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Pigeon:
Excuse me, is this a formal fight? You're all wearing tails.

Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers, Season 2

added by anonymous
4 years ago

[Kelso and Eric are trying to read the number on Eric's hand}]

Kelso:
72936.... ampersand?

Eric:
Oh yeah maybe. I'm not really sure how to dial that though.

Kelso:
You just [points to phone] ...oh man me neither.

That '70s Show, Season 4

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Sarah:
Hi Chuck! Where are you?

Chuck:
DVDs. I'm in the romantic-comedy section, although for irony's sake I suppose I should probably be in hostage thrillers.

Sarah:
So um, Ned let everyone call their loved ones. That was pretty smart to call me, protect our cover.

Chuck:
Yeah, well, you are my girlfriend. Sort of.

Sarah:
So does that mean your offer still stands for Christmas?

Chuck:
See I knew you could be heartwarmed. I actually, um...I have something for you. I was gonna give it to you tomorrow, but considering the circumstances I kind of want to give it to you today.

Sarah:
Chuck, we're gonna get out of here. We'll be fine, I-

[Chuck pulls out a bracelet]

Sarah:
promise. Wow. That's beautiful.

Chuck:
It's good luck. It was my mom's charm bracelet. My dad gave it to her when Ellie was born.

[Chuck puts it on Sarah's wrist]

Sarah:
Oh Chuck, I can't take this. This is something real. Something you should give to a real girlfriend.

Chuck:
...I know.

Chuck , Season 2

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Tanya:
See you after school.

That's So Raven, Season 3

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Casey:
The CIA created one of the most murderous men in the history of the world. Powerful people spending an enormous amount of energy covering that up. If they find out we know they order a guy like me to put a bullet in each one of our heads. Pretty sure your dad didn't want this to end that way.

Chuck , Season 4

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Titus:
I do a lot of crazy things when I'm drunk.

Erin:
I'm in a sack.

Titus And when I'm sober!

Titus , Season 2

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Michelle Morgan:
[the body blocking the church stairs leading to her wedding] Excuse me! I don't know what is going on here, but this is MY day and I want that body moved this instant!

The Closer, Season 3

added by anonymous
4 years ago

[During the opening sequence.]

Jeremy:
In tonight's Top Gear: The most relaxing way to spend 280,000 pounds on a car; Richard reveals a budget Bond car; and a floppy haired star in our reasonably priced car.

Top Gear, Series 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Will Jeffries:
That Mac-10 wasn't delivered to any gun store in Philadelphia.

Nick Vera:
Yeah, and I got the paper cuts to prove it.

Cold Case, Season 2

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Richard:
Oh, look! Jeremy's brought a plastic car!

Top Gear, Series 3

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Nelson Hayward:
I've been calling the papers. I called your commissioner's office from Fresno. But what's being done, Lieutenant?

Lt. Columbo:
Uh.

Nelson Hayward:
Sit down, sit down.

Lt. Columbo:
So far, sir, we don't have a thing.

Nelson Hayward:
Oh, that's disheartening.

Lt. Columbo:
Officially, that is.

Nelson Hayward:
And unofficially?

Lt. Columbo:
Unofficially we don't have anything either.

Columbo, Season Three

added by anonymous
4 years ago

[During the opening sequence.]

Jeremy:
Tonight: James tries his hand at being Beethoven; Richard wrestles a rampaging bull; and I develop a sudden urge to marry my cousin.

Top Gear, Series 6

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Jeff:
Not liking Glee club doesn't make us bullies. And implying that is reverse bullying.

Community , Season 3

added by anonymous
4 years ago

[on the Stig]

Jeremy:
Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and long before anyone else, he realized that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs... [the audience applauds wildly and Jeremy pauses for a short moment]... [laughing] all we know is, he's called the Stig.

Top Gear, Series 9

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Context:
Valerie is getting ready for a party, as the family are emigrating to Jamaica, when her hairdryer breaks, and she attempts to fix it.

Valerie Barlow (Anne Reid):
Hello? Oh hi! Yes, I know, but you've no idea, when I got the dress out, the hemp had come unpicked, and... well... you'll just have to wait! I haven't got another dress and my hair is still wet!

Ken, who is at the Rovers (Bill Roache):
Well, come as you are... wet hair, no dress - it's all the rage! Don't be so bashful! Oh come on, you've got to put your face on. Look, why not wear the one that god gave you, we both happen to like it!

Valerie:
Look, give me about half an hour... well twenty minutes and I'll be fit to be seen. Yes, well you're my husband, so it's a bit different... that's a bit cheeky, even for you! Soon as I can! Bye.

Coronation Street, 1971

added by anonymous
4 years ago

James:
[voiceover] With us out all we could hope was that Jeremy and Kiff the soundman would race on, cleanly and fairly.

Jeremy:
Ram him! RAM!

Top Gear, Series 11

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Ellie:
If we're gonna be sneaking around the neighborhood at night should my husband be dressed like a cat burglarĀ ?

Cougar Town, Season 2

added by anonymous
4 years ago

[David Coulthard and Jeremy's painting-with-an-F1-car experiment ends with Jeremy being hit in the testicles by high-speed paintballs and collapsing to the ground screaming]

Jeremy:
ARGH! Argh, God! My plums!

David:
I'll tell you, I'm not giving him mouth-to-mouth, that's for sure.

Top Gear, Series 14

added by anonymous
4 years ago

[After Chicken removed all his feathers to trade them with the Feather Fairy]

Cow and Chicken

added by anonymous
4 years ago

[During the opening sequence]

Jeremy:
[voice over] Tonight, Richard opens a glove box, James pulls a face, and I ask an important question. [spoken on camera] Have you ever put toothpaste on your testicles?

Top Gear, Series 21

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Gideon:
The French philosopher Voltaire wrote, "There are some that only employ words for the purpose of disguising their thoughts."

Criminal Minds, Season 1

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Owen:
So the protein chains are regenerating, despite the mutilations. So not only is it replenishing its own flesh, but it's increasing it, giving them a brand new meat supply.

Gwen:
It would last them for years, then.

Tosh:
If we understood how worked, we could feed the world!

Ianto:
[deadpan] We could release a single.

Torchwood, Series 2

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Johnny (Unsub):
No! Don't shoot him! He's all I have left...

Criminal Minds, Season 2

added by anonymous
4 years ago

Bill:
[to Sookie as she sucks bullets from Eric] What are you doing?

Sookie:
[spitting out a bullet with blood] I sucked silver out of Eric's chest and saved his life, even though I really didn't want to.

Eric:
[reclining on the floor]...She was superb.

Bill:
Eric was in no danger.

Sookie:
W-what?

Eric:
A tiny falsehood.

Bill:
He was already healing. The bullets would've pushed themselves out. This way he's... forced you to drink his blood.

Sookie:
No! No! No!

Bill:
You're connected. He'll be able to sense your emotions.

Sookie:
[to Eric] You big lying a-hole.

Eric:
Bill, you're right. I believe I can sense her emotions. [Sookie smacks him in the chest and runs to Bill]...Sweet.

Sookie:
[to Eric] I'll never do anything for you again! Monster!

Bill:
[to Sookie] It's not your fault.

Eric:
I think I'm gonna cry.

True Blood , Season 2

added by anonymous
4 years ago

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