler. He's a bad egg.

Archer , Season 3

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Kramer:
[on the phone] Hey, I'm on First and... First. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe.

Seinfeld, Season 9

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Trevor:
Mrs. Roxy LeBlanc, we got married at City Hall. We never had a chance to say our vows and you never got to wear a wedding dress. So here it goes. [hands her a rose] Roxy, sometimes I think I've spent most of my life asleep, not taking any chances or any risks...

Roxy:
I think jumping out of an airplane is a risk.

Trevor:
Shh! [smiles] You're not supposed to interrupt me!

Roxy:
Sorry!

Trevor:
It's one thing to jump out of an airplane. It's another to really love someone. And I met you and you made sense of me. You are who I'm fighting for. You are who I'm coming home to. [looks at Roxy] Roxy, I love you. You are the love of my life.

Army Wives, Season 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

[Sherlock and John reach Eddie Van Coon's apartment building. Sherlock buzzes Van Coon's apartment, but no one answers]

John:
What are we gonna do now, then? Sit here and wait for him to come back? [Sherlock notices the label of Ms. Wintle, who lives directly above Van Coon]

Sherlock:
Just moved in.

John:
What?

Sherlock:
Floor above. New label.

John:
Could've just replaced it.

Sherlock:
No one ever does that. [presses button]

Ms. Wintle:
Hello?

Sherlock:
Hi! Um, I live in the flat just below you. Yeah, I don't think we've met!

Ms. Wintle:
No, well, er, I've just moved in.

Sherlock:
[grimaces] Actually, I just locked my keys in my flat!

Ms. Wintle:
Do you want me to buzz you in?

Sherlock:
Yeah. And can I use your balcony?

Ms. Wintle:
What?

[Cuts to Sherlock jumping off her balcony onto the one just below it. He then enters through the unlocked patio door. As he looks around, John buzzes the intercom.]

John:
Sherlock? [Sherlock continues to search] Sherlock? You okay? Any time you feel like letting me in? [Sherlock sees Van Coon's dead body. Cut to crime scene technicians taking photos of the body, as Sherlock and John stand by]

John:
You think he lost a lot of money? Suicide is common among city boys.

Sherlock:
It never was suicide.

John:
Come on. The door was locked from the inside. You had to climb down the balcony. [Sherlock looks at Van Coon's suitcase]

Sherlock:
Been away three days, judging by the laundry. [gets up] Look at the case, there was something tightly packed inside it.

John:
Thanks. I'll take your word for that.

Sherlock:
Problem?

John:
Yeah. I'm not desperate to root around some bloke's dirty underwear.

Sherlock , Series 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

George Sr.:
This is my vacation, Michael.

Michael:
You're doing time, Dad.

George Sr.:
I'm doing the time... of my life!

Arrested Development , Season 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Vic:
That kid's a novice. He was swallowing open jums of crack. I induced vomiting. Saved his goddamn life. We're still allowed to save lives right?

Aceveda:
I want a complete report.

Vic:
Sure, I'll have one for you day after tomorrow.... Oh that's right, you'll be gone. I'll mail one to ya!

The Shield, Season Four

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Thea:
Why do you have a gun?

Roy:
Because I'm no good with knives.

Arrow, Season 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Asa:
So do you promise that you'll try to protect me Rin, just like she has, the person I admire more than anyone else in this world?

Rin:
I promise, I'll protect you.

Shuffle!

added by anonymous
4 years ago

[In her 1982 coma world Alex sees each member of the team in turn on a TV while in a electricals store]

Ray Carling:
Come on, wake up! The doctor stopped the bleeding in your gut months ago. I wasn't gonna come here, but we've got this missing girl and what with the guv in hiding I'm on my own. Wake up! Come on, wake up! Help me!

Chris Skelton:
I couldn't get grapes so I got a melon [Alex laughs at the Chris' comment on the display] I'll leave it here for you. This Dorethy stuff, Dorethy Blond, we're all at sea on it boss, ma'am, what with the guv on the run, it's been three months now... Oh, Shaz is coming in later. We're not together anymore, but that's cool... It's not the same without you ma'am. Can't you wake up and...

Shaz Granger:
There's some melon on the floor ma'am, do you want me to clean it up? It's not fair, you made things better and then you left us. I went back to making bloody tea and biscuits. I should have got a job at Peak Freans. If you came back, I know you'd help me...

Jim Keats:
Alex? Look at what he has done to you. You don't know me, but I read all about you, you're the best of them Alex, it's not fair. He did this to you and I don't want history to repeat itself. I don't want you to end up like...

[The image cuts to flashes of all the characters who have talked yo Alex while she has been in her coma, until finally Gene appears]

Gene Hunt:
Wakey, wakey Drakey. Oh come on, you weren't that shot.

Ashes to Ashes, Series 3

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Tony:
Tonight's the night, Sid. You finally pop the cherry, you finally get the VIP tour of Neverland, you finally...

Sid:
F*** off. [mutters] Don't make fun of me.

Skins, Series 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Aang:
(quietly) I'm sorry.

Katara:
It's okay. It wasn't your fault.

Aang:
But you were right. And if firebenders found this temple, that means they found the other ones too...I really am the last airbender...

Avatar: The Last Airbender, Book 1: Water

added by anonymous
4 years ago

[Two men are seen sitting in a restaurant.  One is dressed in a suit and tie, the other dressed casually with a cap on his head.  The men are holding hands.]

Ichabod Crane:
Is that considered acceptable now?

Abbie Mills:
Oh!  Lots of attitudes have changed since your days.  Not everyone's, but Supreme Court has upheld the Constitutional right of same-sex couples, and more and more states are even legalizing gay marriage.

Ichabod Crane:
[with emphasis but not exclamation] I meant gentlemen wearing hats indoors.  I know about homosexuals, thank you.  I trained under Baron von Steuben.  His affections for his own sex were well known.  Also, I watched the finale of Glee.

Sleepy Hollow , Season 2

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Zuko:
Why did you do it?

Azula:
You're going to have to be a little more specific.

Zuko:
Why did you tell Father that I was the one who killed the Avatar?

Azula:
Can't this wait until morning?

Zuko:
(firmly) It can't.

Azula:
Fine. You seemed so worried about how father would treat you because you hadn't captured the Avatar. I figured, if I gave you the credit, you'd have nothing to worry about.

Zuko:
But why?

Azula:
Call it a generous gesture. I wanted to thank you for your help, and I was happy to share the glory.

Zuko:
You're lying.

Azula:
If you say so.

Zuko:
You have another motive for doing this. I just haven't figure out what it is.

Azula:
(stretching up her arms) Please, Zuko. What ulterior motive could I have? What could I possibly gain by letting you get all the glory for defeating the Avatar? Unless somehow, the Avatar was actually alive. All that glory would suddenly turn to shame and foolishness. But you said yourself that was impossible. Sleep well, Zuzu.

Avatar: The Last Airbender, Book 3: Fire

added by anonymous
4 years ago

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