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Passport Guy: [checks SF1's credit card] I don't even know what this -- What is "Vatican City" Special Fa-- Special Father #1: I am a Special Father of the Vatican City. Passport Guy: You got a passport? Special Father #1: This is better than a passport. Passport Guy: I need a passport or a U.S. Driver's license. Special Father #1: This is ridiculous. I can get in to see the pope with this, but I can't pick up a [bleep] package. This is [bleep] Special Sister: [to Passport Guy] You know who gives these out? God gives these out. Who did your background check, [bleep]? Passport Guy: Sir, you need to calm down. Special Sister: SIR?! [Special Sister beats Passport Guy] Special Father #1: [to Special Sister] Sister. Okay, go and get the package. Special Father #2: Hey, you smell something burning. [shows a scene outside the window where Lucy runs away holding a motor before Satan's Dildo Factory exploded] – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 14 hours ago
[Lucy comes by to Satan's Dildo Factory for assistance] Satan: [to the security guard on camera] No, don't let her in. Lucy: Dad, just let me into the workshop. I'll do the rest. Satan: Never. Lucy: This is a promotional opportunity. Just give me the motor and the shaft. Satan: Lucy, go home. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 14 hours ago
Becky: Civilization could collapse at any moment. It's time to start phase two. Satan! Satan: Sorry. What? I just got an e-mail from Lucy. She's killing me with this stuff. Satan: [types to Lucy] "Leave me alone". Send. Lucy: [types to his Dad] [laughs] "If you don't like that, you're gonna hate this". [Lucy posted a drawing of a handle with multiple dildos] Becky: I don't get it. Interpreter: That's the part you have sex with. Becky: I don't think you're right. Interpreter: Well, that's the part I'd have sex with. Satan: Alright, will you delete it? I don't want to look at it. Interpreter: Make it a screen saver. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 14 hours ago
Becky: According to our studies, if the people of the world masturbate just 8% more, civilization will collapse. Becky: We feel that men can't possibly masturbate more, but women -- Women can. Satan: Yeah, especially her. [referring to Becky] [laughs] Satan: [to a worker] Translate that. Interpreter: [speaking foreign language] Employees: [laughing] Becky: What? Satan: Uh, nothing. Becky: I just -- I have a flow going, and it doesn't help. It's hard not having an interpreter, but then to have you throw these things in. Interpreter: [speaks foreign language] Becky: [to Interpreter] No, you don't have to interpret this part. Satan: [to Interpreter] Sir, stop. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 15 hours ago
Satan: Hey, buddy. DJ Jesus: Hey, Lucy's Dad. Satan: No, not you, the snake. DJ Jesus: Oh. Satan: [laughs] Gotcha! DJ Jesus: Oh! [laughs] Oh, you dick. Satan: Come here. [Satan hug DJ Jesus] Satan: Where are you going, man? DJ Jesus: Where you going? Satan: Let's stay here. DJ Jesus: Let's do it. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
Becky: Come on, champ. We got a little bit too much to drink. Satan: [drunk] No, I didn't. Becky: And now it's time to Satan: No, I didn't. Becky: Can somebody find his sweater? Satan: Give me a kiss. Becky: Satan, stop. Stop. Satan: Kiss the devil. [sexy noises] Becky: Stop it. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
[when Satan and DJ Jesus keep singing so loudly, the Glass Eye of St. Augustine breaks, failing the mission to capture Lucy] Lucy: Sorry to keep you waiting. What can I get you? Special Sister: [bleep noises] Lucy: So, you need another minute? [to Special Sister] Oh, be careful. It's broken glass. Special Sister: Yeah, I know! Lucy: I'll go ahead and sweep it up, Special Sister: NO, I got it, thank you. Special Father #1: Great job, Sister. You and your eye. Special Sister: It would have WORKED. Lucy: So, you need another minute? Special Father #1: No, no, we can order. We'll get the nachos grande. Lucy: Great. Special Father #1: And, um, two di-aritas. Lucy: Terrific. Special Father #1: And, um, can we get a side of three refried beans. Lucy: No problem. Special Father #1: Great. Oh, can I have wa -- uh, ice water, too? Lucy: Ice water for both of you? Special Sister: I'LL HAVE A CHICKEN CON CARNE! Special Father #1: You know what? I'm gonna get some fried jalapenos as well. Lucy: Okay. Special Father #1: Yeah. Special Sister: FINE! Lucy: I'll be right back with your nachos. Special Father #1: And a strawberry di-arita. Special Sister: THIS IS A DISASTER! Special Father #1: [to Lucy] You know, as a backup. I mean, if we're gonna start the car, we might as well have a good engine, huh? You know what I mean? Lucy: I do. Special Father #1: You're cute. Lucy: Thank you. Special Father #1: I like your outfit. Special Sister: FATHER! Lucy: You don't think it's too small? Special Father #1: No, it's good. They certainly stuffed you in that one, huh? – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
Special Father #2: You know, I would split nachos. Special Father #1: I am not supposed to eat cheese. Special Father #2: You're supposed to eat cheese? Special Father #1: No, it'd like an irritable bowel -- Special Sister: FATHERS! – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
[while The Special Sister is still waiting to capture Lucy by using the Glass Eye of St. Augustine] Special Sister: We wait until she comes close. [the Special Fathers checks the menus of this restaurant] Special Father #2: Do you want to split this? Special Father #1: What is that? Special Father #2: It's a sandwich, a pulled-pork sandwich. Special Father #1: Oh, pulled-pork. What is this? I thought it was mexican. Why is it all of a sudden a barbecue restaurant? Special Father #2: I don't know. Special Father #1: This menu is all over the place. Special Sister: WE. ARE. ON. A. MISSION! – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
Judas: DJ Jesus has been bound by six pairs of regulation handcuffs supplied by the San Francisco Police Department and 4 different galvanized-steel chains. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
[The Special Fathers and Sister head to Satan's Bar-And-Grill Restaurant] Special Father #1: Smells good in here. Special Father #2: I am hungry. I-I'm really starving. Special Sister: You guys, duh, focus. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
Animatronic Talking Burrito: Holy chimichanga! I'm going out of my manga! – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
[after Satan sees Judas is doing Escapeoke for karaoke night] Satan: [to Lucy] This is your friend who does karaoke? Lucy: Yeah. Satan: You know I don't like you hanging around this guy. You know that. I told you that. Becky: I thought -- You told me he was dead. Satan: He is. He's dead right now. Come on, interns. Lucy, go get us some one of those atacolypses. [to Intern #1] Di-arita? Intern #1: Yeah. Satan: [to Intern #2] Di-arita? Intern #2: Yeah. Satan: Three di-aritas. Lucy: No, no, no, no, no. You can't kill him. He's the only one who knows how to run the karaoke machine. Satan: Right, he runs the karaoke. Lucy: Great. Satan: Alright, I got to think straight. Uuuuuuum...karoake's good. Becky: You've got to be kidding me. Satan: [angry] What's the matter, Becky, huh? You don't like singing and fun? Everyone else here does, okay, wet blanket? – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
Judas: Mike check, mike check, one two. ESCAPEOOOOOKE! DJ Jesus: Sounds good. Judas: Kick-ass acoustics here, man. Satan: [to Becky] Oh, this guy? Becky: Oh, not this guy. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 2 days ago
Animatronic Talking Burrito: Holy guacamole! I'm out of controli! Becky: Well, this is the place. Satan: I love that talking burrito. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 6 days ago
[Special Sister tries to summon Satan by using the Glass Eye of St. Augustine] Special Sister: Show us the spawn of Satan. Glass Eye of St. Augustine, find the antichrist. [the glass eye moves to SF1] Special Sister: I KNEW IT! Special Father #1: What? Special Sister: IT'S YOU! Special Father #1: What? Special Sister: You're the antichrist. Special Father #1: What are you talk-- No. Special Sister: Your weird accent and your fancy shoes with your swagger. Special Father #1: What's "Swagger"? Special Father #2: Excuse me, Sister, it's the poster. Special Sister: What? Special Father #2: The poster. The -- The eye is looking at the poster. Special Sister: Oh! Oh, my god. Special Father #1: Ha. Ha. Ha! Ha. I knew it. Special Sister: I'm so sor-- Special Father #1: I knew it. Special Sister: [stress] You just carry yourself in the way that I-- – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 6 days ago
DJ Jesus: Karaoke Tuesdays. Uh, we'll do it. Lucy: Really? DJ Jesus: A restaurant chain? That's the belly of the beast, man. That's awesome. Judas: That is awesome. DJ Jesus: We'll shoot it for the DVD, and we won't just do karaoke. We'll do Escapeoke. Judas: Whoa, whoa, whoa. DJ J. DJ Jesus: Shh. Don't worry about it. It'll be, uh, it'll be a fearacle. Like a fear miracle, you know? Lucy: Mm-hmm. DJ Jesus: Hey -- Hey, you smell something? Lucy: Um...no. Judas: I do. DJ Jesus: Yeah, you smell it, right, Judas? Judas: I do, man, I smell it. DJ Jesus: It smells like [sniffs] It smells like fish. Judas: It kind of does! Lucy: Fish? DJ Jesus: Yeah, like, right behind your ear. [DJ Jesus pulls a fish dish out of Lucy's ear] Judas: OH! Lucy: Oh. Huh. DJ Jesus: [to Lucy] Stay for dinner? Judas: Pulled out the platter of fish. DJ Jesus: You got that right. Judas: Dude, cameraman, tell me you got that? – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 6 days ago
Lucy: Hey, you know what would be horribly bad and tacky? Satan: What's that? Lucy: Karaoke. Satan: I love karaoke. Lucy: I know a guy who could set it up. Satan: You do? Lucy: Uh-huh. Satan: Luce, that's a good idea. Lucy: Thank you. Satan: I like it -- Like. We could call it, like... Deep Voice: Karaoke Tuesday. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 6 days ago
Satan: Hey, I just thought of a new drink. Diet Margarita. Guess what it's called. A Di-arita. Huh? Lucy: [tired] Brilliant. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 6 days ago
Satan: [on phone with a deep voice] You are the antichrist. Lucy, you are the -- [chuckles] Is that creepy? Lucy: Mm-hmm. So, you're just checking in or...? Satan: I'm ordering your, uh, Tequila Sally's uniform. Lucy: Right. Satan: So, what are you, a 10? Lucy: [pissed] A 10?! Satan: 12? What? Lucy: Oh, my -- Oh, my god, I'm a 6. Satan: Mmm, I don't think so. I mean, really? Lucy: Yeah, I-- I'm -- Satan: Ah, maybe I don't know women's clothing. Lucy: I think maybe you don't. Or women's body types because there's no universe in which I'm a 12. Satan: Look. Okay. Lucy. Lucy: Yeah. Satan: I don't want to order you a 6 and then you're gonna tell me a week after I get it for you, "I need a 10", or, "I need a 12". Lucy: That's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen. Satan: Alright, so between now and the time the 6 comes in, you should lose 20 pounds. [chuckles] Lucy: Dad! Satan: [chuckling] What? – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 6 days ago
Special Father #1: And behind it all, the antichrist, never resting, never wasting a single moment in her dark quest. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 6 days ago
DJ Jesus: Now, I don't know you, do I? We've -- We've never met. Sexy Woman: No. DJ Jesus: Is your name Delilah? Sexy Woman: No. DJ Jesus: Oh. Seriously? I'm -- I'm usually good at this. Is this your phone number? [suddenly birds appear and poop the sexy woman's phone number on street] Sexy Woman: Oh, my god, how did you do that? DJ Jesus: I'll call you and tell you later...when we are [bleep]. Sexy Woman: ...You're not gonna [bleep] me. [later] DJ Jesus: [on phone] Hello? Open your eyes. It's me on top of you [bleep] you. [shows a scene where DJ Jesus and the Sexy Woman have sex together while holding their phones] – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 6 days ago
DJ Jesus: I want to push deejaying. I want it to be more than deejaying and also less than deejaying. DJ Jesus: That's why I started incorporating miracles into my set. Miracles are like almost miracles. They get close, but, you know, it's not quite there. It's a miracle. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 6 days ago
Special Father #1: We were not aware at the time, but other forces were gathering. A humble deejay was rising in power and fame. – Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005)	added by timothyj.29104 6 days ago

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