True Blood

Eric Northman:
[to Bill] We had a deal, your human and I. She will work for me as often as I like.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[to Bill about Jessica's family] Please don't kill them!

Sookie Stackhouse:
[to Bill] I always thought as different as we are, some how we could still be together. And now I don't know.

Tara Thornton:
[to Sam] What is it with you and Mary Ann?

Sam Merlotte:
[tp Mary Ann] I don't know what you're doing here. But these are people I care about and I will not stand by and watch you hurt any of them.

Bill Compton:
[to Eden] I am here to protect you. I am your friend. So you just invite me in and I can make everything stop.

Jason Stackhouse:
You're either on the dark side or you're on the side of the light!

Sam Merlotte:
[to Mary Ann] This is my bar! These are my people! This is my town!

Maryann:
[to Sam] You better think twice before you threaten me ever again.

Rev. Steve Newlin:
We are forming an elite spiritual army.

Eric Northman:
The sheriff of Area 9 in Texas has gone missing. He is twice as old as I am and very powerful. If one such as he can be taken, than none of us is safe.

[repeated line]

Bill Compton:
What are you?

Eric Northman:
I've seen your website... it's very low rent.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[to Bill Compton] I almost died last night... again!

Sookie Stackhouse:
That's GRAN'S pie!

Maryann:
[after smacking Karl upside the head] Nobody needed towels!

Tara Thornton:
[to Lafayette] Giving V to Jason Stackhouse is like givin' ho ho's to a diabetic!

Eric Northman:
Perhaps I'll grow on you

Sookie Stackhouse:
I'd prefer cancer

Jessica Hamby:
[tastes Tru Blood] It tastes like ass!

Godric:
[in Old Swedish] I'll be your father, brother, son

Pam:
To Arlene's children: You make me so happy I never had any of you.

Eric Northman:
No, c'mon Pam, they're funny. They're like humans, but miniature. 'Teacup humans'.

Bill Compton:
You're connected. He'll be able to sense your emotions

Sookie Stackhouse:
You big lying A-hole

Eric Northman:
Bill, you're right. believe I can sense her emotions.

Godric:
A human with me at the end. With human tears. Two thousand years and I can still be surprised.

Lorena:
That was the best sex I've had in decades.

Bill Compton:
At least someone enjoyed it.

Alcide Herveaux:
No matter how well you think you know somebody, they can just turn around and kick you right in the nutsack.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I don't have a nutsack.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[as she tends to his wounds] Don't take it personally. The Were you were fightin' had vampire blood in him. Bill's in fact, so I know it's strong.

Alcide Herveaux:
Werewolves doing V? It goes against everything we stand for... the rest of the pack into that sh*t?

Sookie Stackhouse:
The one's who took Bill, at least.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Is Debbie your ex-girlfriend?

Alcide Herveaux:
[reserved] My fiance. She moved out a month ago.

Sookie Stackhouse:
A month? And you still haven't gotten new furniture?

Alcide Herveaux:
Don't have time for it.

Sookie Stackhouse:
You ever... hear from her?

Alcide Herveaux:
My sister Janice does. She runs a beauty parlor. Debbie still goes in to get her hair done.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[asnwering the phone] Hello?... Hello?... Bill?

Bill Compton:
...Yes.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Are you hurt? I know the werewolves have you.

Bill Compton:
Nobody has me. I have left my life in Bon Temps and I am leaving you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[shocked] The last time I saw you, you asked me to marry you.

Bill Compton:
You did us both a favor by not saying 'yes'.

Sookie Stackhouse:
You have to say that... Someone is is listenin'.

Bill Compton:
Lorena, actually.

Bill Compton:
Look at your life since I entered it. I've only caused you pain.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[in tears] That's not true!

Bill Compton:
I am death. I will only bring you sufferin'. Our worlds are too different. Our natures are to. We were doomed from the start.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I don't believe you.

Bill Compton:
Believe what you want. You are no longer of concern to me. Do not try to find me. I do not wish to be found. [hangs up]

Sookie Stackhouse:
[sobbing] What does he mean he doesn't want to be found?

Alcide Herveaux:
Um, I think it means he doesn't want to see you anymore.

Sookie Stackhouse:
That's not what he said.

Alcide Herveaux:
Well, what do you think he said?

Sookie Stackhouse:
I don't know what he said. I just know that isn't the man I love!

Alcide Herveaux:
Well, the man you loved never even existed except in your head.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Is that supposed to be making me feel better?

Alcide Herveaux:
I don't know but no matter how well you think you know somebody, they can still turn around and kick you!

Sookie Stackhouse:
[crying about Bill] He risked everything for me. This is way bigger than him breaking up with me.

Alcide Herveaux:
How many relationships you been in?

Sookie Stackhouse:
What does that matter?

Alcide Herveaux:
All I'm sayin' is there's no nice way of getting outta these things.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[leaning into him] Oh my god. You're so warm.

Alcide Herveaux:
Sorry.

Sookie Stackhouse:
It's okay. I'm just not used to it.

Alcide Herveaux:
It's a Were thing. We run hot.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I thought you were comin' down with the flu.

Alcide Herveaux:
...You probably want some privacy.

Sookie Stackhouse:
That's the last think I want.

Sam Merlotte:
[knocking on the van door] You're sleepin' in my parking lot?

Melinda Mickens:
We hadn't left yet because uh... well um, we got no where to go. We're a little behind in the rent. Plus our landlord got foreclosed on.

Sam Merlotte:
Oh, so that's why you came here? To eat me food and steal from me! Tommy tried to break into my safe.

Melinda Mickens:
Shoot! Somethime I think that boys cheese done slid right off his cracker! He does desperate things when we fall on hard times.

Franklin Mott:
[glamoring her] Tell me everything you know about Bill and Sookie.

Tara Thornton:
[tranced] She says it was love at first sight.

Franklin Mott:
You don't believe that?

Tara Thornton:
True love? Hell no. People just get what they want and leave.

Franklin Mott:
And what does Sookie want?

Tara Thornton:
Quiet. Being a telepath gets real noisy. She can't hear Bill.

Franklin Mott:
Her brother, is he a telepath too?

Tara Thornton:
Jason barely knows what he's thinkin', let alone anyone else.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Ring, ring hookah! Ring, Ring!

Janice Herveaux:
[after Sookie opens the door] You're Sookie Stackhouse? Thank you, Jesus. I mean I settled for a two-bit hooker to get my brother's mind off that b*tch, Debbie Pelt. But you are cute and sweet. You're just what he needs.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I called you 'cause I need to get into Lou Pines without standin' out.

Janice Herveaux:
You need to look the part. Well that is my specialty. How deep do you wanna go?

Sookie Stackhouse:
I wanna look like I could kick some serious ass, which I can.

Pam De Beaufort:
[over the phone] We're being raided.

Eric Northman:
So? Call the American Vampire League. They'll get their lawyers on it. I'm busy.

Pam De Beaufort:
[in Swedish] It's not the police. It's the Magister.

Eric Northman:
I'm coming there now.

Pam De Beaufort:
Don't be stupid. Leave while you still can. They're looking for the V, Eric. The Queen set you up.

Deputy Kenya Jones:
Well, I guess the only way to get a promotion in this town is to drink like a fish, hallucinate farm animals and kill a black man. Hey - promotion! Uh huh.

Sam Merlotte:
When people come in, first thing count how many of them there are. More than two always gets a table, never the bar. Say there's three. Pull out one, two, three menus, and walk them to their table.

Jessica Hamby:
Well, what about the waitressing part?

Sam Merlotte:
Gotta be 18 to serve alcohol in Louisiana.

Jessica Hamby:
That is so not fair, I'm never going to be 18! And I used to be the best server at Archer's Pancake night.

Sam Merlotte:
Think you can handle it?

Jessica Hamby:
I'm a vampire, not a f***ing idiot! [Turns to next group of customers] Hi, welcome to Merlotte's, table Five's available, if you'll just follow me to right this way. [Gives Sam a look as she walks by]

Sam Merlotte:
Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to give you a place, to stay, for now, till you get back on your feet. No more stealin' [gestures to Tommy] , no more drinkin' [looks at Joe Lee] or the deal's off.

Melinda Mickens:
I think we can manage that [Looks at her husband and son, gestures for Joe Lee to commit to Sam's requirements] .

Joe Lee Mickens:
I don't see why not. Tommy? Think you can fly straight from now on? [Looks at Sam with a slight smile] Supposed to be a joke.

Tommy Mickens:
Maybe I can. [Sam looks pleased] .

Alcide Herveaux:
What if our hearts can't be trusted and it's our brains we should be listening to?

Bill Compton:
I liked you better when you were brain damaged.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I can't change who I love. Lord knows I've tried.

Alcide Herveaux:
Try harder.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I can't stand this anymore; it's like being ripped in half. No matter what I do somebody gets hurt.

Bill Compton:
Sookie I just want you to be happy and if being happy and if being with Eric is what makes you happy, then you have my blessing.

Eric Northman:
See, it's OK Sookie, Bill's fine with it. Bill had his chance; he blew it. He lied to you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
...to protect me, and I lied to him to protect you and you've lied to both of us so many time, we can't count. What a mess.

Nan Flanagan:
How about your little fairy waitress. Oh come on, the mind reading, the microwave fingers. You didn't think I knew what she was? There are at least a couple of thousand vampires that would do almost anything to get a taste of her blood.

Eric Northman:
She smells fantastic, but it's hardly worth dying for.

Nan Flanagan:
I saw the way you both looked at her, hungry puppy dogs slobbering over the same juicy bone.

Bill Compton:
[Stakes Nan] We are not f***ing puppy dogs.

Eric Northman:
What a b*tch.

Hido Takahashi:
[Bill speaks Japanese, Takahashi looks annoyed] I'm fine.

Sam Merlotte:
She just lost her son.

Luna Garza:
She just ate her son!

Andy Bellefleur:
Jesus, Stackhouse. Have you slept with every woman in this town?

Jason Stackhouse:
I don't know, close, I guess.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Do something!

Pam De Beaufort:
I am. I'm laughing.

Ginger:
Why are you all dirty?

Pam De Beaufort:
I was in the ground. What's your excuse?

Pam:
I should have told you that lavender is my favorite color.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Pam, I'm in no mood for lesbian weirdness.

Lafayette Reynolds:
[to Lettie Mae] B*tch! You, me, bridge ain't gonna never motherf***in' happen.

Tara Thornton:
Arlene, you could at least pretend you give a f***!

Arlene Fowler:
I give a f***.

[last lines]

Bill Compton:
[to the wolves surrounding him] I should warn you... I have fed.

Jessica Hamby:
[about the symbol] It says something about Operation Werewolf.

Audrey:
[over the phone] I hope I didn't wake you?

Sam Merlotte:
I'm really glad you did, Audrey.

Jen:
[about Jason being soft] He's weird.

Missy:
What ever.

Jessica Hamby:
[to the dying trucker] Hey! What ever your name is, wake up!

Bill Compton:
[struggling] You're the one in charge, is that correct?

Cooter:
I got vamper juice all over my good touring gloves.

Bill Compton:
If you have any kind of orders to keep me alive, you are about to fail. At the rate you're drainin' me, I will die!

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
We are going to get through this so long as we act like everything is perfectly normal.

Jason Stackhouse:
I ain't even sure what normal is anymore.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
Well for you, normal is goin' out and gettin' tail. So I suggest you start there.

Jason Stackhouse:
No, that was the old Jason. I wanna be new Jason.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
Well, when this thing blows over you can go out and not get laid all you want to. But for now, you gotta be the Jason Stackhouse everybody knows. So conscience off, dick on. And everything's gonna be alright.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[watching Eric with the new dancer] What the s...?

Eric Northman:
[stops and turns] Sookie... see anything you like?

Pam:
I do.

Eric Northman:
I take it Sookie couldn't be stopped?

Pam:
What can I say? She overpowered me.

Lafayette Reynolds:
You fellin' all floaty yet?

Tara Thornton:
[broken] Kinda.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Good. Tequila and klonopin, baby girl. A steady diet of that will keep them thoughts away 'til y'alls more equipped to deal with them.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[comes in, seeing her crying] Tara?

Tara Thornton:
[sobbing] It's Eggs.

Sookie Stackhouse:
What happened?

Lafayette Reynolds:
They shot him.

Sookie Stackhouse:
What? Who?

Lafayette Reynolds:
Andy Bellefleur said Eggs came at him with a knife, confessing to killing those women and cuttin' out their hearts.

Tara Thornton:
The f*** he know any of that?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Oh my god. Tara, he came to me earlier today. Said he needed help 'membering what Maryann made him do. So, so I helped him.

Hoyt Fortenberry:
Well somebody musta told the truth about me then. My whole life has gone from happy to hell inside just a couple of days. No girlfriend. I got no roof over my head, unless you count my car.

Lettie Mae:
[about Tara] How is she?

Lafayette Reynolds:
[going to get in his car] Sleepin' finally. So keep it down. I don't wanna wake her up.

Lettie Mae:
Thank you for callin' me.

Lafayette Reynolds:
This ain't about you and me building a bridge into our future together, alright? You SHOT a gun at me! But you know what, I don't even have the time. I got two jobs, both of which I need. One of which I already didn't show up for today.

Lafayette Reynolds:
[to Lettie Mae] Do everybody a solid. Instead of looking up at a god that let all this sh*t happen, you need to keep your eyes on your f***ing daughter. She ain't right to be alone.

Reverend Daniels:
[to Tara] This devil woman came to you and introduced you to a man and together they tried to pull you down into the pits of hell.

Magister:
[entering the Fantasia with the Queen] Mr. Northman. I haven't seen you since the Bill Compton trial.

Eric Northman:
Yes, it's been uh too long. May I ask what brings you to Fantasia?

Queen Sophie Anne:
We need to talk. You should probably close up.

Eric Northman:
You can just use my office.

Queen Sophie Anne:
It's bugged.

Eric Northman:
How do you know this?

Queen Sophie Anne:
Because I'm the one who bugged it... It's how I know I can trust you.

Magister:
[to Eric and the Queen as the club clears out] No humans. I need both of you at full attention.

Eric Northman:
There's something I couldn't tell you infront of the Magister. Bill Compton has gone missing. Kidnapped perhaps.

Queen Sophie Anne:
I don't care. Move the blood.

Eric Northman:
He's the only vampire that knows about our arrangement. My side of it at least.

Queen Sophie Anne:
Then I don't understand why we're even talking about him. Let him rot.

Terry Bellefleur:
Are we still on?

Arlene Fowler:
I don't know, Terry. I need to focus on my kids!

[funning from the room]

Terry Bellefleur:
...Peculiar.

Bill Compton:
[entering the house] May I trouble you to use your phone?

Olivia:
[pushing her tank back into the living room] I don't have one. I had to chose between my oxygen and my phone. And since no one calls me anyhow, I chose oxygen.

Jessica Hamby:
[to Sookie as she comes through the door] You might wanna start lettin' me know when you're gonna be swingin' by. Have you considered...

Sookie Stackhouse:
Has Bill called you?

Jessica Hamby:
No, and I told you I would call you if he did.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Not that kinda call. I was just with Pam and she got all shivery. Than she told me Eric had just called her and she had to go.

Jessica Hamby:
She was shiverin'?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Have you felt anything like that?

Jessica Hamby:
Last night. It came over me like a wave and it made me feel sick too! Just like that time I drank Kahlua.

Sookie Stackhouse:
This isn't about under-age drinkin', Jessica! Bill is missing and without your help he might never come back.

Olivia:
[very dazed as she wakes up] Who are you?

Bill Compton:
That doesn't matter... what's your name?

Olivia:
Olivia.

Bill Compton:
That's a lovely name. Now listen, Olivia. I was never here tonight. You will not remember what I've done to you.

Olivia:
What did you do to me?

Bill Compton:
[smiling] Good girl. Now before I go, can you tell me where I am?

Olivia:
In my house.

Bill Compton:
And what parish do you live in?

Olivia:
I live in Copiah county.

Bill Compton:
[alarmed] Mississippi?

Olivia:
Yes.

Bill Compton:
[handing her money] I want you to have this. It's from Stanley. He came to see you.

Olivia:
He did?

Bill Compton:
He wanted you to have it to show you he appreciates everything you have ever done for him.

Olivia:
He's such a good boy, my Stanley.

Bill Compton:
I have to go now. Good bye, Olivia. [leaves quickly]

Sookie Stackhouse:
[looking through the wrecked car] There's a body in here, but it's not Bill's! Give me a hand!

Jessica Hamby:
[races down the hill and pulls out the body] Ewww!

Sookie Stackhouse:
Is there a wallet or phone that might tell us who this f***er is?

Jessica Hamby:
[quick search] No wallet, no phone.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Why aren't you takin' this seriously, Kenya? My boyfriend has been kidnapped.

Deputy Kenya Jones:
It's Deputy Jones and I'd appreciate you addressing me as such. How how long were you in the bathroom?

Sookie Stackhouse:
No more than a minute or two.

Deputy Kenya Jones:
Was it one minute or two?

Sookie Stackhouse:
What difference does it make when every second you spend questioning me, these bastards are getting further away!

Deputy Kenya Jones:
What if there were no bastards? What if, while you were in the bathroom for a minute or two, your vampire friend realized he didn't want to be humiliated any more and took off?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Well than, how do you explain the turned over table inside? Because to me that looks like evidence of a struggle.

Deputy Kenya Jones:
To me, it looks like a man lost his temper... and with good reason.

Terry Bellefleur:
Hey, 'cuz... I know what you're going through. That first kill is gotta a way of making you feel that's all you are. But you've got to know that you are a man this is still capable of goodness and of heartbreaking generosity of spirit. And if you cling to that with every thing you've got, you gonna be alright. I promise.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
[thinks for a minute and relaxes] Thank you for that.

Tara Thornton:
The only man I ever loved was just zipped up in a bag.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Bill's been kidnapped.

Jessica Hamby:
What? I thought y'all were just going to dinner.

Sookie Stackhouse:
We were. But than he proposed and than...

Jessica Hamby:
Oh my god. Wait, Sookie...

Sookie Stackhouse:
I-I didn't say yes.

Jessica Hamby:
You rejected him?

Sookie Stackhouse:
It's not like that. It's just... if he does come home, for what ever reason, call me and let me know even if he commands you not to.

Eric Northman:
So what brings you to Fangtasia this balmy summer night?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Bill's been kidnapped and I think you did it.

Eric Northman:
I didn't. Any other theories?

Sookie Stackhouse:
I'm still on this one. Thank you very much.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Tell me where I can find Lorena? If you don't have him, she does.

Eric Northman:
Solid theory. But given the tenure of your last run-in with Ms. Krasiki, I think it's better if I delt with her instead.

Sookie Stackhouse:
How do I know if you will?

Eric Northman:
Because if Bill was in fact kidnapped, by human or vampire, I am duty bound as sheriff in the area in which he resides to find him... even if I do want what is his.

Eric Northman:
[about Bill missing] The Queen is the last person I need finding out about this.

Pam:
You're not the only one whose fate hangs in the balance here.

Eric Northman:
And what do you think the Queen will do if I tell her I've lost the one vampire who could link her to the dealing of vampire blood?

Pam:
What do you think she'll do if she finds out from someone else? Call the Queen.

Eric Northman:
There are times when I seek your counsel, Pam. Now is not one of those times.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I take it you heard what happened last night with Bill?

Sheriff Bud Dearborne:
Kenya told me. She also told me you gotta hint out of line with her.

Sookie Stackhouse:
If anyone was outta line, it was her! The man I'd be engaged to right now if I gotta chance to say yes, was kidnapped last night and Kenya wouldn't even file a missing person's report.

Sheriff Bud Dearborne:
Well how the hell can she, Sookie; when the person missing ain't even a real person.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Okay, tell me you did not just say that. 'Cause if you did, I might have to forget that I was brought up to respect my elders. We are all suppose to respect our elders. And since Bill Compton has gotta about a hundred years on you, I think he deserves at least a hint of your respect... There's a woman, a vampire actually. Her name is Lorena Krasiki and I think she's the one who took him. I need your help to find her.

Sheriff Bud Dearborne:
You have to understand, Sookie. I got dead bodies pilin' up on me. Dead bodies and I can't be spending this departments limited resources followin' up on hunches about vampire-nappings.

Sookie Stackhouse:
See, I don't think I should have to understand that because I love Bill just like you love your wife and your children and your grandchildrn. So to my mind, that makes him worth following up on.

Magister:
Trouble abounds in your fair state.

Eric Northman:
Tell me.

Magister:
It would seem your idyllic little home is competing to become the V capital of the world.

Queen Sophie Anne:
Can you believe it? I am so embarrassed. Naturally I told the Magister that you were the only vampire in my kingdom that I could trust with this.

Eric Northman:
Anything I can do to be of service.

Magister:
Our blood is sacred. Wasting it on any thing but procreation is blasphemy.

Queen Sophie Anne:
Madness.

Eric Northman:
Desecration.

Magister:
Have you noticed an uptake is users in your neck of the woods? Maybe even here in your club?

Eric Northman:
I haven't. No.

Magister:
See that surpises me. Because every other sheriff to whom I have spoken to has. The amounts are so great in fact, we can only assume a vampire is responsible.

Queen Sophie Anne:
An act of self loathing so shameful that who ever is responsible should fall on his own stake.

Eric Northman:
Respectfully, Magister, I'm not sure I follow your logic.

Magister:
If your average run-of-the-mill drainers were behind this, it would stand to reason that said drainers would need vampires to drain; which means there would be missing vampires and plenty of them... How many vampires have gone missing in your area?

Eric Northman:
None, magister.

Magister:
So now, do you follow my logic.

Eric Northman:
I do, and I will look into the matter.

Magister:
Good, and I will expect results.

Queen Sophie Anne:
When we do find the vampire responsible, how will you punish him?

Eric Northman:
Or her?

Queen Sophie Anne:
And will it be in public?

Magister:
Of course when one who is proven guilty of such a crime must be made an example of. That kind of moral anarchy can not be allowed.

Queen Sophie Anne:
[about the Magister] Is it just me or is he really dull?

Queen Sophie Anne:
Isn't moral anarchy kind of the point? I can't think of anything more depressing that living by the law forever.

Eric Northman:
Your Highness, forgive me but I don't feel the same sense of relief you do.

Queen Sophie Anne:
You don't think he believed us.

Eric Northman:
Not entirely. No.

Queen Sophie Anne:
Than I suggest you sell everything you have as soon as possible.

Queen Sophie Anne:
The pigs at the IRS are breathing down my neck and I need money now. Sell the blood at half price if you have to. I don't care what it takes. Just move the product and cover our tracks.

Eric Northman:
With all due respect, your highness, I fear you're not considering all the angles.

Arlene Fowler:
I'm sorry you fell in love with a serial killer, alright, but honestly, who here hasn't?

Jessica Hamby:
I am a freak of f***ing nature!

Jason Stackhouse:
There's werewolves?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Yes.

Jason Stackhouse:
What about Bigfoot? Do you think he's real?

Sookie Stackhouse:
I suppose it's possible.

[pause]

Jason Stackhouse:
Santa?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Jason, focus!

Talbot:
[serving Bill Compton] Chilled, carbonated blood. It's cruelty-free. All willingly donated. Note the citrusy finish. This one only ate tangerines for a week.

Terry Bellefleur (Lowe, Todd):
I have a diploma from anger management, where I learned talking about feelings is a manly thing to do.

Russell Edgington:
[to Cooter about Bill] I said escort him. Not hunt him like an animal.

Cooter:
[transforming] He is a god-damned animal! He killed three of us. Ripped off Louie's ear. [to Bill] You're about to get deader.

Russell Edgington:
[to Bill] Coot can be a little sensitive about his name and the evisceration of his friends.

[to Coot]

Russell Edgington:
Future reference, Coot. I'm not a fan of improvisation. When I give you an order, I expect it to be followed exactly. You understand?

Bill Compton:
These wolves do your bidding?

Russell Edgington:
Well, unfortunately not as well as I hoped. I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Compton.

Bill Compton:
[incredulous] You're sorry? Your Majesty. You had me abducted by werewolves!... Dragged across state lines. They took silver to me; fed on my blood!

Russell Edgington:
[to Coot, incensed] You drank from guest?

Lettie Mae Thornton:
[rushing to the bathroom] What are you doing to her?

Lafayette Reynolds:
[carrying Tara] Savin' her life! You're to busy praisin' Jesus to realize your daughter's tryin' to move in with him permanently!

Lafayette Reynolds:
With a momma like you it's a miracle she ain't tried this years ago!

Lettie Mae Thornton:
Where are you takin' her?

Lafayette Reynolds:
Hospital!

Tara Thornton:
[crying] No, no!

Lettie Mae Thornton:
I'm goin' with you.

Lafayette Reynolds:
You failed this girl for the last time.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[about the symbol] It's stands for Operation Werewolf. Some kind of secret Nazi commando force from World War II.

Eric Northman:
And you found this branded on a dead man's neck?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Bill summoned Jessica there. I think he was trying to show us who kidnapped him.

Jessica Hamby:
[standing with Pam] Now there's werewolves?

Sookie Stackhouse:
That dead man was strong and fast enough to take Bill. I was hoping you could tell us more.

Eric Northman:
Never seen it before. Sorry.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Why do I get the feeling you're blowing me off?

Pam:
[to Jessica] Let's go to the ladies room and stare at ourselves in the mirrors.

Eric Northman:
Here's what I know about werewolves. There's a reason their exsistance has remained merely a myth to humans for thousands of years. They're territorial, vicious, and pathologically secretive.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[beat] Boy does that sound familiar.

Eric Northman:
And here's what I know about you. You're so blinded by your obsession with Bill Compton, you're likely to run through the streets screaming werewolf. By alerting who ever has Bill that we're on to him or getting yourself killed.

Sookie Stackhouse:
You think I'm that stupid?

Eric Northman:
No, I think you're human.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Don't underestimate me.

Eric Northman:
Don't underestimate yourself! Your life is too valuable to throw away!

Jessica Hamby:
Pam, when you're feeding on someone, how do you not kill them?

Pam:
Bill didn't teach you that?

Jessica Hamby:
Bill doesn't want me to feed on people and no he's gone. And...

Pam:
[applying lipgloss] It's in the heart beat. You feel it in the blood.

Jessica Hamby:
Yeah?

Pam:
And when it slows, you stop.

Jessica Hamby:
Yeah, but how do you stop?

Pam:
I think about crying children with soggy diapers. Also maggots.

Jessica Hamby:
Well... let's say you did kill someone by accident. What would you do with the body?

Eric Northman:
You have no connections in the Were community. They're not going to answer your questions because they don't even want you to know they exist.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Bill's out there somewhere in danger. I can't just go on with my life like that's not happening. You know that, maybe better than anyone. When Godric went missing...

Eric Northman:
[interupts] Bill Compton is no Godric!

Sookie Stackhouse:
[starts sobbing] He's everything to me.

Eric Northman:
Please don't do that. It makes me feel disturbingly human.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I risked my life to help you find Godric. And I don't expect you to do the same for Bill. But at the very least I hope you'll help me if you can.

Jessica Hamby:
Sookie, you gotta get me home before dawn.

Talbot:
[as the King and Bill enter] You're late.

Russell Edgington:
Talbot, William Compton.

Talbot:
Welcome to Mississippi, Bill. Sorry I'm not dressed. We were expecting you last night.

Russell Edgington:
There were complications with his escort.

Talbot:
[to Bill] I'll show you to your room.

Bill Compton:
My room? Your Majesty, you promised me an explaination.

Russell Edgington:
And I have no intention of letting you leave without one.

Talbot:
[about Bill] He's a challenge.

Russell Edgington:
I think I'm gonna have to bring in the girl.

Bill Compton:
You're only making matters worse for yourselves by holding me captive.

Russell Edgington:
Oh, no one's holding anyone captive. We're uh, we're conducting business. You're a guest in my house.

Bill Compton:
Guests are invited. Guests can leave at their own accord.

Russell Edgington:
Once you've heard my proposal, so can you if you chose.

Tara Thornton:
I don't need to go to the hosptial. Just pull over please.

Lafayette Reynolds:
[drives to a stop] You tried to kill yourself!

Tara Thornton:
I didn't plan it. I just saw the bottles and I thought... enough. I deserve some peace.

Tara Thornton:
[sobbing] If you take me to the hospital, they're gonna lock me in a padded room and pump me full of drugs. And force me to tell them what happened! If I tell them about Eggs and MaryAnn, they'll throw away the key.

Tara Thornton:
What the hell is wrong with me, Lafayette?

Lafayette Reynolds:
Life ain't not having problems, Tara! It's about being able to deal with the ones you got.

Tara Thornton:
Well, obviously I can't.

Lafayette Reynolds:
You can and you will, if I gotta drag your narrow ass through this world kicking and screaming. Buddha wasn't lying when he said life is suffering. It don't mean you get to check out early and leave me here.

Jessica Hamby:
What are you doing here? It's almost dawn.

Hoyt Fortenberry:
[holds the four pack] B positive. I thought you might be hungry.

Jessica Hamby:
Hoyt, you can't keep showin' up, leavin' stuff at my door.

Hoyt Fortenberry:
You gotta listen to me. If there's one thing I learned from this whole thing with my momma is I gotta take better care of you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
What are you doing eatin' my chicken in the dark?

Jason Stackhouse:
I couldn't sleep and umm well, I just kept thinkin' about how Gran would be doing handstands in her grave if she saw her house like this. [the mess] So I thought I'd come and clean up and than I got hungry.

Terry Bellefleur:
You know how to use one of these?

[holding out gun]

Sookie Stackhouse:
I ain't that blonde!

Sookie Stackhouse:
You heard about Eggs? I helped him remember things. That's why he went after Andy and got himself killed.

Jason Stackhouse:
Yeah, that wasn't your fault. Believe me.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Tell that to Tara. I don't think she's ever gonna forgive me. Maybe I deserve that.

Jason Stackhouse:
Well, you were trying to help. It's the thought that counts and Tara's tough. She'll get through it.

Tommy Mickens:
[holding a shotgun to Sam] Don't move. Get out of the truck.

Sam Merlotte:
Which is it? Don't move or get out of the truck?

Terry Bellefleur:
[searching the woods] Now this is weird.

Sookie Stackhouse:
What?

Terry Bellefleur:
The tracks stop here. This don't make a lick of sense. Unless he turned himself into a bird and flew away.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[looking to the ground] Or a wolf.

Terry Bellefleur:
Yeah... a panther or coyote maybe. But I ain't never seen no wolf in these parts.

Jesus Velasquez:
[as Tara & Lafayette enter] Can I help you?

Ruby Jean Reynolds:
[clearly out of it] No. That's just my son, Lafayette.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Hi momma.

Jesus Velasquez:
[to Ruby Jean] You told me your son passed away.

Ruby Jean Reynolds:
He did. God killed him, 'cause he's a f*ggot. But he keeps comin' back.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
[after the press conference] Hey, what are you doing here, Stackhouse?

Jason Stackhouse:
Wow. All these reporters... they here for you?

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
[sarcastically beat] No. It's 'cause of me winnin' the Miss America pageant. Thought I told you to lay low.

Jason Stackhouse:
I need your help with something.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
Ain't I done enough for you already?

Jason Stackhouse:
Hey! I was trying to save your life!

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
[hustling him away from the station] Now I'm tryin' to save yours.

Terry Bellefleur:
[about the werewolf] Won't he come lookin' for his clothes?

Sookie Stackhouse:
I'll be he'll come lookin' for more than that.

Terry Bellefleur:
I'd feel a lot better if you'd let me call Andy.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I've already got somebody on it. He's a sheriff and a vampire. Listen, Terry. You can't tell anyone about this. This guy is my one shot to finding Bill.

Terry Bellefleur:
I'm not so good with secrets.

Sookie Stackhouse:
You wait to tell people how you feel about 'em, you never know what can happen.

Terry Bellefleur:
[to Sookie] I've always liked you and I'd miss you if you got killed.

Melinda Mickens:
[to Sam] I was sixteen. Your daddy was doin' time in prison.

Joe Lee Mickens:
For a crime I didn't commit. Your momma didn't even tell me about you 'til she gave you away.

Melinda Mickens:
[tearing up] I didn't know what else to do.

Tara Thornton:
[about Ruby Jean] Why didn't you tell me?

Lafayette Reynolds:
She made me promise not to. Didn't want nobody seein' her like this.

Tara Thornton:
But six months, Lafayette? Alone in this place? Even she didn't deserve that.

Lafayette Reynolds:
That's right. She don't deserve it. You know much it cost keepin' her here? More than two legal jobs worth. That's how much.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[after his flashback] You and Godric were in the SS?

Eric Northman:
We posed as what would ever help us in our search.

Sookie Stackhouse:
But your were hunting Nazi werewolves?

Eric Northman:
The symbol is runic. This pack dates back a lot further than the Nazi party.

Sookie Stackhouse:
So they're not Nazis?

Eric Northman:
Oh, they're much more than that. These are not ordinary werewolves. They're organized, well funded and highly trained. They're fuelled by vampire blood.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Why didn't you tell me this last night?

Eric Northman:
Bigger question is, why am I risking everything to tell you now? My loyalty is not to Bill. In fact it would be advantageous for me in numerous ways if he were never found. But...

Sookie Stackhouse:
But?

Eric Northman:
Now they're coming for you and... I owe you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
And you said you were risking everything to tell me. What does that mean?

Eric Northman:
The goal tonight was to keep you out of danger, not put you in more of it.

[gets up and walks to the door]

Sookie Stackhouse:
Eric, you can't just say something like that, then-then leave.

Eric Northman:
Oh, I'm not leaving. You're going to invite me in, so I can protect you or have passionate primal sex with you... how about both?

Sookie Stackhouse:
You're not going to distract me by talking nasty.

Eric Northman:
I already have. So... are you going to invite me in?

Sookie Stackhouse:
I'm still Bill's.

Eric Northman:
[looking down at the ring] So you are.

Eric Northman:
[pacing the porch, teasingly] To have and to hold. To love and to cherish. To blah blah blah blah. Till death do you part. Doesn't bother you that you'll be the only one doing the dying?

Sookie Stackhouse:
I'm not going to talk about this with you.

Eric Northman:
Okay... So you'd really rather stay out here all night than invite me in?

Sookie Stackhouse:
One minute you lie to me, the next minute you ask me to trust you. You do something generous and selfless. And then follow that with something nasty or down right cruel.

Eric Northman:
[suddenly alert and rushing her to the door] Invite me in.

Sookie Stackhouse:
You can't just bully your way in.

Eric Northman:
[drawing his fangs] Invite me in. Now!

Sookie Stackhouse:
Mr. Northman, would you please come in.

Tara Thornton:
[about Ruby Jean] You think I could end up like her?

Lafayette Reynolds:
There's some darkness in this family, Tara. My momma, your momma. But they ain't strong enough to beat it. We are!

Lafayette Reynolds:
[before they leave the hospital] Is you feelin' me?

Tara Thornton:
I'm feelin' you.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Is we clear?

Tara Thornton:
We clear.

Lafayette Reynolds:
We got it?

Tara Thornton:
We got it.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Alright now.

Eric Northman:
[about the werewolves as she opens the door] They came for you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Just one this morning. He took off before I could get anything out of him. That why you're here? Or do you know something about Bill?

Bill Compton:
I am not the vampire you are looking for. I am not privied to the queen's secrets. Nor do I have any interest being your sheriff. I'm sorry to waist your time.

[rises to leave]

Russell Edgington:
[musing] Poor Sookie. Such a shame she has to pay the price for your stubbornness.

Bill Compton:
[drawing his fangs] You leave Sookie out of this!

Russell Edgington:
You are in my house, Mr. Compton. Put your fangs away!

Franklin Mott:
[to Tara] Busy night?... You the only waitress?

Tara Thornton:
Actually I'm a bartender and I ain't workin' tonight.

Franklin Mott:
Then what are you doing here?

Tara Thornton:
[almost in tears] Honestly, trying not to kill myself.

Franklin Mott:
And how's that going for you?

Tara Thornton:
Well I'm still alive.

Franklin Mott:
Makes one of us. You have any of those True Bloods?

Tara Thornton:
[going to the fridge] We only got B-positive and the microwave's busted.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
You're a good guy, Stackhouse. You got a lot of heart. You're prettier than most girls. If you just applied yourself right, you could accomplish almost anything.

Jason Stackhouse:
You really think so?

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
Why else would I be babysitting your drunk ass making sure you don't piss your entire future away?

Bill Compton:
[producing Sam] Maenad! I have your sacrifice!

Eric Northman:
I will take care of Bill Compton.

Jason Stackhouse:
I love the smell of nail polish in the morning!

Jane Bodehouse:
I always liked you. You gave me extra pickles.

Jason Stackhouse:
It's like if a tree falls in the woods, it's still a tree, ain't it?

Maryann Forrester:
[as Sookie is hauled into the living room] Just in time.

Sookie Stackhouse:
What the hell are you doing in my grandmother's wedding dress?

Maryann Forrester:
[happily] Welcome, Sookie. You're going to be my maid of honor.

Sookie Stackhouse:
You have no right to wear that dress!

Maryann Forrester:
I know I should have asked you, but I couldn't find you. You'll probably never use it anyway.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Oh, go to hell!

Maryann Forrester:
Please don't be so negative. It is my day.

Sookie Stackhouse:
And you're in my house and those are my friends!

Sookie Stackhouse:
[to Maryann] I don't know how you did what you've done to them, but I will not let this happen!

Maryann Forrester:
[after everyone has left] I'm all yours. Give it your best.

Sookie Stackhouse:
My best what?

Maryann Forrester:
The electricity. Do it again.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I can't. It's never happened to me before. I don't even know what it was.

Maryann Forrester:
[happily] I've never felt anything like it. It was like nature herself was shooting out from your fingertips.

Maryann Forrester:
[after Sookie tries to replicate the power and smacks Maryann] That's hitting me. You're not committing to this at all.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I do not have electrical powers. I am a human being!

Maryann Forrester:
You keep saying that, but if you were human...

[vibrating and stopping]

Maryann Forrester:
I would've taken you over by now. Come on, it'll be our little secret. What are you?

Sookie Stackhouse:
I'm a waitress. What the f*** are you?

Maxine Fortenberry:
[tranced] What would it do you to keep your own mother locked up in her own house. Norman Bates!

Hoyt Fortenberry:
You know I'm going to take everything you've said for the last two days, about me, about daddy and I'm gonna lock it up in a little box and I'm gonna forget it ever happened.

Maxine Fortenberry:
[growling] This is bigger than your petty little feelings. A god is coming into our midst. Does any part of your puny brain understand what that means?

Hoyt Fortenberry:
We're stayin' home!

Maryann Forrester:
Think back. Wasn't there a time when you felt someone or something watching over you?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Yes. God.

Maryann Forrester:
[snickering] Well, you can call it that. But it's not the same one the blind billions worship and in your heart of hearts, you know it.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Fine then. What am I?

Maryann Forrester:
You're definitely beyond human. I live off human energy and your I can't channel. That's very rare, though surprisingly not unique in this town.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[trying to understand] Sam. You're marrying Sam?

Maryann Forrester:
Please. My husband is a god. Sam is-is just the ideal wedding gift... oh, it's been such a long wait.

[tearing up]

Maryann Forrester:
I'm sorry. I'm getting a little over excited. I'll smear everything.

Sookie Stackhouse:
How do you know he's coming tonight?

Maryann Forrester:
Oh, no time has ever been more perfect. I'm know my special sacrifice is on his way.

[Sam]

Sookie Stackhouse:
He's done nothing to you!

Maryann Forrester:
He is the vessel. He appeared to me naked. A virgin drawn to the very statue that represents the birth of my god. 'Should have sacrificed him than and there. But I foolishly let him get away.

Sookie Stackhouse:
By sacrifice, does that involve cutting out his heart?

Maryann Forrester:
It's the food of the gods. My husband will love it. It's the very thing that gives him life.

Sookie Stackhouse:
You'll never get Sam. He's gonna escape you.

Eric Northman:
[playing yahtzee] How long does this game go on for?

Sophie-Anne Leclerq:
We play to five million.

Hadley Hale:
[whining] She's way ahead.

Sophie-Anne Leclerq:
It's pure luck. Yahtzee is the most egalitarian game in the world. You could be my social, physical or intellectual inferior, but your chances are equal to mine. It's the perfect antidote for this world, where things of inferiority and superiority do matter.

Sophie-Anne Leclerq:
[upset at Eric] You may be the strongest, oldest vampire in my queendom, but if I wanted I could own your fangs as earrings!

Bill Compton:
You've heard there's a maenad in our midst?

Sam Merlotte:
I'm familiar.

Bill Compton:
You are aware she is here because of you.

Sam Merlotte:
Something like that.

Bill Compton:
I need you and Sookie needs you to make this right.

Sam Merlotte:
If I thought it was as easy as givin' myself up to Maryann, I'd have done that by now, and what's to say she's gonna stop at me? Killers just don't suddenly quit killin'. You oughta know that.

Bill Compton:
And standing by idly is not an option either. You must come with me.

Sam Merlotte:
Oh, I'm not sure I wanna be doing that.

Bill Compton:
I'm not sure I'm giving you a choice.

Bill Compton:
I wanted to thank you for trusting me with your life. It couldn't have been easy.

Sam Merlotte:
Sookie's safe. You got what you wanted.

Bill Compton:
You wanted it too.

Sam Merlotte:
Well, she's family, but they all are. If there was a way to save 'em, I'm not gonna say 'no'.

Bill Compton:
I am grateful you would reveal your gift for the sake of the town.

Sam Merlotte:
It took me this long to realize you suffer a lot longer hidin' something than if you face up to it.

Eggs:
[washing his hands] Where's Maryann? She's gotta know what happened.

Tara Thornton:
We're okay. That's all that matters.

Eggs:
[scoffing] Blood on my hands is not okay, Tara!

Tara Thornton:
Sookie helped me remember some of the things I lost and I wish I could forget it again. Trust me, there's things you don't wanna know.

Eggs:
Well, how do you know I don't wanna know 'em?

Tara Thornton:
All that stuff's in the past. Why dwell on it? Can't was just start fresh?

Tara Thornton:
I'm so sorry for bringin' all this craziness into your house. I got cuked in 'cause she made me feel like I was part of a family or something.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Hey, you have a family. We're family.

Coby Fowler:
Mamma, when you were away for all that time, you didn't see Rene?

Arlene Fowler:
Oh no. I think he's still on his vacation. Eat, eat.

[walking away]

Lisa Fowler:
[to Coby] Yep. I'm pretty sure he's dead.

Sue Ann Merlotte:
We never thought we'd see you again.

Sam Merlotte:
Well, never say never when there's the Internet.

Sue Ann Merlotte:
Sam, if you came for an explanation, um I don't have a good one. Mitchell and I were down to our last nickle and we were scared. We still don't know what we saw that night.

Sam Merlotte:
You saw me turn into a dog. So apparently that was worth abandoning me over. I spent the next nineteen years making sure nobody knew what I really was. That's what you left me with.

Sue Ann Merlotte:
[crying] I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. We never meant to hurt you.

Bill Compton:
[to Sookie] I love nothing more than to see you happy. It's really quite selfish.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[finishing her dessert] It's a good thing you don't eat, 'cause I wouldn't share it with anyone. I think of a better way to top off the best meal of my life.

Bill Compton:
I do have one last thing.

[hands her an envelope]

Sookie Stackhouse:
[opening it] Plane tickets?... Where's Burlington?

Bill Compton:
It's in Vermont.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Why would we...

Bill Compton:
Here's the other part.

[takes out a jewel box and pushes it to her hands. She opens it to find a diamond ring]

Bill Compton:
Ms. Stackhouse, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? That is assuming last night did not scare you off weddings for good.

[as she says nothing]

Bill Compton:
Sookie, say something.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[tearing up] I've dreamed of this since I was a little girl... In my dreams I always say 'yes'.

Bill Compton:
Than it ought to be easy.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Then why can't I say it? My heart's flying around in my chest. I can't even think straight. My life's inside out. With all that's happened I'm not sure about anything. I don't even know if I'm human!

Bill Compton:
What?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Maybe I am some kind of freak. I've only met one other person in the world like me and who even knows where he is? And what happens when I grow old and weak and you're still the same, what then?

Bill Compton:
Sookie, I don't care about any of that. I want you just as you are.

Sookie Stackhouse:
But I'm not even sure what I am!

Bill Compton:
Are you saying no?

Sookie Stackhouse:
No, I'm saying... I don't know what I'm saying. I need a minute to clean myself up. I'm sorry.

[leaves the table]

Sheriff Bud Dearborne:
Come by the station in the morning and I'll give you your badge back.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
Really? I won't let you down, Bud. And I am never touching another drink again.

Sheriff Bud Dearborne:
This town's a hell of a mess and I'm man enough to know I can't shoulder it myself... You might have your faults, Andy, but at least you got pants on.

Sophie-Anne Leclerq:
You know there's a maenad in Renard parish.

Eric Northman:
Yes. That is the reason I came to see you, your majesty.

Sophie-Anne Leclerq:
I wouldn't get involved if I were you. Stick to what you're good at. I gave William Compton a few bits of hand-me-down folklore that accumulated over the centuries. But who knows what's gospel or gorilla sh*t... You know, I think he's monogamous with his human.

Eric Northman:
He is in love with her, yes.

Sophie-Anne Leclerq:
He is? Well, of course. He would be with her. You probably are too.

Eric Northman:
[almost reluctant] I do not love humans.

Sophie-Anne Leclerq:
She's not entirely human. Have you tasted her?

Eric Northman:
Sadly, no.

Sophie-Anne Leclerq:
Don't, ever. One vampire falling in love is bad enough.

Eric Northman:
Yes. Bill Compton certainly has a knack for finding trouble.

Sophie-Anne Leclerq:
For instance, how does he know I'm having you sell vampire blood?

[when he says nothing]

Sophie-Anne Leclerq:
Guards hear everything.

Eric Northman:
Your majesty, I'm sorry. There's no way he could...

Sophie-Anne Leclerq:
That is really bad.

Eric Northman:
He does not know you are supplying it.

Sophie-Anne Leclerq:
[jumping him] He better not! I'm holding you responsible.

Coralee:
[about Sam while he's walking away] God bless who ever made those jeans! I swear, I'd wear him like a scrunchie!

Sookie Stackhouse:
How long before sunrise?

Bill Compton:
Forty one minutes.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Hold me for forty?

Arlene Fowler:
Suppose she gets pregnant. How in the world can she nurse a baby with fangs?

Bill Compton:
This is where I spend my days. [Shows Sookie where he sleeps]

Sookie Stackhouse:
Does anyone ever get in there with you?

Bill Compton:
This is not a place for you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
So, we can never sleep beside each other?

Bill Compton:
No one else knows where I rest.

Bank Manager:
We have recently accepted a client who is Vampire-American.

Malcolm:
[girlishly] You never called me back. Now, if I remembered what feelings were, mine might be hurt.

Diane:
[circling Bill] Join our nest, Bill. Forget these blood sacks.

Liam:
Yeah. Mainstreaming's for pussies.

Diane:
Let's party like we use to, huh? We used to have so much fun.

Bill Compton:
[never taking his eyes of Sookie] All right. Let's go.

Sookie Stackhouse:
What the hell are you doing?

Bill Compton:
I should be with my own.

Sookie Stackhouse:
But you're not like them. You're better than they'll ever be.

Bill Compton:
I am not human, Sookie. I am vampire.

[leaves with Malcolm and his gang]

Sookie Stackhouse:
[surprised as Bill wipes off the mirror] Wait a minute. I thought you were supposed to be invisible in the mirror.

Bill Compton:
We started most of the myths about ourselves many centuries ago. If humans thought that we couldn't be seen in a mirror, it was another way for us to prove that we weren't vampires. And that way, we could stay hid.

Sookie Stackhouse:
So, what about holy water?

Bill Compton:
[splashing bath water] It's just water.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Crucifixes?

Bill Compton:
Geometry.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Garlic?

Bill Compton:
It's irritating, but that's pretty much it.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[pause, smiling] Wow. I feel a little weak.

Bill Compton:
Of course you do. I fed on your blood. You should take some vitamin B-12 to replenish.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Will I need to do that everyday?

Bill Compton:
If you don't mind, yes. And no garlic.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Is it always like this?

Bill Compton:
No, it is not.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I never thought I'd be able to...

Bill Compton:
I am honored that you chose me.

Bill Compton:
[pulling her close] You think about whatever you think about. It's okay. You're safe with me.

Tara Thornton:
No daddy and a drunk mom. All the fixin' fell to me.

Sam Merlotte:
[stopping Lafayette before he reaches the rednecks] Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm paying you to cook, not beat on customers.

Lafayette Reynolds:
[deadpan] Then I want a motherf***in' raise.

Sam Merlotte:
I'll think about it. But till then, no trouble.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Look at you! All pornalicious. What kinda crazy mix you done gone and got yourself into?

Sookie Stackhouse:
[almost laughing] Can't I just be in a good mood with out it bein' a big deal?

Randi Sue:
[on the phone with Jason] I may not know much, but I do know better than to associate myself with people of low moral character!

Pam:
Go on in... good luck gettin' out.

Tara Thornton:
[in the woods, walking to Miss Jeanette's] Damn! Get eatin' alive out here!

Lettie Mae Thornton:
You wanna meet the devil, you wait at the crossroads.

Tara Thornton:
Yeah, that was a mile back!

Lettie Mae Thornton:
For Miss Jeanette, you gotta go past where the devil's at.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[describing her vampire experience] It felt like- It-it felt like every single care or worry or saddness I ever had was just flowin' out of me into him. And, yeah it hurt at first. But then when I relaxed, didn't hurt at all.

Lafayette Reynolds:
[chagrined] I was always too scared to let 'em bite me. I don't know, Sook, I just think that when there's blood involved, a line been crossed.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Oh, I definitely crossed a line but glad I did.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Well you go ahead on, hooker with your badass. Good for you. It ain't possible to live unless you crossin' somebody's line.

Jason Stackhouse:
How much V you got?

Amy Burley:
How far to your place?

Jason Stackhouse:
Get in.

Terry Bellefleur:
[after Malcolm and his gang left] I froze up! I let everybody down. I didn't do nothin'.

Arlene Fowler:
[taking his hand] This ain't Baghdad, Terry. It's Merlotte's, okay. Ain't nothing anybody coulda done.

Terry Bellefleur:
[pauses] I'm supposed to.

Tara Thornton:
I can't believe I spent four hundred dollars to watch you drown a damn possum!

Uncle Bartlett:
[seeing Bill suddenly] I... I don't keep cash in the house.

Bill Compton:
Oh, I'm not here for money... I'm here for Sookie.

Miss Jeanette:
Find me when you're ready.

Andy Bellefleur:
[about their fishing] Bet you didn't do much fishin' in Iraq.

Terry Bellefleur:
No fish in the sandbox.

Andy Bellefleur:
No wonder they're so pissed off at us. We got channel cats and Shreveport poontang. I missed this. Gettin' up before dawn, like when we were kids, watch the sun comin' up.

[stops as they see a man running naked through the trees]

Andy Bellefleur:
That was Sam Merlotte!

Terry Bellefleur:
[sitting back] Yep. I done that before.

Bank Manager:
Well, I'm sorry, Mrs. Thornton, but it is against bank policy to extend a loan for an exorcism.

Terry Bellefleur:
[charging towards a vampire] Jihad this, motherf***er!

Sookie Stackhouse:
[when he walks through the house] Jason, what are you doing?

Jason Stackhouse:
[breathing heavy] Heh? Huh? Nothing. [looking at her neck, furious] You went ahead and did it, huh? My own sister. Nothing but a damned fangbanger. And you saved it all these years for a f***ing vampire.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Bill is a gentleman.

Jason Stackhouse:
He bit you!

Sookie Stackhouse:
He doesn't hit me, which is more than I can say for you!

Jason Stackhouse:
I tried to apologize for that but you wouldn't let me.

Jason Stackhouse:
[Jason is trying to subtly score V from Longshadow who's becoming irritated] Listen I'm looking for something that's a little closer to the color of the walls in here

Longshadow:
Just tell me what the f*** you want little boy.

Woman 1:
Are you sure she ain't a zombie?

Woman 2:
Holy crap, now they're zombies!

Pam De Beaufort:
I am not a zombie!

Woman 1:
That's exactly what a zombie would say, "I'm not a zombie".

Lafayette Reynolds:
[producing a small bag of pills] Your wish is my command.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Oh no, I don't do drugs!

Lafayette Reynolds:
Sook relax, this is not drugs, this is just a Valium.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Do it, I want you to.

Bill Compton:
Sookie, Sookie, Sookie, Sookie, Sookie, Soo-!

Sookie Stackhouse:
[about yelling at at neighbor] I shouldn't have lost it like that.

Tara Thornton:
Don't you feel sorry for yellin' at that snoopy old b*tch. She's been stickin' her nose where it don't belong for years.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Say it. I mean, if she talked any more sh*t she'd be shaped like a toilet. [as he and Tara start to laugh]

Jason Stackhouse:
[chasing her through the cemetery] Sookie... Sookie. Just hold up a sec.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[stoppign to snap at Jason] Why? So you can hit me again? Go ahead and tell me how it's all my fault. Tell me how you wish it were me in that coffin. I deserve it?

Jason Stackhouse:
[breathing heavy and walking towards her] I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[backing off] Don't touch me.

Jason Stackhouse:
Well, I didn't mean to hurt you. You gotta know that.

Sookie Stackhouse:
You invited Uncle Bartlett! How could you do that?

Jason Stackhouse:
He has a right to be here. I know he and Gran had their problems. But what ever they were, it don't matter no more. 'Cause that's what family does. We forgive each other.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[unbelieving] You have no idea what you're talking about.

Jason Stackhouse:
Sookie, please.I mean, we're all we've got.

Sookie Stackhouse:
We've got nothing.

Sam Merlotte:
[on the porch steps, after finding Adele] I should never have left you alone. I lost my temper and I shouldn't have.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Do you think you could apologize to me some other time?

Sam Merlotte:
[walking into Sookie's room] She's asking for you.

Bill Compton:
There something you want to say to me?

Sam Merlotte:
I want you to stay away from her.

Bill Compton:
You know Sookie doesn't take kindly to people making decisions for her.

Sam Merlotte:
You don't need to tell me who Sookie is. I know who she is. I've known a long time.

Bill Compton:
Well, then you'll also know that this is neither the time nor the place for you to... mark your territory.

Andy Bellefleur:
[about vampires] They sleep, just not at night.

Sookie Stackhouse:
This is my house. I'm staying right here!

Tara Thornton:
[peeved] Nothin' says I'm sorry like a tuna cheese cassarole.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Another one?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Gran's gone. She's really gone.

Tara Thornton:
Yeah, she is.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Can't even think straight.

Rene Lenier:
[as Jason pulls into work, realizing he doesn't know] Holy sh*t. This ain't no good.

Tara Thornton:
The sideshow's over!

Tara Thornton:
Maybe I should go check on Sookie.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Trust me, that child is dead to the world right now.

Bill Compton:
[to Sookie] Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere.

Tara Thornton:
[about vampires] Do you think they're capable of lovin' a person?

Lafayette Reynolds:
Who knows what they're capable of.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[to Uncle Bartlett, seething] You haven't been part of this family in a long time.

Lettie Mae Thornton:
[at the funeral] I got somethin' to say.

Lafayette Reynolds:
What is she doing?

Tara Thornton:
[trying to stop her] No, Mama!

Lettie Mae Thornton:
Oh, my f***in' God. Girl, this about to get ugly.

Sam Merlotte:
[about Sookie] She said she wants to be alone.

Tara Thornton:
Well, I don't.

Sam Merlotte:
Me either.

Tara Thornton:
Give us a little girl time. Come on Lafayette.

Lafayette Reynolds:
[looking at all of the food brought by the town] What the f*** is it with white people and jello? I don't understand.

Tara Thornton:
[annoyed] What the hell we gonna do with all this?

Lafayette Reynolds:
Toss it. Sookie don't need no bad juju cooking.

Tara Thornton:
Bad juju?

Lafayette Reynolds:
Way to a man's heart is through his stomach. That sh*t true as gold. You put some love in your food and folk can taste it. [picks up the cornbread] Smell this. You can smell the-the fear and nastiness comin' off that cornbread.

Tara Thornton:
[takes a bit] Tastes just fine to me.

Lafayette Reynolds:
See b*tch. You gonna wish you ain't did that. Watch.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[shouts] This is Gran's pie!

Andy Bellefleur:
Psycho sonuvabitch, goin' after a old lady that way, just about the sickest thing I ever seen.

Sheriff Bud Dearborne:
Nah. I've seen worse. There was a murder about 6 years ago, lady snapped, blew her husband's head off while he was watching the game. Big chunks of brain all over the TV.

Andy Bellefleur:
Why'd she do it?

Sheriff Bud Dearborne:
I guess she wanted to watch something else. How they hell would I know, Andy? People don't murder 'cuz they're right in the head!

Violet:
There are vampires who don't know how to separate feeding with sex. I am not one of them.

Sookie Stackhouse:
F***ing eternity? Couldn't he just ask me to go to the movies with him next week? It's like all men are incapable of just wanting to date me.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Death ain't the end anymore. We all know that now. Death is just a f***in' pitstop on a road that keeps on going, with no end in sight. So f*** you mom and dad. Screw your kisses and your hugs and your 'atta girls'. I'm going to become the one thing that you hated so much that you were willing to kill me for it. Because I'll be damned if I'm going to spend eternity lying by your sides. I would rather walk this world as a corpse then spend another minute thinking about you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Warlow wants to turn me Bill. Says he's been waiting on me going on six thousand years so now, guess what, his patience is starting ware pretty thin too and he's given me an ultimatum. The only way he will agree to help you is if I agree to become his faerie-vampire bride. So there, doesn't that sound like a conversation worth I dunno 5 minutes of your precious f***in' time?

Eric Northman:
You boys never saw me, understand? And the girl, what is her name? Adilyn, well you never saw Adilyn either, understand and you young man most certainly didn't get her shirt off, sorry I have to take that one from you but I have to.

Bill Compton:
Vampires are always in some kind of trouble. I prefer to be in it with you.

Lafayette Reynolds:
You a dizzy motherf***er. I said one drop, two max, and you took the whole thing.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Jason, you look me in the eye and you tell me the truth. Did you kill Dawn?

Jason:
What? No. Jesus, Sook. Look, when Maudette died I thought I might of done it, and it turned out I didn't. With Dawn, I don't even think I might have done it, so I know I didn't.

Hoyt Fortenberry:
[in his thoughts] Crying shame is what it is. This place ain't gonna be the same without Dawn. She had the prettiest nicest smile. Why was I so scared to talk to her? Now I'll never know what her voice sounded like. I bet it sounded like angels and parakeets mixed together.

Bill Compton:
[with Sookie at Fangtasia] You able to pick anything up?

Sookie Stackhouse:
[looking around] All anyone's thinkin' about here is sex, sex, sex!

Bill Compton:
One needn't be telepathic to pick up on that.

Bill Compton:
[looking at Eric and back down at his drink] Uh oh.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Don't say "uh oh". Vampires are not supposed to say "uh oh".

Bill Compton:
It's Eric. He's scanned you twice. He's goin' to summon us.

Sookie Stackhouse:
He can do that?

Bill Compton:
Oh, yeah.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[while driving to Fangtasia] Penny for your thoughts?

Bill Compton:
I thought you liked not knowing what I'm thinking.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Most of the time I do.

Bill Compton:
You won't care for it.

Sookie Stackhouse:
That doesn't mean I don't wanna know.

Bill Compton:
[looking at her clothes than back to the road] You look like vampire bait.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[laughing] What's that supposed to mean?

Bill Compton:
I promised your grandmother no harm would come to you at Fangtasia tonight. I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to keep that promise with you dressed like this.

Sookie Stackhouse:
So are you sayin' you think I look nice?

Bill Compton:
Doesn't matter what I think. This isn't a date. Remember?

Jason:
[in his thoughts] I'm too damn pretty to go to prison.

Tara Thornton:
School is just for white people looking for other white people to read to 'em. I figured I save my money and read to myself.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Ain't no antidote to V, boyfriend

Jason Stackhouse:
When my grandpa was alive, he had gout. And he said just the weight of a sheet on his big toe was too much to bear. So help me God, that's exactly what this feels like.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Maybe you should try rubbin' one out.

Jason Stackhouse:
Were you listenin' to me?... I got gout of the dick!

Sookie Stackhouse:
[after finding Dawn's body] Sweetie. What did you get yourself into?

Hoyt Fortenberry:
[about Dawn] I don't get it. She was so pretty.

Arlene Fowler:
Well, maybe it was just her time.

Rene Lenier:
[scoffing] Ahhhhh! She was only 23 years old. Ain't no 23 year old in the world whose time has come.

Arlene Fowler:
[laughing, after her argument with Rene] If all our conversation end with them saying 'fine', why do they bother puttin' up a fight?

Tara Thornton:
Race may not be a hot-button issue it once was, but it's still a button you can push on people.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[after pulling him outside of Merlottes] You know my friend who works here, Dawn? Some one killed her last night.

Bill Compton:
How?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Say you're sorry.

Bill Compton:
Excuse me?

Sookie Stackhouse:
You wanna learn to fit in with people, you gotta say you're sorry. You don't even have to mean it. Lord knows they don't most the time.

Bill Compton:
[trying] I am sorry.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Thank you. Anyway, I'm the one who found her. Strangled. Cops think it was my brother.

Bill Compton:
Was it?

Sookie Stackhouse:
No, he's not capable of it.

Bill Compton:
I've been around long enough to know just about anyone is capable of just about anything.

Sookie Stackhouse:
He didn't do it. So I've been listenin' in on peoples' thoughts, hopin' I might hear somethin' to clear him and apparently there's this vampire bar where Maudette and Dawn use to hang out at in Shreeveport. You know it?

Bill Compton:
Fangtasia.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Fang-tasia?

Bill Compton:
You have to remember that most vampires are very old. Puns used to be the highest form of humor.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Well I was thinkin' if I went there, I could do some sniffin' around. You think maybe you could take me?

Bill Compton:
[smiling slightly] How 'bout tonight?

Sookie Stackhouse:
The sooner the better. I just gotta tell Sam I'm leaving and run home and change.

Bill Compton:
Meet you there.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Thank you. Bill, I'm asking you this as a friend, okay? This is not a date.

Bill Compton:
Fine.

Sookie Stackhouse:
It's not a date. I'm serious.

Bill Compton:
[still smiling] As am I.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[at Fangtasia, looking around] Who's that?

Bill Compton:
Oh, you noticed him did you?

Sookie Stackhouse:
No, it's not like that. I just...

Bill Compton:
Everyone does. That's Eric. He's the oldest thing in this bar.

Tara Thornton:
[staying with him as the doctor's about to stick him with a needle] I ain't never gonna be the same after this.

Jason:
[extremely worried] You're not?

Eric Northman:
[in Swedish] V?r lilla djurpark b?rjar v?xa till sig. [Our little zoo is starting to grow]

Pam:
Jag vet. [I know]

Eric Northman:
So, Bill. Are you quite attached to your friend.

Bill Compton:
She is mine!

Sookie Stackhouse:
Yes. I am his.

Eric Northman:
Well, what a pitty... for me.

Eric Northman:
[as they are leaving] I enjoyed meeting you, Miss Stackhouse. You will come again.

Sam Merlotte:
You think maybe I should... shut down the bar for the day?

Sookie Stackhouse:
All that'd do is deny people a good, stiff drink on the day they could use it the most.

Jason:
[really worried] I think I might'a OD'd.

Tara Thornton:
Oh, my God. On what?

Jason:
V.

Tara Thornton:
You're doin' V now?

Jason:
It was my first time.

Tara Thornton:
Where on earth did you come across V in this town?

Jason:
Lafayette.

Tara Thornton:
My cousin is dealin' vampire blood now? God damn idiot. Well, at least that explains why I walked in on you dancin' around in that Laura Bush mask yesterday, 'cause I gotta tell you, without a reason, that was some f***ed up sh*t! All right, let me see it.

Jason:
Huh?

Tara Thornton:
How long have you had the erection?

Jason:
Well, how do you know?

Tara Thornton:
Um, I read. You're not the first vain-ass, body-conscious ex-jock to overdo the V and wind up with an acute case of priapism!

Bill Compton:
[points the gun at the state trooper's face] Now, you listen to me, officer. I do not take kindly to you shining your light in the eyes of my female companion. And as I have more than 100 years on you, I do not take kindly to you calling me "son". So the next time you pull somebody over on suspicion of bein' a vampire, you better pray to God that you're wrong. Because that vampire may not be as kind to you as I'm about to be. I'm not gonna kill you. But I am gonna keep your gun. Does that sound fair?

Sookie Stackhouse:
[inside Fangtasia] This feels a little bit like what a vampire bar would look like if it were a ride at Disney World.

Bill Compton:
Well, don't get too comfortable. It tends to get more authentic as the night wears on.

Pam:
[as he walks up to Fangtasia with Sookie] Bill. Haven't seen you in a while.

Bill Compton:
I'm mainstreamin'.

Pam:
Good for you. Who's the doll?

Bill Compton:
Pam, this is Sookie. Sookie, this is Pam.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[smiling, extending her hand to Pam] Pleased to meet you.

Pam:
[just looks at her] Can I see your ID?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Oh. Sure. How funny. Who'd have thought? Getting carded at a vampire bar.

Pam:
I can no longer tell human ages. We must be careful we serve no minors... in any capacity.

[looking at her id]

Pam:
Twenty-five, huh? How sweet it is.

Andy Bellefleur:
We assaulted a prisoner today! Now, Joe Bob's a son of a b*tch, but it is my job to protect son of a b*tches, too, and vampyrs and shifters and werechickens and whatever the f*** else is out there!

Jason Stackhouse:
World's going to hell in a hand bucket.

Pam De Beaufort:
Just because we drank a b*tch together does not make us Oprah and Gayle. Get the f*** back to work.

Tara Thornton:
Suck me, vampire Barbie!

Jerry McCafferty:
Oregon has rallied in anticipation of the state's upcoming ratification vote on the Vampire Rights Ammendment. Polls show the measure gaining support in recent months although nearly twenty percent of the country remains undecided.

[Suddenly Russell appears behind Jerry. His fist comes through Jerry's chest and then rips out Jerry's spine. People in the studio are heard screaming]

Russell Edgington:
Does that help you decide America? Do not turn off the camera! You've seen how quickly I can kill. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Russell Edgington, and I have been a vampire for nearly three-thousand years! Now, the American Vampire League wishes to perpetrate the notion that we are just like you, and, I suppose, in a few small ways we are. We're narcissists. We care only about getting what we want no matter what the cost, just like you. Global warming, perpetual war, toxic waste, child labor, torture, genocide... That's a small price to pay for your SUVs and your flat screen TVs, your blood diamonds, your... designer jeans, your absurd garish McMansions! Futile symbols of permanence to quell your... your quivering, spineless souls. But no, in the end, we... are... nothing... like you! We are... immortal! Because we drink the true blood! Blood that is living, organic, and human. Mmm! And that is the truth the AVL wishes to conceal from you, because let's face it, eating people is a tough sell these days, so they put on their friendly faces to pass their beloved VRA, but make no mistake: mine is the true face of vampires! Why... would we... seek... equal... rights? You... are not... our equals! We will eat you! After we eat your children! Now time for the weather. Tiffany?

Franklin Mott:
Don't, don't. It's an ugly, ugly sound.

Tara Thornton:
I-I killed you.

Franklin Mott:
That's what everyone said. That you did it. I thought why would anyone spread such vicious lies? Why would you kill someone that you loved?

Tara Thornton:
I do not love you.

Franklin Mott:
They said that too. That, I refused to believe. I had to see for myself. You wanna know what hurts the most? That you didn't mourn. If you had a shred of love in your heart for me... you would have mourned me! I love you so much.

Tara Thornton:
You don't love anything. You can't. Because you are a psychopath. You violated me and terrorized me, because that's what vampires do. And you're calling that love.

Franklin Mott:
I'll mourn you, Tara. I'll mourn you to my very marrow. The only pity is that you will never know how much I will grieve.

[Franklin extends his fangs]

Tara Thornton:
Come on! If you're gonna f***ing kill me, kill me! What's taking you so long? You want to hear me beg for my life? Is that it? It's the only thing y'all can feel. The destruction of life, because you ain't got none in you. You sick motherf***er, I won't give you the satisfaction!

Franklin Mott:
Why do you want to die so much? Why do you want to make me kill you?

Tara Thornton:
Because the second I'm gone, I'll be rid of you forever. I'll be free and you'll have nothing!

[He chokes her]

Franklin Mott:
Shut up! Shut up! Oh, your heart is beating so fast. I want to feel it stop.

[Jason appears holding his shotgun]

Jason Stackhouse:
Take your hands off her.

Franklin Mott:
This is a private conversation. It's none of your concern. Run along.

Jason Stackhouse:
Move the f*** away.

Franklin Mott:
What, you gonna shoot me now? You do realize I'm a vampire. You could empty every round in me and I'll heal.

[Jason fires and hits Franklin in the chest. Franklin explodes into a puddle of blood]

Jason Stackhouse:
Not if I got wooden bullets.

Jesus Velasquez:
[to Ruby Jean] You almost done in there? it's time for us to go home.

Ruby Jean Reynolds:
[Ruby Jean walks in all made up] You have got an excellent selection a cosmetics, I give you that.

[to Jesus]

Ruby Jean Reynolds:
I'm ready for you now. Ain't nothin gonna hurt me when I got on my warpaint.

[to Lafayette]

Ruby Jean Reynolds:
Somethin' different about you.

Lafayette Reynolds:
I don't think so.

Ruby Jean Reynolds:
Y'ain't got your mask on.

Lafayette Reynolds:
That's 'cause you've been in there hogging all my stuff.

Ruby Jean Reynolds:
I can see you. My son is shining through.

[about Jesus]

Ruby Jean Reynolds:
Did he do this to you?

Lafayette Reynolds:
No. Yeah. I guess you could say that.

Ruby Jean Reynolds:
I'll be damned. Maybe God LOVES fags!

Jesus Velasquez:
That sounds like a compliment. Ruby, we gotta go. Come on. You need to bless the jello so everyone can eat. Come on!

Lafayette Reynolds:
All right now, you go 'head. Without my ring, thank you.

Ruby Jean Reynolds:
Come see me, LaLa.

Lafayette Reynolds:
All right, Miss Lady, eat your vegetables.

Jesus Velasquez:
So I'll see you?

Lafayette Reynolds:
I'll see you.

Jesus Velasquez:
A visit from the chef. Wow. It's my lucky day!

Lafayette Reynolds:
I wanted to meet the sick f*** who ordered the veggie burger with bacon.

Jesus Velasquez:
I was just curious to see if you'd actually do it.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Boyfriend, for you, I'd do all kind of things against my better judgment.

Jesus Velasquez:
That's why I come back. For the personal service.

Lafayette Reynolds:
You don't finish that, and you ain't getting no dessert.

Jason Stackhouse:
Sometimes the right thing to do is the wrong thing.

Russell Edgington:
Miss Stackhouse, I'd like to propose a deal.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Oh, this ought to be good.

Russell Edgington:
I will give you my word that I will not harm you or anyone you love.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Steppin' around the fact that your word is worth about as much as tits on a turtle, what else?

Russell Edgington:
One million dollars.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Five.

Russell Edgington:
Two.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Seven.

Russell Edgington:
O.K. Five.

Sookie Stackhouse:
And what else?

Russell Edgington:
I will kill Eric Northman and Bill Compton, both. Or neither. Or just one of your choosing.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Both, and your house in Mississippi. I like that house.

Russell Edgington:
Done.

Sookie Stackhouse:
What do I have to do in return?

Russell Edgington:
Release me!

Sookie Stackhouse:
No!

Calvin Norris:
We don't need none of your f***ing help. We've been fine on our own for a long time.

Jason Stackhouse:
Is that so? Cuz I see a lot of people who look dirty, and hungry, and kids who probably ain't in school. And several people obviously got dental problems.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[to Bill, Eric and Pam] I don't want to look at your face, or any of your faces, for that matter. Go crawl back into your holes, you creepy, cold freaks.

Sophie-Anne:
[about Bill & Eric] All this alpha-male posturing. Why don't the two of you just f*** each other and get it over with...? I could watch.

Sophie-Anne:
I haven't enjoyed sex with men since the Eisenhower administration.

Bill Compton:
[watching Sophie-Anne feed on her female slave Hadley's thighs] Uh... is this a bad time?

Sophie-Anne:
[straightening] Bad time? There's no such thing as bad or time for that matter. Wanna join me?

Hoyt Fortenberry:
[pulling her back] You lost your mind?

Jessica Hamby:
Did you hear all those things she said about you and me?

Hoyt Fortenberry:
She's my momma. She gets to! 'The hell are you from?

Jessica Hamby:
[crying] I'm sorry.

Sophie-Anne:
What gives you the right to say "no" to the femoral blood of a good human woman? You know what your problem is, William? You're a snob. I hate snobs. I also hate tiny, tiny souls... or penises.

[to Hadley]

Sophie-Anne:
Get out.

[to Bill]

Sophie-Anne:
Have you eaten?

Bill Compton:
Not tonight, but...

Sophie-Anne:
I have several new members at court. A Latvian boy. Has to be tasted to be believed. Not polluted like most humans. Just exactly the way they use to taste just after I was turned. Before the Industrial Revolution f***ed everything to hell. Should I summon him?

Bill Compton:
[slightly chagrined] No, thank you. There are pressing matters at hand that I need your help with. I need to know how to kill a maenad.

Sophie-Anne:
A maenad, in Bon Temps? That's random.

Bill Compton:
Yes. She seems to have caused some sort of mass hypnosis. The whole town has devolved to a primitive state in a matter of days.

Sophie-Anne:
Oh my. She's an old one. Well, they're all old. Relics.

Bill Compton:
Ancient Greece, correct?

Sophie-Anne:
Before that even. Orgies, sacrifice?

Bill Compton:
Yes.

Sophie-Anne:
Cannibalism?

Bill Compton:
We suspect.

Sophie-Anne:
Oh, finally!

Bill Compton:
So, how do I kill it?

Sophie-Anne:
You can't. She's convinced herself she's immortal and so she is... William surly you know everything that exists imagined itself into existence.

Bill Compton:
Umm... I'm not entirely familiar with that theory, no.

Sophie-Anne:
[musing] Well, think about it. Imagine that you're a wild young girl who's married to some jerk who treats you like property and is also f***ing some 14-year-old boy. And along comes this religion which encourages you to get hammered, run naked through the woods, have sex with who ever, what ever, and it's all part of getting closer to God?

Bill Compton:
I can see how that would have it's appeal, especially to humans with their tendencies towards puritanism.

Sophie-Anne:
Exactly! So you're f***ing everybody in the dirt, why not kill something and eat it raw? Hey, you're super pious. There's nothing you can't do and each time you do, it brings you one step closer to the divine.

Bill Compton:
Isn't that delusional?

Sophie-Anne:
Never under-estimate the power of blind faith. It manifests in ways that bend the laws of physics or breaks them entirely.

Tara Thornton:
[pleading to Sookie] We have to go get him. Eggs needs to get out now! How many times have you put yourself in danger for the man you love? How come you get that option and I don't? I finally found a strong, beautiful man who loves me, and y'all wanna keep me from rescuing him because you're afraid I might get hurt? How hurt do you think I'm gonna be if we wait and something happens to him!

Jason Stackhouse:
[as they clean up Merlotte's] Seriously, you can become any animal, any time?

Sam Merlotte:
Yes as long as I imprint on them.

Jason Stackhouse:
That is f***in' cool man.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
Yeah well as cool as that may be, we still got a maenad we gotta deal with before it takes our whole town out.

Sam Merlotte:
Listen, you can't deal with it. Alright? Your best bet's to leave while you still can.

Jason Stackhouse:
Shouldn't was at least get the law involved?

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
[offended] I am involved!

Jason Stackhouse:
There's Sheriff Dearborne, Kenya, the other guy... the squirrely one.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
Sheriff's station was wide open and empty. It ain't gonna help.

Jason Stackhouse:
Then "we" are the law. Guys, I read a book about this. This is armageddon. This is the oral history of the zombie war... we need weapons. Lots of them.

Sam Merlotte:
Listen, I hate to break it to you but guns aren't going to do jack-sh*t to Maryann and you can't shoot anybody else. These are our friends. This is our town.

Jason Stackhouse:
Sometimes you need to destroy something to save it. That's in the Bible or the Constitution.

Lafayette Reynolds:
What was it like inside Tara's head?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Like there was no limit. Like anything could happen and probably will. You feel your insides expanding but there's also this... this emptying out right at the very center of your being and you don't want it to stop, ever.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Damn, that's deep.

Sookie Stackhouse:
How's your leg?

Lafayette Reynolds:
[flexing his knee] Better than ever.

Sookie Stackhouse:
How'd that happen?

Lafayette Reynolds:
Eric made me drink his mother-f***in' blood is how that happened.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Me too. He tricked me!

Lafayette Reynolds:
Somebody need to slap that b*tch.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I have.

Lafayette Reynolds:
[proud] Look at you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Have you had... any dreams about him?

Lafayette Reynolds:
[incredulously] Now Sook, how would you know about that?

Sookie Stackhouse:
What kind of dreams?

Lafayette Reynolds:
He's always in my head. Sex dreams is all kinda nasty and fantastic, which freaks me the f*** outs because I hates that mother-f***er more than you'll ever know.

Jason Stackhouse:
We gotta fix things, Andy. I ain't lettin' weird sh*t take over my town!

Sookie Stackhouse:
We just need to get in, get Tara, and get the hell out.

Tara Thornton:
Eggs?

Eggs:
[tranced out] Baby, where you been? I-I was so scred. Don't ever leave me again.

Tara Thornton:
I won't, I promise. I love you. we gotta get you outta her, okay. Let's go some where else, please.

[when he doesn't move]

Tara Thornton:
Listen to me.

Maryann Forrester:
[from behind her] But everything you want is right here. I knew you'd come.

Tara Thornton:
No. I don't know what you are, but I want out!

Maryann Forrester:
Oh, it's too late for that.

Tara Thornton:
You made me eat somebody's heart!

Maryann Forrester:
And you loved it. Admit it.

Tara Thornton:
You don't want us. You want Sam. we ain't got nothin' to do with it.

Maryann Forrester:
Nothing to do with it? 'You' summoned 'me'.

Tara Thornton:
[confusingly shocked] What?

Maryann Forrester:
That night in the woods with that unfortunate pharmacist. You saw me. Well you saw 'you' through me.

[flashs back to the fake exorcism]

Tara Thornton:
But Miss Jeanette was a fake. She scammed people by makin' up crazy rutals.

Maryann Forrester:
A ritual is a powerful thing and calling forth that kind of energy... that's god's ritual.

Tara Thornton:
She was real?

Maryann Forrester:
Sadly no. I should've known she wasn't the vessel, but you have to try every option.

Maxine Fortenberry:
[tranced] Maryann will remember this day for the rest of her life. I don't have heart to tell her it's all down hill from here.

Hoyt Fortenberry:
What the hell are you talkin' about?

Maxine Fortenberry:
'Cause there ain't no woman alive who'd go through with it if she knew the truth.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[in the trees, looking at her home] My gran lived and died in that house and now it's like people who were the exact opposite of everything she was... are defiling her... I almost got raped in Dallas, but this is so much worse.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Don't take it personal, Sook. They ain't themselves and they're not doin' it on purpose.

Sookie Stackhouse:
First time I met Maryann I knew there was somethin' seriously off about her. She was thinkin' creepy foreign stuff and I could tell it wasn't good.

Lafayette Reynolds:
You couldn't have stopped this.

Sookie Stackhouse:
How come there's so much wrong in the world, Lafayette? How come so many people are willing to do bad things and hurt other people?

Lafayette Reynolds:
'Cause they're weak.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Well I am not weak and I am not afraid! I am gonna kick that evil b*tch's ass outta my gran's house.

Eric Northman:
Why should I help you... shifter?

Sam Merlotte:
Because I need 'your' help. We need it and hopefully some day I might be able to give you something you need.

Eric Northman:
Can you give me Sookie Stackhouse?

Sam Merlotte:
No.

Eric Northman:
Well that's a shame. That would be a tribute I would not soon forget.

Sam Merlotte:
[irate] I'm not here to give you tribute, Eric.

Eric Northman:
No, you're here to request my help based on a hypothetical future in which you return the favor... But you are known not to be to friendly towards those like me. Why should I trust you?

Sam Merlotte:
Because until somebody starts trusting somebody, we're all single targets just right for the picking.

Lisa Fowler:
[to Eric] Can we see your fangs?

Eric Northman:
[draws his fangs as she flinches] Don't you like vampires, little girl?

Sam Merlotte:
[chafed] Eric!

Lisa Fowler:
Our almost step-dad hated vampires, but we don't.

Coby Fowler:
He went on a vacation with Jesus.

Pam:
[miffed] You make me so happy I never had any of you.

Eric Northman:
Oh come on, Pam. They're funny. They're like humans, but miniature. Teacup humans.

Sophie-Anne:
Maenads are sad, silly things... the world changed centuries ago and they're still waiting for the God who comes.

Bill Compton:
Does 'he' ever come?

Sophie-Anne:
Of course not. Gods never actually show up, they only exist in humans' minds, like money and morality.

Bill Compton:
If I can't kill her, how do I get her to leave Bon Temps?

Sophie-Anne:
She has to believe she successfully summoned forth Dionysus in hope he will ravage her and quite literally devour her until she is lost into oblivion.

Bill Compton:
So she seeks death? The true death. The only thing she has evolved beyond.

Sophie-Anne:
You know they're really not that smart, these maenads.

Bill Compton:
So how does she summon this non-existent god of hers?

Sophie-Anne:
I never said he was non-existent. I just said he never comes. She believes if she finds the perfect vessel, sacrifices and devours part of him or her, plus surrounded by the magic of her familiars then her mad god will appear. At that point when she willingly surrenders herself to him...

Bill Compton:
That's the only point she can be killed.

Bill Compton:
[as he leaves the Queen's house] What are you doing here?

Eric Northman:
Hopin' the Queen knows how to kick some maenad's ass.

Bill Compton:
[skeptical] Now why would you do that? So that you look like a hero to Sookie?

Eric Northman:
[smoothing his hair] Oh Billy, this paranoia is really quite unbecoming. Has she, uh, mentioned me?

Bill Compton:
No. That was really quite desperate of you. Tricking her into drinking your blood, so that she'd become attracted to you.

Eric Northman:
Unlike you, who fed her your own blood the very night you met.

Bill Compton:
How do you know that?

Eric Northman:
So you're not denying it.

Bill Compton:
I was saving her life.

Eric Northman:
Isn't that convenient.

Bill Compton:
You stay away from Sookie, Eric or I will tell the Queen you are forcing humans to sell vampire blood for you.

Eric Northman:
[ominous] You wouldn't.

Bill Compton:
I won't... as long as you never come close to Sookie ever again.

Eric Northman:
I don't like threats, Bill.

Bill Compton:
Neither do I.

[walks away]

Jason Stackhouse:
Why ain't you never liked me, Andy? Was it because of how much p*ssy I get?

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
No.

Jason Stackhouse:
'Cause I ain't never taken any p*ssy away from you. There is more than enough p*ssy to go around.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
It ain't about p*ssy! I just think you've had everything to easy.

Jason Stackhouse:
What have I ever had that was easy?

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
You were all-state quarter back.

Jason Stackhouse:
You think that was easy? I'm startin' to have knee issues and I ain't even thirty yet. What else?

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
Well yeah, women do just throw themselves at you. You don't even have to do anything.

Jason Stackhouse:
Yeah well, actually I do. I work out like a mother-f***er and I watch a lotta porn to learn stuff. What else?... My best friend killed my grandma and my girlfriend. I come from no money. My momma and daddy died when I was eleven.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
So did mine!

Jason Stackhouse:
Your daddy died in Vietnam, but your momma ran off with some yankee race car driver. You may hate me, Andy Bellefleur. You may think you're better than me and maybe you are. But you and me are the ones who have received the callin' to save this town! So obviously God wants us to bury the hatchet.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
[understanding] It's all up to us, aint' it?

Jason Stackhouse:
It is and we can't f*** it up.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
[certain] We won't f*** it up.

Jason Stackhouse:
This town might be full of crazy rednecks and dumb-asses, but they're still Americans.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
That used to mean something.

Jason Stackhouse:
It still does!

Sookie Stackhouse:
[to Tara] You're bein' a f***in' idiot!

Maryann Forrester:
[to the fooled townsfolk] You f***ing morons!

Maryann Forrester:
Must I do everything myself?

Pam:
[about Maryann] That thing owes me a pair of shoes!

Sophie-Anne:
I love watching two men together.

Ludis:
I can have the sex with you!

Bill Compton:
That will not be necessary.

Rosie:
Really? You dialed 911 and you got me? Oh, honey, you are f***ed.

Jason Stackhouse:
You think Sam could turn into a chicken and lay his own egg? Wouldn't that be weird, eating something just came out of you?

Andy Bellefleur:
What kind of a perverted brain would even think of something like that?

Eric Northman:
Apparently you wanted my fathers crown for your vast collection of meaningless sh*t.

Bill Compton:
When this is over, let's begin again. We'll be new.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Will we? I don't know. I don't know if people change, even when they try.

Bill Compton:
We can if we want to. Do you want to?

Sookie Stackhouse:
You know I do.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Who would we be if we were normal? It's hard to even picture it. Would we live in Gran's house or your house?

Bill Compton:
Both. We'd be married, happily married.

Sookie Stackhouse:
And I'm not a waitress anymore. I'm... I'm going to college. No, I'm a real estate agent, and I'm really rich.

Bill Compton:
I teach third grade and I love my job.

Sookie Stackhouse:
We'll have a big flower garden.

Bill Compton:
We grow vegetables.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Tara comes over for dinner and sometimes we double date with Arlene and Terry.

Bill Compton:
And I go fishing with Jason.

Sookie Stackhouse:
We don't even know Eric Northman.

Bill Compton:
Everything is peaceful.

Eric Northman:
[sensing Lorena walking in behind him] I was beginning to think you weren't going to accept my invitation, Lorena.

Lorena:
For a vampire, you're a terrible liar.

Isabel:
I know how worried you were about Sookie infiltrating the Fellowship and I thought Hugo could help.

Bill Compton:
And why would you want to help us?

Isabel:
Because Godric is my sheriff, not yours. It would be criminal to let you take such a risk without my at least offering.

Lorena:
Why am I here, Mr. Northman?

Eric Northman:
We want the same thing, you and I.

[when she just looks at him]

Eric Northman:
Okay, Bill has something I want and he's in the way.

Lorena:
[knowingly] His human?

Eric Northman:
She's something more than human.

Lorena:
What is she?

Eric Northman:
That I do not know. Whatever it is, he loves her.

Lorena:
What makes you think I want him back? That I'd even take him back.

Eric Northman:
Because you didn't come all this way just to see me.

Lorena:
[seething] I haven't seen Bill Compton is over seventy years. Surely you can't think I have any pull over him, what so ever.

Eric Northman:
I haven't seen my make for much longer than that and yet, I am still loyal to him. Fiercely.

Lorena:
Shame I didn't turn you. Then again... you're not really my type.

Eggs:
[trying to fix the water heater] Shoot!

Tara Thornton:
[with the phone] Want me to take a look and you can hold the line?

Eggs:
[straightening] See, that was some spiteful sh*t what you just said righ there. I got this, ok? I'm the man of the house.

Andy Bellefleur:
I've been noticin' some strange things about you lately.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Like?

Andy Bellefleur:
Like the fact you just up and vanished for over two weeks. Like the fact now that you are back, you seemed to have lost some of your pizazz.

Lafayette Reynolds:
[almost laughing] My pizazz?

Andy Bellefleur:
Right. In case you didn't hear, Lafayette. A woman's dead!

Sookie Stackhouse:
[with Hugo, pulling up to the church and seeing Sarah] Why do I know her?

Hugo:
Because she's on TV all the time. That's Sara Newlin. She's the reverend's wife.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Oh, right. You know, in person she looks like vanilla pudding.

Hugo:
I thought you were gonna let me do all the talking.

Sookie Stackhouse:
When I get nervous, sometimes I talk too much.

Tara Thornton:
[out in the woods] We've been walkin' for over fourty-five minutes now and you still haven't told me where we're going!

Eggs:
Yeah, I did. I said I don't know.

Tara Thornton:
'I don't know' isn't a place, Eggs! It's a state of mind. It's a state of mind I don't like being in!

Pam:
[from behind him] Remember me? [as he jumps] Aww, you do. How's life?

Lafayette Reynolds:
Not so good. Uh, is you real?

Pam:
[looking around the freezer] Hmmm. This is nice. I could sleep here in a pinch.

Lafayette Reynolds:
What are you doin' here? I ain't said nothin' to nobody.

Pam:
And I knew you wouldn't.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Why then the f*** ya'll just glamour me, huh?

Pam:
Oh poor thing. We would have, but then you wouldn't have remembered that you owed us.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Owe you?

Pam:
Eric sent me with a request. [holding up a small bottle of blood] You're back in business.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Oh no I ain't. I'm outta that sh*t.

Pam:
So sorry. But you're very much back in this sh*t.

Lafayette Reynolds:
You locked me up and tortured me for damn near three mother-f***in' weeks, 'cause you caught me selling V and now...

Pam:
Now what?

Lafayette Reynolds:
What the f*** is vampire's doing selling V anyway?

Pam:
We're not. You are. Get to work.

Lorena:
[as Bill wakes up suddenly] Is somethin' happenin' to your human?

Bill Compton:
Lorena!

Lorena:
[holding him down] I made you. Your blood knows mine. You will never physically overpower me.

Luke McDonald:
Sex outside of marriage is a sin.

Jason Stackhouse:
You really believe that?

Luke McDonald:
It ain't what I believe, it's what God believes. Some sins are bigger than others.

Jason Stackhouse:
Like what?

Luke McDonald:
Well, let's say you're gonna do it outta wedlock, gotta make sure the girl you do it to ain't married either.

Jason Stackhouse:
Right. 'Cause adultery's bad.

Luke McDonald:
One of the worst, right up there with incest and beastiology.

Jason Stackhouse:
The f...

Luke McDonald:
But all of 'em put together ain't half as bad as if you do it to a vampire. Or to a dude. Or a vampire dude. That's like creme de la creme sin. There ain't no repentance for that!

Hoyt Fortenberry:
I'm so sorry, Jessica.

Jessica Hamby:
You came all this way?

Hoyt Fortenberry:
You're not mad at me?

Jessica Hamby:
No... I'm so happy I could cry, but I don't want to because it's really gross when I do.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[to Lorena before she stakes her] You wouldn't know love if it kicked you in the fangs!

Pam:
[to the Magister about the earrings] How'd you know I was a Tiffany's girl?

Jason Stackhouse:
I'm just sweepin'.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
Where's your broom?

Lorena:
[after biting Sookie] No wonder Bill's drawn to you. You're delicious.

Debbie Pelt:
[to Sookie with Bill wrapped in the tarp] You shouldn't have. Vampire burrito for me?

Tara Thornton:
[to Alcide] You need a faster van!

Jason Stackhouse:
Never really thought I was smart enough to get depressed.

Jason Stackhouse:
[to Hoyt] I knew you and me bein' roommates wasn't gonna suck forever.

Summer:
[to Hoyt] I baked biscuits. My great gram's recipe, still warm from the oven, butter churned by hand and home made strawberry preserves I picked myself from the church house garden.

Eric Northman:
The only vampire a vampire can trust is the vampire he made.

Sam Merlotte:
[to Melinda] I thought Tara had a shitty mother but you take the cake!

Sam Merlotte:
[to Melinda and Joe Lee] I thought the Merlottes were bad parents but you Mickens make them look like the Dalai Lama!

Jason Stackhouse:
[as she lays in a coma] Sook, don't do this to me. I meant what I said. You're all I got.

Claudine:
[to Sookie] Don't fear the water.

Russell Edgington:
[to Eric about Fangtaisa] Love the place, love the vibe. We must talk franchising later.

Queen Sophie Anne:
Can we get this over with? I'm getting cold feet.

Queen Sophie Anne:
[after marrying Russell] Yes, thanks. I'm so happy I could bleed.

Pam:
[after she is freed] You can dish it out but you sure can't take it, can you Magister?

Eric Northman:
Let's see how this plays out, Pam. You can always taunt later.

Tara Thornton:
[about Bill] Sookie, let's go! He is dead!

Sookie Stackhouse:
[holding Lorena's entrails] No, he's not. This is what happens when a vampire dies.

Summer:
[to Hoyt] I'm not a vampire like your last girlfriend.

Debbie Pelt:
He killed my Cooter!

Lafayette Reynolds:
I think over again my small adventures, my fears, those small ones that seemed so big. For all the vital things I had to get and reach and yet there is only one great thing, the only thing to live to see the great day that dawns and the light that fills the world.

Jason Stackhouse:
That's beautiful.

Lafayette Reynolds:
That's because that sh*t is Inuit. And we all is used to lesser religions.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Momma, how do you know all this?

Ruby Jean Reynolds:
I ain't got no f***ing clue, baby. The electricity just runs through me. It always has. I be seein' sh*t I ain't got no right to be seein'. Sh*t that I don't even know what it even is.

Ruby Jean Reynolds:
Jesus loves you, Lala, through and through. Don't you ever forget that. Jesus love the little faggots.

Sam Merlotte:
[transforming] I'm not the killer, I swear. I'm a shapeshifter.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[thunderstruck]... Shut the f*** up.

Amy Burley:
I am an organic vegan and my carbon footprint is miniscule.

Amy Burley:
Withholding is tantamount to lying, and I can't have that in our relationship.

Sookie Stackhouse:
A shape shifter?

Sam Merlotte:
Most of us refer to ourselves simply as shifters.

Sam Merlotte:
I need a live animal in order to shift. You know, as a model. Kinda like an imprint.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[after he told her about shape shifting] What else is there?

Sam Merlotte:
More than you can imagine.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Life is just getting too weird too fast.

Sam Merlotte:
[about her party] What do you want it took look like?

Terry Bellefleur:
A d?butante ball.

Arlene Fowler:
[happily] Hug your neck! You know exactly what I'm talkin' about. I'll be right back. Thank you, Sam! [walks off]

Sam Merlotte:
How'd you know what she wanted?

Terry Bellefleur:
My cousin Portia was a deb, in Shreveport when she turned 18. Every Bellefleur woman's been doin' it since they started having 'em before the Revolutionary War.

Sam Merlotte:
Must be nice to come from such an old family.

Terry Bellefleur:
All families are old, Sam. Some just keep better records.

Tara Thornton:
[infuriated] What was in that sh*t you gave me, that snake juice?

Miss Jeanette:
Ipecac syrup and a small amount of peyote. It's perfectly safe.

Magister:
[to a vampire] Idiot! You fed on a human that belonged to another. Three months of starving 'till your fangs grow back will teach you better manners.

Magister:
Bring me your murderer.

Jason Stackhouse:
[about Amy] I think I lost the upper hand in the relationship.

Bill Compton:
Long Shadow was choking the girl and would have killed her.

Magister:
So you murdered a higher life form for the sake of your pet! You broke an acient and fundimental law. You decreased our numbers at a critical time in our history. Very bad. Very, very bad.

Bill Compton:
Magister, Long Shadow broke the law first. She was mine and he knew it. He would have killed her and fed from her!

Magister:
[displeased] Hello! Human! Irrelevant. Happens every day!

Bill Compton:
He was stealing from Eric.

Magister:
Sheriff?

Eric Northman:
Yes, Magister. It's true. Long Shadow was a thief and a liar. He was hurting my business.

Magister:
[considering] The business part, that is a serious offense.

Bill Compton:
And it was the human who exposed Long Shadow. Would you tell him, Eric?

Eric Northman:
The only reason the girl was there was because I called her.

Bill Compton:
To protect your wealth!

Eric Northman:
To protect my wealth, yes. Magister, she is... valuable.

Magister:
Humans exist to serve us. That is their only value.

Bill Compton:
There are those among us who think differently.

Magister:
[challenging] Do you question my authority? I am the magister. I was trained in the Inquisition and I am the adjudicator for every vampire territory in North America! As the humans say, the humans you love more than your own kind, back your sh*t down!

Eric Northman:
[warningly] Bill.

Magister:
Well, you haven't bored me. That works in your favor. And you seem to be obedient to your sheriff.

Eric Northman:
For the most part... When it matters, yes he is.

Magister:
The usual sentence is five years in a coffin, chained with silver. During which time your body will waste to leather and sticks. You'll probably go insane. However, I'm feeling a bit... creative.

Andy Bellefleur:
[to Sam] What's your story, Merlotte? Who's your people?

Andy Bellefleur:
Sam... where the hell did you come from?

Sam Merlotte:
I come from exactly the same place everybody else comes from, Andy.

Lafayette Reynolds:
[knocking Jason to the ground] I told you to keep your god damn mouth shut!

Jason Stackhouse:
Hey! This is my good shirt. And yeah, I kept my mouth shut.

Lafayette Reynolds:
My supplier, he gone! He f***in' missing and if other vampires find out that I been sellin', the same sh*t is gonna - you understand that - the same sh*t is gonna happen to me!

Jason Stackhouse:
[getting to his feet] You got nothin' to worry about.

Lafayette Reynolds:
I ain't gonna be next!

Magister:
[to Jessica] Meet your maker.

Bill Compton:
If you wanna torture anyone, torture me!

Jessica:
[crying to Bill before she is turned] I'm a good girl. Jesus will take me home to heaven.

Terry Bellefleur:
I'd ask you to dance, but I don't dance.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Thanks anyhow, Terry. Sometimes crowds make me feel guilty for not having fun like everyone else. And then I feel guilty for feeling guilty.

Terry Bellefleur:
Guilt is a useless emotion. Or so I've heard.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I just wish Bill was here.

Terry Bellefleur:
There some dead people I wish were still around, too.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[finding Sam naked at the foot of her bed] What the hell are you doing here?

Sam Merlotte:
Nothing. Sleeping.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Did you touch me?

Sam Merlotte:
Hell, no, I swear. Sookie, listen. Bill... Bill asked me to look after you while he was away.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Did he ask you to do it buck naked?

Sookie Stackhouse:
I hate to be morbid but you think she's got any fingerprints left?

Jason Stackhouse:
It's not necessary. Sometimes not being clever makes you a good detective. [Takes the girl's wallet, hands a card to Andy]

Andy Bellefleur:
This is a Starbucks card.

Arlene Fowler:
Y'all, I know I've had some pretty shitty luck and it probably ain't too reassuring to be in a situation this f***ed up with me at your side, but that is why you gotta believe me when I tell you that I did not survive four lousy husbands, a serial killer boyfriend, and the sorta suicide of my love Terry to die in the dingy basement of a f***ing vampire bar.

Franklin Mott:
Why you wicked little strumpet

Lorena Krasiki:
I may not be able to make you feel for me. But I will make you feel.

Bill Compton:
You have always so enjoyed making others suffer.

Lorena Krasiki:
And there's nothing wrong with that. Especially after having been made to suffer as I have been.

Bill Compton:
You haven't suffered at the hands of others for a very long time.

Lorena Krasiki:
I am suffering now!

[She cuts open his chest]

Bill Compton:
Please. Do it quickly.

[She cuts her finger and places it on his wound mixing their blood together]

Lorena Krasiki:
Even as you face the true death I will be inside you. Not Sookie. Me.

Bill Compton:
I wish I had known you before you were made. Before you turned hard. I would like to have seen you smile with light in your eyes instead of darkness. That, would have been something

[She starts to cry]

Lorena Krasiki:
I have no choice. William

Bill Compton:
You should go to ground.

Lorena Krasiki:
And not be with you when the light flows out of you? I cannot.

Bill Compton:
And what will you do then? Find another man that you deem honorable? So you can turn him into a violent hateful thing like yourself? Destroying whatever it was you loved about him to begin with?

Lorena Krasiki:
Yes. It's all my fault isn't it? You never enjoyed killing those humans, writhing naked in their blood. Making love to me as the light died in their eyes. Oh no. I forced you to do all that.

Bill Compton:
No, you did not.

Lorena Krasiki:
Be a man and admit you liked it.

Bill Compton:
Just as you liked enticing all those starving men with your flesh. Luring them into your maker's clutches so that he could murder them and defile their bodies in unspeakable ways as you watched!

Lorena Krasiki:
I am NOT Istvan!

Bill Compton:
Really? He made you his mirror just as you tried to make me yours. He is the reason that a girl, who once marveled in the beauty of all life, now delights in bringing pain and horror to every moment

Lorena Krasiki:
You never embraced our nature!

Bill Compton:
Your nature! It was never mine! I welcome death because only then will I be truly free of the disease that is you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
If you kill him, I will kill you!

Lorena Krasiki:
Oh please, please try - without that sanctimonious little prick Godric to save you, I would just love to rip you open and wear your ribcage as a hat.

Peach:
Aaaaand... what is your vegetable of the day?

Arlene Fowler:
That would be the peas.

Peach:
Hmm. And... how are those prepared?

Arlene Fowler:
Those are dumped out of a can into a big pot and heated up. I mean where do you think you are, lady, Red Lobster?

Peach:
Hey, I am paying good money to eat here. You wanna keep any of that cheap dyed hair, you better stop mouthing off to me.

Arlene Fowler:
[Sarcastically imitating Peach] And I want a freshly cut lemon in my ice tea, not some dried up thing that's been sitting around all day. [Her knife slips, and she cuts her finger] Dagnabbit, look what I just did! [Holds up finger with blood to Jessica] . Oh, I got lemon juice on it too. [Jessica's fangs appear - Arelene squeals, holds up her forefingers to show a cross to Jessica] .

Jessica Hamby:
No, sorry, Arlene, sometimes it just happens.

Arlene Fowler:
Please don't kill me, I'm pregnant. That probably just makes you want to eat me even more. [Walks out of the bar area with her finger-cross facing Jessica] This is why people hate y'all.

Jessica Hamby:
Well, I just haven eaten in days.

[Pam walks in and interrupts Eric and Sookie]

Eric Northman:
What?

Pam De Beaufort:
Blah blah vampire emergency, blah

Bill Compton:
Sookie. It is not your blood that I love. I love *you*. Your mind; your heart; your soul. And I will forswear ever feeding on you again if that's what it takes to convince you of that. You have brought light back into my life; and hope; and gratitude. That is why I love you. Nothing else.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[During Sookie's Dream] There's love in you.

Eric Northman:
Only for Sookie.

Bill Compton:
It doesn't matter if we ever meet again. You may be immortal, Lorena. But you are dead to me.

Lorena:
[tearfully before leaving] I wish you hadn't said that.

Bill Compton:
[searching inside the bombed home] Sookie! Sookie!

Sookie Stackhouse:
[on the floor, under Eric] Bill?

Eric Northman:
[weakly] I covered her. She's only stunned. Get the humans.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[gasping as she pushes Eric off of her] Can't breathe. You weigh a ton! [shouting] Jason? Jason! [seeing him not far and turning back to Eric] Uh oh!

Eric Northman:
[weakly, bleeding] Had to shield you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Well hurry up and heal yourself. What are you waiting for?

Eric Northman:
[gasping] Can't. Silver.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I'll get Godric.

Eric Northman:
No time... suck... it out. [silver bullets]

Sookie Stackhouse:
Eric, I can't. It's gross and... it's you.

Eric Northman:
Dying... [passes out]

Bill Compton:
[to Sookie as she helps Eric] What are you doing?

Sookie Stackhouse:
[spitting out a bullet] I sucked silver out of Eric's chest to save his life, even though I really didn't want to.

Eric Northman:
...She was superb.

Bill Compton:
Eric was in no danger.

Sookie Stackhouse:
W-what?

Eric Northman:
A tiny falsehood.

Bill Compton:
He was already healing. The bullets would've pushed themselves out. This way he's... forced you to drink his blood.

Sookie Stackhouse:
No! No! No! [getting to her feet]

Bill Compton:
You're connected. He'll be able to sense your emotions.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[to Eric] You big lying a-hole.

Eric Northman:
Bill, I think you're right. I think I can sense her emotions... sweet.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[to Eric] I'll never do anything for you again! Monster!

Bill Compton:
[to Sookie] It's not your fault.

Eric Northman:
I think I'm gonna cry.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[coming from the bathroom] I could kick myself. I'm so stupid! I wasn't thinkin'.

Bill Compton:
[about Eric] He did take bullets for you. At least we both came out alive.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I know better than to believe one word outta that man's mouth. I sucked his chest! What is wrong with me?

Bill Compton:
Eric has had a thousand years pratice at deceit... He lied to prove his power to me. He counted on your goodness. There's no shame in that.

Sookie Stackhouse:
But his blood, Bill. I tried to spit it all out. But some of it musta gone down.

Bill Compton:
It only takes a drop or two.

Sookie Stackhouse:
He'll always know where I am and how I feel. Always. That's worst of all.

Bill Compton:
No, not the worst.

Sookie Stackhouse:
What do you mean?

Bill Compton:
Don't be surprised if you... feel some... attraction to him. Sexual.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[detest] To Eric? That's impossible. I-I can't stand him.

Bill Compton:
It is possible. Another consequence of the blood. Woulda happened sooner or later. He was determined to form this bond with you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I could kill him.

Bill Compton:
I concur.

Jessica Hamby:
I'll get used to it. Maybe there's an operation. I can't be the only vampire virgin.

Hoyt Fortenberry:
You know, intercourse isn't the only way to have sex.

Jessica Hamby:
But I want to have intercourse.

Hoyt Fortenberry:
Well sure... We can do everything when we figure out how.

Jessica Hamby:
You should break up with me.

Hoyt Fortenberry:
Hell no. That thing that growns back, it's just a thing. I ain't perfect either. I'm the guy people laugh at.

Maryann Forrester:
[seeing Tara & Eggs all bruised] How much did you drink this time?

Tara Thornton:
Nothin', far as I recall.

Eggs:
Same for me. [rubbing his jaw]

Maryann Forrester:
Look at you. A few bumps and bruises? A small price to pay for bliss.

Tara Thornton:
I've never been this out of control before.

Maryann Forrester:
We need to be out of control. We crave it.

Jason Stackhouse:
[remorseful] Our whole family's gone. Everybody who counts. We're all alone. We're all that's left.

Sookie Stackhouse:
So you know what we gotta do. We gotta grow up. We gotta stick together and we gotta be good to each other or we're lettin' them down.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I didn't have any say about being normal. We're born the way were are.

Arlene Fowler:
[about Daphne] She was clumsy, stupid and mean. But I wouldn't wish that kinda death on a possum.

Arlene Fowler:
[crying to Terry] Please talk to me. I mean if what we did was so terrible...

Terry Bellefleur:
No, no! Arlene, don't cry. I didn't mean to be peculiar at you. I just don't know what we did.

Arlene Fowler:
We had sex. Didn't we?

Terry Bellefleur:
Did we?

Arlene Fowler:
You can't remember?

Terry Bellefleur:
Don't take this the wrong way, but... nope.

Arlene Fowler:
Oh, baby. Oh me neither. I didn't know for sure.

Terry Bellefleur:
Is that good?

Arlene Fowler:
I don't know and I don't care. As long as you're not mad at me.

Lafayette Reynolds:
[to Tara about Eggs] He's poison! He ain't never gonna change and he may wind up killing you!

Sam Merlotte:
[shouting to Bud] Got no evidence, Bud! Got no right to keep me locked up!

Tara Thornton:
[seeing Lafayette and Lettie Mae] Ah well. Looky here. Aliens.

Maryann Forrester:
Ooh. Who's that?

Tara Thornton, Eggs:
Lafayette.

Maryann Forrester:
Ooh. Lafayette, Ms. Thornton. Welcome, join us!

Lafayette Reynolds:
No. We're good.

Lettie Mae Thornton:
I'm takin' my daughter away from you.

Tara Thornton:
Is that right?

Lafayette Reynolds:
Yeah, that's right.

Lettie Mae Thornton:
[to Tara] Child, listen to me this one time for once in your life.

Maryann Forrester:
[as she, Tara and Eggs laugh] Don't be ridiculous. Take a load off. We're in the middle of a game.

Maryann Forrester:
[after Tara is taken] She'll come back. She'll bring them with her.

Nan Flanagan:
[to the vampires in attendence] Do you have any f***ing idea of the PR mess you've made? And who has to f***ing clean that up? Me, not you, Me. We should drain everyone of you bastards.

Eric Northman:
Stan went to the church on his own. None of us knew anything about it.

Nan Flanagan:
Oh really? Because everyone who met Stan in the last three-hundred years knew that he had a kink about slaughtering humans. But you, his nest-mates, his sherrif has no clue.

Isabel:
And how were we supposed to know that this time he meant it?

Nan Flanagan:
Not my problem. Yours.

[to Godric]

Eric Northman:
[seething] Don't talk to him like way.

Nan Flanagan:
[to Eric] Don't talk to me that way!

[to Godric]

Nan Flanagan:
Lets get to the point, sheriff. How'd they manage to abduct you?

Godric:
They would've taken one of us sooner or later. I offered myself.

Nan Flanagan:
Why?

Godric:
Why not?

Nan Flanagan:
[pinched] They wanted you to meet the sun and you were willing?

Godric:
What do you think?

Nan Flanagan:
I think you're out of you mind and than I hear about a traitor?

Godric:
Irrelevant. Only a rumor. I'll take full responsibility.

Nan Flanagan:
You bet your ass you will!

Maryann Forrester:
[to Merlotte's customers] The god who comes demands his sacrifice! Where is Sam Merlotte?

Arlene Fowler:
[tranced] He ain't been here all day.

Maryann Forrester:
Well, find him and bring him to me!

Sookie Stackhouse:
I'm going to find Godric.

Bill Compton:
None of this has anything to do with us. Godric is not your concern.

Sookie Stackhouse:
If it weren't for him I wouldn't be standing here. He's in pain. He's suffering. I gotta do something.

Bill Compton:
Don't you think we've done enough for Dallas?

Sookie Stackhouse:
You of all people should understand how he feels. What if it were you, Bill? What if in eighteen hundred years, you were Godric?

Eric Northman:
[running a finger down her arm, waking her as she turns to him] Finish your sentence.

Sookie Stackhouse:
What was I saying?

Eric Northman:
You were telling me why'd you be a terrible vampire and I was disagreeing.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Well I don't feel right without a tan. [as he laughs] It's true and I'd rather be alive than undead. Than ya'll are always killin'.

Eric Northman:
[knowingly] You've killed a man.

Sookie Stackhouse:
That was for self defense, not for lunch.

Eric Northman:
Shhh. Oh, you'd adapt. Like we all do. Trade the sun for the moon and stars.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Uh huh. Not me. I want 'em all.

Eric Northman:
[smiling] Ooh, greedy.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Yeah, I am.

Eric Northman:
I love it. [kisses her] You have the temperament for a vampire.

Sookie Stackhouse:
What? I'm high maintenance, blood thirsty, and old as dirt?

Eric Northman:
Ahh, blood thirsty, Yeah.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I am not.

Eric Northman:
Everyone thinks you're a darling, don't they.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I 'am' a darling.

Eric Northman:
You're ruthless because of the people you love. You'll do anything for them. [kissing her] Your brother, your friends... me.

Lorena:
[in the shadows] Bill.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[pulling away a bit] Bill? Where's Bill?

Lorena:
What do you care? You've already abandoned him.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I have not. I love Bill.

Eric Northman:
[pulling her back] I use to think you had no sense of humor.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I use to think you were made of cold, hard stone and empty inside.

Eric Northman:
And now?

Sookie Stackhouse:
[tender] You're a big faker. You're deep. You feel. There's love in you.

Eric Northman:
Only for Sookie.

[kissing her]

Lorena:
[to Sookie] You don't want Bill. He means nothing to you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[moving away] No.

Eric Northman:
[pulling her to him]... This is the beginning.

[kissing her passionately]

Godric:
[on the roof with Eric] Two thousand years is enough.

Eric Northman:
[unbelieving] I can't accept this. It's insanity!

Godric:
'Our' existance is insanity... we don't belong here.

Eric Northman:
But we 'are' here!

Godric:
It's not right. We're not right.

Eric Northman:
[stepping forward] You taught me there was no right or wrong. Only survival or death.

Godric:
I told a lie, as it turns out.

Eric Northman:
I will keep you alive by force!

Godric:
Even if you could, why would you be so cruel?

Eric Northman:
[begins crying blood, in very old Norway language] Godric, don't do it.

Godric:
[in very old Norway language] There are centuries of faith and love between us.

Eric Northman:
[crying; in very old Norway language] Please, please!... Please, Godric!

Godric:
[in very old Norway language] Father... brother... child...

[in English]

Godric:
Let me go.

Eric Northman:
[stops crying, breathing deep] I won't let you die alone.

Godric:
Yes, you will.

[Eric gets to his feet as Godric rests a hand on his shoulder]

Godric:
As your maker. I command you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[Eric walks to the stairs, she reaches for him and he turns to her] I'll stay with him. As long as it takes.

[Eric leaves]

Godric:
[about his burning] It won't take long. Not at my age.

Sookie Stackhouse:
You know it wasn't very smart... the Fellowship of Sun part.

Godric:
I know. I thought it would fix everything some how. But I don't think like a vampire anymore... Do you believe in God?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Yes.

Godric:
If you're right, how will he punish me?

Sookie Stackhouse:
God doesn't punish. God forgives.

Godric:
I don't deserve it, but I hope for it.

Sookie Stackhouse:
We all do.

Godric:
You will care for him? Eric.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I'm not sure. You know how he is.

Godric:
I can take the blame for that too.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[smiling softly] Maybe not. Eric's pretty much himself... Are you very afraid?

Godric:
[gleeful] No, no. I'm full of joy.

Sookie Stackhouse:
But the pain?

Godric:
I want to burn.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[starts crying] I-I'm afraid for you.

Godric:
[blissful] A human with me at the end and human tears. Two-thousand years... and I can still be surprised. In this I see God.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[watches as he turns towards the sun and removes his shirt, holding his arms wide]... Good-bye, Godric. [watching as he goes up in blue flames]

Godric:
I'm sorry. I apologize for all the harm I've caused, all our lost ones, human and vampire. I will make amends. I swear.

Nan Flanagan:
...Take it easy. It's just a few signatures.

Godric:
Do you believe in God?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Yes.

Godric:
If you're right, how will they punish me?

Sookie Stackhouse:
God doesn't punish, God forgives.

Godric:
I don't deserve it, but I hope for it.

Sookie Stackhouse:
We all do.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Are you very afraid?

Godric:
No. No, I'm filled with joy.

Sookie Stackhouse:
But the pain?

Godric:
I want to burn.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Well, I'm afraid for you. [Sookie begins to cry]

Godric:
A human with me at the end, and human tears. Two thousand years and I can still be surprised. In this, I see God.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Goodbye, Godric. [Godric walks toward the sun and burns away until there is nothing left]

Lafayette Reynolds:
[to Tara] What's wrong with you, Tara? Are you even in there?

Nan Flanagan:
This is a disaster.

Bill Compton:
What are you doin'?

Sookie Stackhouse:
I sucked silver out of Eric's chest and saved his life even though I *really* didn't want to.

Eric Northman:
She was superb.

Bill Compton:
...Eric was in no danger.

Sookie Stackhouse:
He... what?

Eric Northman:
A tiny falsehood.

Bill Compton:
He was already healing, the bullets would have pushed themselves out. This way he's forced you to drink his blood.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[shouts] No... No! No!

Bill Compton:
You're connected. He'll be able to sense your emotions.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[shouts at Eric] you big lying A-hole!

Eric Northman:
Bill, you're right, I believe I can sense her emotions.

Jason Stackhouse:
I'm a police officer and a werepanther! Back off!

[last lines]

Sookie Stackhouse:
You just killed my Faerie-Godmother!

Eric Northman:
Sorry.

Tara Thornton:
It's been a while since I've been attacked by a vampire, and guess what, it still sucks.

Eric Northman:
[to Sookie about the blood after killing the werewolf] I got your rug all wet.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Do you know anyone named Jackson? It's the only thing I could make out. Maybe that's the person he's working for.

Eric Northman:
Jackson's where he lives. He had a Mississippi accent... can't you people tell the difference?

Sookie Stackhouse:
He's from Jackson? Do you think that's where Bill is? Eric, we have to go like yesterday.

Eric Northman:
I can't. Not yet. The problems of the world consist of more than finding your missing boyfriend. You shouldn't go by yourself either. These werewolves are looking for you. You're no good to Bill or to me if you are dead.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[confused] How can you stand to sit around when we finally have a lead?

Eric Northman:
It'll be morning by the time you get to Jackson. If you're planning on rescuing a missing vampire during daylight, I have seriously over-estimated your intelligence. Please take the day to think it over.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Fine. I'll leave tomorrow. I have to go. Bill would do it for me. I don't expect you to understand.

Eric Northman:
...I understand very well.

Sookie Stackhouse:
If I do get into some kind of trouble, you'll feel it right?... How fast can you get to Mississippi?

Eric Northman:
Probably not fast enough. Stay out of trouble, Ms. Stackhouse. You'll do us both a favor. [leaves at vampiric spead]

Tara Thornton:
I said you could bite me.

Franklin Mott:
No.

Tara Thornton:
Why not?

Franklin Mott:
Because you want me to.

Sam Merlotte:
I don't appreciate you trying to get me killed.

Tommy Mickens:
I don't appreciate you comin' into my house like you belong here... I figured since we're related you could keep up.

Joe Lee Mickens:
Don't ever get married, Sam. The second you do, that's when they start to 'woman' you!

[last lines]

Lorena Krasiki:
Most impressive. You won the trust of Russell Edgington himself. A bravura performance.

Bill Compton:
I don't care what you believe. My only loyalty is to my king.

Lorena Krasiki:
Your only loyalty is to your own sentiment. It's your great failing. A century ago it was to your human wife, now some ridiculous waitress. You'll say anything to save her.

Bill Compton:
We can never love humans without bringing suffering upon them. You taught me that. And I will never forgive you for it.

Lorena Krasiki:
It's an essential truth. One you refuse to face, because you've clung to the illusion of humanity.

Bill Compton:
[grabs her by the neck] You are right! Is that what you wish to hear? You proved it to me once, and now I've learned it again! You have won. You've deprived me of my freedom. My home. My humanity. But I will never, ever love you.

Bill Compton:
[Lorena kisses him, he throws her on the bed] Never!

Lorena Krasiki:
Yes! Make love to me!

Bill Compton:
Never! I will never!

Lorena Krasiki:
[Bill rips her clothes off and has sex with her, then twists her head around a full 180 degrees] Oh William, I still love you.

Jason Stackhouse:
Tonight, the universe showed me my destiny. For me, that's to protect and serve the citizens of Renard Parrish. Police work ain't just about tacklin' people. There's marksmanship, para-military training... I got all that now. Let's face it. Would you feel safe with me patrolin' the streets or Andy Bellefleur?

Caroline Compton:
[opening the door with a gun trained] Who's there?... Good god in heaven.

Bill Compton:
[coming out of the shadows] Caroline, my dearest.

Caroline Compton:
The war ended three years ago... I was sure you had parrished.

Bill Compton:
I'm home now. [embracing her]

Pam De Beaufort:
[answering the phone] Fantasia. This better be good.

Jessica Hamby:
[into the phone] Oh hi, Pam. It's Jessica Hamby. We talked yesterday. I'm the one...

Pam De Beaufort:
[cutting in] I remember you perfectly. What is it?

Jessica Hamby:
I really, desperately need your help. I don't where Bill is and gosh, you're like the only other vampire I know.

Pam De Beaufort:
Spit it out, cupcake. I'm in the middle of something.

Jessica Hamby:
[stammering] Right, um... remember how I was asking how you would, you know... what you would do if you... if you like kill somebody by accident.

Pam De Beaufort:
Did you call the hypothetical hardware store and buy a hypothetical chainsaw?

Jessica Hamby:
Yes and that's just the problem. I went to get the chainsaw and now he's gone!

Pam De Beaufort:
What?

Jessica Hamby:
I left for like 15 minutes and he just disappeared.

Pam De Beaufort:
So the problem you have is that there is no dead body in your house?

Jessica Hamby:
Uh... yeah.

Pam De Beaufort:
Doesn't sound like a problem to me. Gotta run.

[Pam hangs up and turns to a semi-nude Yvetta sitting on her desk]

Pam De Beaufort:
Babies, they're all the same. Now, where were we? Oh, right. Just lie back sweetheart, and think of Estonia.

Talbot:
[sniffing at Tara] Mm, spicy. Who's a pretty girl? Huh? You're a pretty girl. You're pretty. Yes, you are.

Franklin Mott:
Piss off.

Talbot:
[snippish] I know it's not too good to be all matchy-matchy, but you and your... Dusky little blood-beast are totally at odds with my decor. Your...

Franklin Mott:
Well, nobody cares what you think about about anything. Shut up.

Tara Thornton:
[near tears] I'm awful sorry.

Franklin Mott:
No, you're not.

Talbot:
Oh, good girl.

Franklin Mott:
Just ignore him. He's the cleaning lady.

Russell Edgington:
As always, the deposit will go to your trust account.

Franklin Mott:
But I want cash.

Russell Edgington:
Last time you had any real money you ended up at the slots in Biloxi, slaughtering a group of elderly women.

Franklin Mott:
[almost pouting] They wouldn't let me have a turn.

Russell Edgington:
Why are you dragging another girl around? So sloppy. I'm tired of cleaning up after you.

Franklin Mott:
This one is spectacularly different.

Russell Edgington:
[not really convinced] Hmmm.

Franklin Mott:
She's such a f***ing disaster. We could be twins. The attraction is eeeelectric!

Russell Edgington:
Mr. Compton has accepted a position in my court and therefore keeps nothing from me.

Eric Northman:
Oh... You're here of your own accord. Which means...

Bill Compton:
Sookie is no longer mine.

Eric Northman:
Oh.

Russell Edgington:
A king in front of them, a queen behind them, and they're talking about a human girl.

Talbot:
[tsking] Men.

Eric Northman:
Your Majesty... I confess. I sold the blood at my queen's command and accused Bill to protect her. So, what do I do now? Unless I give the Magister Compton, he'll murder my progeny.

Talbot:
Darling, so sad.

Debbie Pelt:
[angry] We'd still be together if you weren't so weak!

Alcide Herveaux:
Keep it down.

Debbie Pelt:
Don't tell me to keep it down! Because I don't give a sh*t about the neighbors! I'm here to save your f***ing life.

Alcide Herveaux:
Liar! You're a drug addict. You sold your soul to a vampire. I saw you.

Debbie Pelt:
He's more than a vamp. Oh, you ignorant redneck. If he knew what you saw...

Terry Bellefleur:
I'm moving in with Arlene Fowler.

Sam Merlotte:
[as Terry higs him] Ha! Congratulations. You're cracking my ribs, buddy. Hey, hey. Hey, now, it's gonna be okay. I mean, sure, it's scary. She's a little crazy, but so are... Is everybody, you know? Don't worry.

Terry Bellefleur:
I ain't worried. I've never been so not worried. This is what normal people do, Sam. They fall in love. They make each other laugh. And they move in together. They raise kids. They fight over money. They get old and fat together, and it's normal. And it's happening to me. I can't believe it.

Sam Merlotte:
Well, I can. Nobody deserves it more,

Arlene Fowler:
Baby? I don't feel too good today, okay? I ain't cleaned nothing, I ain't cleared nothing out.

Terry Bellefleur:
I'm the luckiest man in the world.

Alcide Herveaux:
This is Were business. It's against all out laws to tell you anything.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I've been listening to dark, private thoughts since I was a little girl. Keeping secrets is how I survive, Alcide.

Alcide Herveaux:
No!

Sookie Stackhouse:
Than I'll have to dig it out of your head and I really don't like to do that.

Alcide Herveaux:
Pack isn't a democracy. Most Weres don't have much sense. You saw. They're all teeth and fight and sex. Packmaster's our Alpha. He makes the big decisions, keeps the rest of us in line.

Sookie Stackhouse:
How much does your pack master know about last night?

Alcide Herveaux:
That's what I have to find out. Then he'll tell us what we have to do.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I'm coming along.

Alcide Herveaux:
I am not breaking any more rules for you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Then you might as well invite Debbie over to tear me up, 'cause that's what she's gonna try to do. Work with me, Alcide. It gets easier.

Lorena Krasiki:
[to Tara, about Bill] You know him?

Tara Thornton:
I thought I did.

Bill Compton:
[to Russell, about Tara] Why is she here?

Russell Edgington:
[to Franklin, bout Tara] Why is she here?

Franklin Mott:
She wants to be with me.

Talbot:
Hence the restraints.

Franklin Mott:
She's mine.

Lorena Krasiki:
Relax. Nobody wants her.

Eric Northman:
I humbly request permission to hunt your territory for the vampire missing from my area.

Talbot:
I appreciate your courtesy, Eric. It's very old world

Eric Northman:
Nobody has manners anymore. It was all so beautiful once.

Talbot:
Your fugitive, what's his name again?

Eric Northman:
Bill Compton. I'm responsible for him, and, uh, I'm ashamed to admit it, but he's wanted for selling vampire blood.

Talbot:
You're not supposed to bring work home.

Russell Edgington:
[chiding] Darling... king.

Tara Thornton:
[to Bill] What is going on here? What's wrong with you?

Lorena Krasiki:
Yes, Bill. Your behavior is somewhat erratic.

Russell Edgington:
Bill Compton is lying to me.

Franklin Mott:
Yes, sir?

Russell Edgington:
[holding a file] Who keeps a dossier on his human? Why would he care about her family tree? Sophie Anne's overstated perfume is all over this.

Franklin Mott:
That's what I thought.

Russell Edgington:
She's already escaped us once, this barmaid.

Franklin Mott:
Send a wolf, what'd you expect?

Russell Edgington:
Maybe I should send you back to Bon Temps to acquire Sookie Stackhouse.

Franklin Mott:
I don't have to go anywhere. She's in Jackson.

Lorena Krasiki:
[as they walk down the hall] I'll let you play your little game of hard to get. You're gonna be that much sweeter when you're mine again.

Bill Compton:
[disgusted] You know, Russell was right. You're not very smart. You played yourself into a corner, you tiresome cow. [resoundingly shuts a door in her face]

Sookie Stackhouse:
What happened back there? Why were they all shifting? You almost shifted!

Alcide Herveaux:
[driving erratically] Couldn't help it. When that energy starts rolling, it takes you over. We're lucky we got out of there alive.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I know it was terrible...

Alcide Herveaux:
[snapping] You don't know anything!

Sookie Stackhouse:
If you don't slow down, you're gonna kill us. And I am not gonna die because of your shitty girlfriend and a Mississippi pothole!

Sookie Stackhouse:
Tell me more about Russeel Edgington.

Alcide Herveaux:
He's just some rich vampire. That's all I knew until tonight.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I gotta talk to him.

Alcide Herveaux:
Are you out of your f***ing mind?

Sookie Stackhouse:
The brand, the blood, the vampire. He knows where Bill is, or he knows who knows.

Alcide Herveaux:
I promised Eric I'd keep you out of trouble. You ain't going near him, Sookie.

Russell Edgington:
[annoyed] The Magister is a nasty little... anachronistic toad. A ridiculous remnant of the Middle Ages. The only power he has over us is the power we give him. There may be a way to solve all our problems.

Debbie Pelt:
I'm warning you... If anybody finds out what went on at Lou Pine's... [as Sookie walks in] That's your neighbor? Oh, hell no!

Alcide Herveaux:
She's got nothing to do with this.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[to Debbie] I'm still strong enough to throw you out, blood or no blood.

Alcide Herveaux:
[to Debbie] No, I'm not sleeping with him. But you traded this good person who loves you for a shot of V, that burn on your back, and a dumb biker who's half the man and half the wolf that Alcide is.

Franklin Mott:
[as Tara comes in, dressed in white] Do you like your new gown?

Tara Thornton:
[shaking] Oh, yes.

Franklin Mott:
I picked it out especially for my lover.

Tara Thornton:
Thank you so much.

Franklin Mott:
Even when I'm away from you, I can feel your flesh molded to me. That's how close we are now.

Tara Thornton:
That's really sweet.

Jason Stackhouse:
[to Andy] Morning, boss. I'm ready for my first day.

Deputy Kevin Ellis:
I guess this means you find my performance inadequate.

Andy Bellefleur:
[glaring] I will if you don't get out there to the corner and cross them little kids to school.

Deputy Kenya Jones:
What's going on, Andy? Why does Jason Stackhouse need a desk in the Sheriff's Department?

Andy Bellefleur:
Nobody else is using it. What do you care? Why don't you run those folders in the conference room over to the courthouse? Please, Deputy Jones.

Jason Stackhouse:
I can't work a desk no more, Andy. It's sucking the life out of me. I need a cold case. I need a special assignment. I need some f***ing thing to do right f***ing now or I'll blow up like a M80 and take this whole place with me.

Eric Northman:
You have no connections in the were community. They're not going to answer your questions, because they don't even want you to know they exist.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Bill's out there somewhere, in danger. I can't just go with life like that's not happening. You know that. Maybe better than anyone When Godric went mi...

Eric Northman:
[Eric cuts her off] Bill Compton is no Godric.

Sookie Stackhouse:
But he's everything... to me [Sookie sniffs]

Eric Northman:
Please don't do that. It makes me feel... disturbingly human.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Speaking of which, you heard about the...

Sam Merlotte:
Mmm? Yeah! Jesus Christ - and Andy shot him?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Welcome back huh?

Sam Merlotte:
Good thing this town doesn't have many other bar options.

Cooter:
Johnson's my best goddam man.

Talbot:
They're all dumber than a box of rocks.

Cooter:
Sir, that's unfair.

Talbot:
To boxes... maybe... or rocks...

Russell Edgington:
Talbot, dear, we forgot to offer Cooter refreshment. Could you?

Talbot:
Of course. [Gets up off the couch, looks at Cooter] Zima, correct?

Terry Bellefleur:
Spit it out, baby, you're breaking up with me.

Arlene Fowler:
NO! No, it's not, it's not...

Terry Bellefleur:
[Concluding her sentence] Not you, it's me... If I had a nickel for every time I... I'd have fifteen cents.

Franklin Mott:
Good evening, miss, are you home alone, tonight?

Jessica Hamby:
Listen buddy, I don't know what you have in mind, but you are messing with the wrong girl. [Extends her fangs. He extends his own fangs, then walks in] Vampires can't enter a home without an invitation.

Franklin Mott:
Human home - and the last human owner of this house died a year ago.

Jessica Hamby:
F***! How come nobody tells me any of this?

Pam De Beaufort:
Your God and my God can get a hotel room and have a circle jerk for all I care - I'll be in hell, having a three way with the devil.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Another first.

Bill Compton:
How do you mean?

Sookie Stackhouse:
We've never had 'make up' sex before.

Bill Compton:
How does it compare to 'you thought I was dead' sex?

Sookie Stackhouse:
That was pretty great too, but I wouldn't want to go through that again. I hated feeling like I'd lost you.

Bill Compton:
Yet, you like fightin' me.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I don't like too. I just...

Bill Compton:
Let's not get too used to it then. We don't want to be one of 'those' couples.

Sookie Stackhouse:
You're right... holy f. I am so embarrassed, I could die.

Bill Compton:
What is it?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Jessica. I completely forgot she was here. Do you think she heard us?

Bill Compton:
No! If she had, she'd had no compunction about letting us know it.

Sookie Stackhouse:
You know you might wanna try going a little easier on her. It's hard enough being a teenager without...

Bill Compton:
She is a vampire, Sookie!

Sookie Stackhouse:
So are you. Yet parts of your former self are still in there. I wouldn't be with you if they weren't.

Bill Compton:
Yes... I've had to work extremely hard at finding my way back to my humanity. When a vampire is as new as Jessica is, she has no humanity. She is in the grips of an overwhelming transformations, there will be times when she cannot control even a single impulse... and believe me she 'has' many.

Sookie Stackhouse:
How is that any different from being a teenage girl? No humanity, check. In the grips of overwhelming transformations, check. Cannot control impulses, check. Alright, uh... how is that different?

Bill Compton:
Alright. So what do you suggest I do? Just spoil the girl? Give into her every whim and desire? After all that is what every teenage girl wants, isn't it?

Sookie Stackhouse:
You don't have to be sarcastic with me, Bill Compton. And should you at least think about what I'm sayin', if no other reason that what you're doing right now isn't working out so hot.

Bill Compton:
Hmmm.

Sookie Stackhouse:
How ironic. We promised each other we weren't gonna fight anymore, yet here we are.

Bill Compton:
This isn't a fight.

Sookie Stackhouse:
...Yes it is.

Bill Compton:
Well then. Prepare to be made up to.

Pam:
I thought prostitutes were good at keeping secrets.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Oh, don't get it twisted honeycone. I'm a survivor first, capitalist second and a whole bunch of sh*t after that. But a hooker dead last! So if I've got even a Jew at an Al Qaida pep rally's shot at getting my black ass up out of this motherf***er I'm taking it!

Tara Thornton:
[to Sookie] How many times do I have to tell you comin' into work when you don't have to is pathetic. It's like goin' back to high school and visitin' your teachers.

Tara Thornton:
[learning about Jessica] So basically you're like a step-mother to a vampire?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Okay, you did not just call me that.

Ginger:
[pointing a gun at him] Who the f*** are you?

Lafayette Reynolds:
It's day time! Thank you Jesus! Thank you god! You're human, right?

Ginger:
Kinda! But I ain't lettin' you go, if that's what you're thinking!

Jessica Hamby:
[coming from the back, to Sookie] I just saw my parents on TV!

Sookie Stackhouse:
Oh no, I'm sorry.

Jessica Hamby:
I finally get why they never wanted me to watch in it the first place. It's horrible.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Umm, where's Bill?

Jessica Hamby:
I have no idea. All he told me was, 'Jessica, I have errands to run. Errands which do not require you presence. So remain here and do you best to stay out of trouble while I'm gone.' I hate it here! I hate it so much!

Sookie Stackhouse:
Jessica?

Jessica Hamby:
Damn. I miss them. [her family]

Sookie Stackhouse:
Your parents?

Jessica Hamby:
My little sister, who I always was totally horrible to and... I'm just such a brat. [crying tears of blood] What's wrong with me?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Sweetie, vampires don't cry regular tears. So when you cry, you're gonna cry blood from now on.

Jessica Hamby:
Why do you know this and I don't? Don't you think I should know this about myself?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Bill probably should have told you.

Jessica Hamby:
Geez, ya think?

Eric Northman:
The sheriff of Area 9 in Texas has gone missing. Have you heard about it?

Bill Compton:
I hadn't. But I know the vampire of whom you speak. His name is Godric. Correct?

Eric Northman:
Indeed. That goes without saying he needs to be found. Which is where Sookie comes in.

Bill Compton:
No!

Eric Northman:
She's yours and I'm asking your permission to take her with me to Dallas.

Bill Compton:
You you can do whatever you want with me but I am not putting her in this position anymore. I cannot and I will not allow you to bring her into these matters.

Eric Northman:
We made a deal, your human and I. That if I didn't kill anyone she would work for me as often as I like. You remember that don't you? You were there.

Bill Compton:
Taking her across state lines is a far cry from taking her to Fangtasia for the evening!

Eric Northman:
I'm only asking your permission out of respect. If I want her I can simply take her... Is no your final answer?

Bill Compton:
It is.

Eric Northman:
Poorly played, Bill.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[starts to cry] Jessica... I'm sorry.

Jessica Hamby:
Now, why are you crying?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Because I did this to you. If Bill hadn't... I took your life away and I know there's no way you'll ever be able to forgive me. It's not even right to ask. But I had no idea it was gonna lead to this.

Jessica Hamby:
I don't blame you, Sookie.

Sookie Stackhouse:
How's that even possible?

Eggs:
[to Tara] I got something to say and I want you to hear me out.

Maryann:
Detective Bellefleur, you come dance with me.

Detective Andy Bellefleur:
I don't dance.

Maryann:
With me, you do. Come on, come on!

Maryann:
[to Sam in dog-form] Abracadabra, Sam. What I just did to you, I can do anytime, anywhere. So unless you want your customers to know your little secret, you better thick twice before you threaten me ever again. Do we understand each other?

Sookie Stackhouse:
[in Jessica's house] I don't normally curse. But you have seriously f***ed me here!

Jessica Hamby:
Hey, I know and I'm sorry. But I swear it was like it wasn't even me doing it. It must be all those new vampire impulse control issues.

Sookie Stackhouse:
F*** your impulse control issues!

Sookie Stackhouse:
You're very pretty.

Eden:
No, I'm not. Gotta problem with the hair.

Eric Northman:
You are aware there's a gaping hole in your leg? You're damaged goods.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Not if you turn me. I'd be good as ever. Look I'm already a person of poor moral character. So, I hit the ground running and I damn near glamor people already. Gimme what ya'll got. Not only will I be a badass vampire, but I'd be your badass vampire.

Jessica Hamby:
[to her father before she chokes him] Don't worry. This will only hurt for a minute.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[after he breaks down the door] Bill!

Bill Compton:
Jessica let him go!

Jessica Hamby:
But?

Bill Compton:
As your maker I command you!

Sookie Stackhouse:
Thank god you're here.

Bill Compton:
Shut up!

Sookie Stackhouse:
I'm sorry!

Bill Compton:
Get the hell outta here!

Sookie Stackhouse:
Bill?

Bill Compton:
[pushing her out the front door] Now, so I can clean up your mess!

Sookie Stackhouse:
[about Jessica's parents] Please don't kill them!

Bill Compton:
This is all your fault! Now get the hell out of here!

Lafayette Reynolds:
I gave you everything.

Eric Northman:
You gave me nothing.

Tara Thornton:
You smell nasty and nice all at the same time. When I was going to sleep last night, I realized I don't know much about you.

Sarah Newlin:
Keep in mind that your ring is made out of pure silver. Protect it with your heart because one day it might protect you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Tara Thornton, would you like to move in with me?

Eric Northman:
So, what's it gonna be Lafayette? Would you like your leg to kill you? Or would you prefer us to do that?

Lafayette Reynolds:
I'm gonna go with plan C.

Eric Northman:
There's a plan C?

Lafayette Reynolds:
Make me a vampire.

Eric Northman:
I beg your pardon.

Lafayette Reynolds:
And you can put me to work in the bar. I'm a good dancer, you've seen it on my site. Sh*t, I'd get up there and move earth and heaven Go-Go style.

Eric Northman:
You are aware that there's a gaping whole in your leg. You're damaged goods.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Not if you turn me. I'd be as good as heaven. Look... I... I'm already a person of poor moral character... so I hit the ground running.

Eric Northman:
If you have any silver on you now would be the time to reveal it.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Now way! I ain't that stupid!

Eric Northman:
Yes, you are.

[swiping his mouth, looking at his hand]

Eric Northman:
Is there blood in my hair?

Lafayette Reynolds:
What?

Eric Northman:
Is there blood in my hair?

Lafayette Reynolds:
I... I don't know. I can't see in this light.

Eric Northman:
[goes over quickly] How about now?

Lafayette Reynolds:
[shaking] Y... yeah t... there's a little bit of blood in there, yeah.

Eric Northman:
This is bad. Pam is going to kill me.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Who the f*** is Pam?

Eric Northman:
Do you want to meet her?

Lafayette Reynolds:
No. No, I'm good.

Eric Northman:
We'll you're going to.

[takes the chain from the collar]

Lafayette Reynolds:
Where you taking me?

Eric Northman:
To find out what you know. I wouldn't try anything rash if I were you. I'm still hungry.

Pam:
[looking at Eric's hair] This is a disaster. We'll have to go much shorter than I planned.

Eric Northman:
Well I said I was sorry, Pam. He took silver to me.

[to Lafayette]

Eric Northman:
You were there, you saw it. Defend me.

Lafayette Reynolds:
I don't know what it is you want to know, but point me in the direction and I gives to you.

Eric Northman:
I've seen your website, it's quite, umm... low rent. But your clients miss you, Lafayette, they're wondering if you're ever coming back.

Lafayette Reynolds:
[nervous] Am I?

Sookie Stackhouse:
First of all, I've seen enough horror movies to know you don't split up when you're in a big, scary asylum and there's a crazed killer on the loose. Second, I think it's fair to say my microwave fingers and the sun are about the only things around here that seem to have any effect on Russell. So the way I see it, it's me protecting you from him instead of the other way around. Third, I got a headache and I gotta pee something fierce so I'd just as soon get this over with.

Nan Flanagan:
There have been times, I'll admit, where it's occurred to me that maybe I should put my career on hold and become a maker. But these last few hours here with you have erased those doubts forever.

Sarah Newlin:
What'll become of your soul, Jason?

Jason Stackhouse:
I don't know. But at least I got one.

Eric Northman:
You forgot to ask me something. During our sessions, there was something you forgot to ask me. You should've asked me how you were going to die, so you could've prepared yourself, mentally.

Eric Northman:
You're free. Go forth and kill the humans.

Ginger:
Well, if it isn't my knight in shining armor.

Siren #1:
Your time on earth is through, Bill Compton.

Bill Compton:
I am not going anywhere.

Ginger:
I have been your sex slave for 15 years, Eric Northman, and we ain't never had sex, blowj*b, handjob, nothin'. Do you know what a sex slave is without the sex?

Pam De Beaufort:
A slave.

Pam De Beaufort:
[Looking at herself in the mirror] I look like a Republicunt!

Bill Compton:
Vampires have often found it advantageous to maintain a hidden presence in humanity's most powerful institutions and in the 1600's, that was the Catholic Church and today, as you all know, it's Google and Fox News.

Bill Compton:
I have no heart-beat. I have no need to breathe. There are no electrical impulses in my body. What animates you no longer animates me.

Sookie Stackhouse:
What does animate you then? Blood? How do you digest it if nothing works?

Bill Compton:
Magic?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Oh, come on Bill! I may look naive but I'm not, and you-you need to remember that.

Bill Compton:
You think that it's not magic that keeps you alive? Just 'cause you understand the mechanics of how something works, doesn't make it any less of a miracle... which is just another word for magic. We're all kept alive by magic, Sookie. My magic's just a little different from yours, that's all.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Wait a minute, you slept with Sam?

Tara Thornton:
You know what? He barks in his sleep.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Oh damn, white folk just all f***ed up.

Tara Thornton:
Yeah, that's what I said.

Jason:
...You're wearing gold pants.

Malcolm:
[to Sookie] Maybe you oughtta come on inside.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Are you trying to glamor me?

Malcolm:
[taken aback that she noticed] Yes.

Sookie Stackhouse:
That doesn't work on me.

Liam:
Why not?

Sookie Stackhouse:
I don't know, it just doesn't. Is Bill available?

Bill Compton:
[from inside the house] Let her in... Diane, let her in.

Diane:
Oh, f*** him.

Malcolm:
[backing away] You have.

Jerry:
[in his thoughts] Stick 'em in already. Get infected you f***in' vampire a**hole. Come on, do it! Let's see how you like hep D. Yeah, f***ers, you won't be able to move for like a year.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Stop! He has hep D!

Bill Compton:
[after Malcolm and his gang have left] I'm sorry you had to witness that. Your visit was unexpected.

Sookie Stackhouse:
What's hep D?

Bill Compton:
Hepatitis D is the only blood born pathogen to which we are subseptible. Malcolm must be furious.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Hepatitis?

Bill Compton:
A mutation. Relatively harmless to humans, oddly enough.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I've never even heard of it?

Bill Compton:
That's because we've kept it out of the media.

Sookie Stackhouse:
And it makes you sick for a year?

Bill Compton:
No. Just makes us weak for about a month or so. The biggest danger to us from hep D is being captured and staked during that time.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Yeah. You don't want your weaknesses to be public knowledge.

Bill Compton:
Precisely.

Sookie Stackhouse:
And what the hell did you mean, "Sookie is mine"?

Bill Compton:
I was communicating to the others that you were my human and therefore I was the only one who can feed on you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[furious] You most certainly can not feed on me!

Bill Compton:
Well of course I can't, Sookie. But had they known that, they'd have considered you fair game. And I wouldn't have been able to stop them from attacking you. It would be three against one. And Malcolm is much older than I am and quite strong.

Sookie Stackhouse:
And... you and Diane dated?

Bill Compton:
We had sex once, just after she was made vampire back in the late 1930's.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[sickened] What? Gross. Bill, she so- Th-they're all so mean, so...

Bill Compton:
Evil. Yes, they are. They share a nest and when vampires live in nests, they become more cruel, more vicious. They become laws unto themselves. Whereas vampires such as I, who live alone are much more likely to hang on to some semblance of our former humanity.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[just getting home and seeing him suddenly] God damn it Bill! How many times do I have to tell you do not do that!

Bill Compton:
I'm sorry. It wasn't intentional. I just got here. I wanted to make sure that you were safe.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[listening to his mind and hearing nothing] Why can't I hear your thoughts? Do you even have any thoughts?

Bill Compton:
Oh, I have thoughts. Many life times of thoughts.

Sookie Stackhouse:
So why can't I hear them?

Bill Compton:
I don't know. Perhaps it's 'cause I don't have brain waves.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Why not?

Bill Compton:
Because I'm dead.

Sookie Stackhouse:
No, you're not! You're standing here, talking to me.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I think we need to stop seeing each other.

Bill Compton:
Why?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Because you don't breathe. You don't have any electrical what ever it is. Your friends would like nothing more than to rip my throat out and because vampires killed that precher from the Fellowship of the Sun church and his wife and baby! You look me in the eye and tell me they didn't do it?

Bill Compton:
Humans have killed millions upon millions in senseless wars. I do not hold you responsbile for that.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Bill, night before last I had to bury my bloody clothes becuase I didn't want my grandmother to find out I was almost killed and tonight I was almost killed again! Why on earth would I continue seeing you?

Bill Compton:
[very serious] Because you will never find a human man you can be yourself with.

Tara Thornton:
[to Sam] So maybe you and I should sleep together.

Jason:
I hate that you been with vampires.

Dawn Green:
And how exactly is that any of your business?

Malcolm:
[letting Bill in] Well look. It's everyone's favorite buzz kill.

Diane:
Hey baby.

Liam:
Yo mister mainstream. Thirsty? [offers him blood]

Bill Compton:
No.

Diane:
Hungry for something else? I remember you having a very sizable... appetite.

Bill Compton:
The three of you will stay away from me and Sookie from now on.

Malcolm:
I'm your elder. You have no authority here.

Bill Compton:
There are higher authorities.

Malcolm:
I'm not afraid of Eric.

Bill Compton:
Higher than him.

Malcolm:
When then she can speak to me.

Diane:
She can suck on sunlight for all I care.

Bill Compton:
You know, you are doing nothing to help our cause.

Diane:
Not everyone wants to dress up and play human, Bill.

Liam:
Yeah, not everybody wants to live off that Japanese sh*t they call blood, either. As if we could.

Bill Compton:
We have to moderate our behavior now that we are out in the open.

Malcolm:
Not everybody thinks it was such a great idea and not everybody intends to toe the party line.

Bill Compton:
[seeing Jenella's bloody body] You know, y'all make me sick.

Diane:
You used to be fun. This all on a count of that little breather?

Bill Compton:
If you insist on flaunting your ways in front of mortals, there will be consequences.

Tara Thornton:
[to her mother, after being hit with a bottle] Alright. You may have carried me and nursed me, but obviously you are now set on killing me. And if I'm forced to choose between you and me, guess what? You lose!

Tara Thornton:
[after his guest leaves] What the hell was that?

Lafayette Reynolds:
That was a state senator.

Tara Thornton:
You're a prostitute now?

Lafayette Reynolds:
I'm an entrepreneur.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Hey, Gran. Do you think I should continue seeing Bill?

Adele 'Gran' Stackhouse:
Sookie, can't tell you that. I can tell you that I think he is a smart, handsome, and very polite young man. But, of course, he's gonna show his best side to me so that I won't stand in the way of his courtin' you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
He scares me.

Adele 'Gran' Stackhouse:
Well, it is scary openin' your heart up to somebody.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Well, hello hotness.

Lafayette Reynolds:
[to Jason] Viagra is legal. You can buy it in the drug store.

Jason:
[seeing the vampire blood] When'd you start dealin' V?

Lafayette Reynolds:
When I realized there was a market for it.

Lafayette Reynolds:
[as Jason prepares to dance] You know how much you can make if you had your own website?

Bill Compton:
[in her dream] Sookie, don't ever sneak up on a vampire. What are you doing here?

Sookie Stackhouse:
All right, here's the deal. And this is a little embarrassin'. I've never been with a man intimately, for all the reasons I told you about. But, I feel things when I'm with you that make me think and I know this could be a huge mistake, one I will regret forever, but it feels like you're the one that I'm supposed to, you know, do it with. And I'm really nervous about that. And frankly I'm scared to death of you. So can we just get it out of the way already so I can relax and get a good night's sleep? [he draws close to kiss her] J-just don't bite me, Okay?

Diane:
[about Sookie] Where'd you find this?

Liam:
[sniffing] Man! She smells f***in' sweet!

Malcolm:
And to think just five minutes ago you were telling us how you were living mainly on synthenic blood. You big poser.

Diane:
I don't know, Malcolm. She looks like a virgin to me.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[snapping] That's none of your damn business, you nosey b*tch!

Diane:
It is my business cupcake! And you wanna know why? 'Cause virgin blood is the best tasting blood there is. Well, second best. The best would be...

Liam:
Baby's blood.

Diane:
[laughing] Yeah.

Liam:
[grabbing Sookie to him] I get hard just thinking about it.

[turning her head back]

Liam:
Ladies first.

Bill Compton:
[getting to his feet] Stop! Sookie is mine!

Tara Thornton:
Can I ask you a personal question?

Sam Merlotte:
Hold on. [takes a drink] All right.

Tara Thornton:
Are you lonely?

Sam Merlotte:
Yes, I am. I am very, very lonely.

Tara Thornton:
[after confessing about sleeping with Sam] Y'know what? He barks in his sleep.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Oh damn. White folk get all f***ed up.

[Loud knock on Lafayette's door]

Lafayette Reynolds:
Hold on, God Damnit! Sh*t! What the damn f***, huh?

[Lafayette opens the door and realizes that it's Jason Stackhouse]

Lafayette Reynolds:
Why, hello, hotness!

Jason:
Lafayette, I need your help.

Lafayette Reynolds:
I am so glad you are recognizing that truth.

Jason:
Ha. You're wearing gold pants.

Tara Thornton:
Did he bite you?

Sookie Stackhouse:
NO!

Tara Thornton:
Are you sure, because you know they can hypnotize you?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Yeah, and black people are lazy and Jews have horns.

Bill Compton:
[to Sookie] We're all kept alive by magic, Sookie. My magic's just a little different from yours, that's all.

Warrior 1:
[in old Swedish to a dying Eric, on the funeral pyre] All will be well. Don't be afraid.

Eric Northman:
[weakly] I'm not afraid. I'm pissed off.

Warrior 2:
[hearing rushing noises] Who's there? Show yourself!

[is promptly killed along with Warrior 1]

Eric Northman:
[seeing a boy with ancient Roman tattoos] Are you Death?

Godric:
I am.

Eric Northman:
You're just a little boy.

Godric:
I'm not.

Eric Northman:
My men?

Godric:
Dead.

Eric Northman:
You swine!

Godric:
I watched you in the battlefield last night. I never saw anyone fight like you.

Eric Northman:
I would fight you now if I could.

Godric:
[almost laughing] I know. It's beautiful.

Eric Northman:
What are you waiting for? Kill me.

Godric:
Could you be a companion of death? Could you walk with me through the world? Through dark? I'll teach you all I know. I'll be your father, your brother, your child.

Eric Northman:
...What is in it for me?

Godric:
What you love most... life.

Eric Northman:
[considering]... Life.

Daphne:
[walking through the woods, undressing] You're carrying that secret like a two-ton sack of feed on your back and it doesn't have to be that way.

Sam Merlotte:
Secret? What secret?

Daphne:
[going behind a tree] Fiber!

Sam Merlotte:
I ain't in the mood tonight, little girl... Daphne? [picking up her clothes, seeing a fawn] Well, hey.

Daphne:
[shifting back] Hey your own self.

Sam Merlotte:
[surprised] Y-you're a...

Daphne:
A shapeshifter and proud of it!

Sam Merlotte:
How'd you... how'd you find out about me?

Daphne:
Last night in the woods, I watched a dog jump in the water and it came up you.

Daphne:
[hearing people near by, to Sam] Oh crap. Hand me my drawers.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[about vampires] They can't glamor me. Can they glamor you?

Barry:
No, but I fake it.

Bill Compton:
[about her menu-ordered blood donor] Jessica, we discussed this.

Jessica Hamby:
All I did was order him off the menu. You didn't say not to order off the menu.

Bill Compton:
I would no more allow you to feed on that young man than to watch pornography on television!

Barry:
Why won't you leave me alone?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Because I've never met another telepath. Have you?

Barry:
No, and don't say that word.

Sookie Stackhouse:
It's what you are. Nobody else knows what it's like to be us. We need to stick together. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Barry:
Yes it is! My life is sh*t. I can't do anything normal people do. If I'm not around a bunch of vampires, I can't hardly think straight.

Sookie Stackhouse:
I used to feel exactly the same. Like I had a disability.

Barry:
More like a curse.

Sookie Stackhouse:
But lately since I met my boyfriend, it seems like telepathy can come in handy some times. You can even make a little money.

Barry:
Then you're even crazier than I am.

Bill Compton:
[waking up as she comes back to bed] I dreamed you were gone.

Sookie Stackhouse:
You did?... That's funny, 'cause I was.

Bill Compton:
[chiding] Sookie...

Sookie Stackhouse:
It was only for a few minutes. I had to. Bill, it's the most amazin' thing. I met another telepath and he's not a vampire or very good at it. Oh, it's wonderful knowin' there's somebody besides me.

Bill Compton:
You made him aware of your gift after everything I've said?

Sookie Stackhouse:
Not on purpose. We were in each other's heads before we knew it. I thought you'd be happy for me.

Bill Compton:
The more people know what you do, the harder it is for me to protect you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
[about Barry] He can't even admit what he is to himself. He's not gonna do any talkin' about it.

Bill Compton:
You can't be sure.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Yes, I can. I'm good at this. Look, if all we're supposed to do in Dallas is shut up and take orders, I might as well be slingin' beers at Merlotte's. You're the one who told me I was more than a waitress.

Bill Compton:
You are. But...

Sookie Stackhouse:
What?

Bill Compton:
Never mind.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Talk to me. Lean on me. I've leaned on you plenty.

Bill Compton:
Well, here I am responsible for you and Jessica. Yet no decisions are mine. It makes me feel...

Sookie Stackhouse:
Like a human?

Bill Compton:
Like a waitress.

Sookie Stackhouse:
You're walkin' in my shoes and it's givin' you blisters.

Bill Compton:
Eric is strangely intent about all this. It's not like him. I don't trust it.

Sookie Stackhouse:
Don't you worry about Eric. We'll do the job and go home. A deal's a deal.

Bill Compton:
Sookie, you know what he's like. It's not like him to break a contract with a girl.

Sookie Stackhouse:
A woman... he needs me. He won't wanna make me mad.

Bill Compton:
...I can't lose you.

Sookie Stackhouse:
You never will.

Sam Merlotte:
[in his office] Where the f*** have you been?... Couldn't pick up the damn phone?

Lafayette Reynolds:
[trying sincerely] Sorry.

Sam Merlotte:
Well 'sorry''s not good enough. Not only did you leave us high and dry. But there are people here who give a sh*t about you. We didn't know if you were alive or dead... You know ordinarily, right about now you'd be telling me to f*** off in some colorful and creative way. You wanna talk, do some talkin'.

Lafayette Reynolds:
Sam, all I wanna know is can I have my job back?

Sam Merlotte:
Now I oughta tell you to f*** off. All that pressure in the kitchen just about put Terry back in the V.A. hospital... Of course you can have your job back. Place ain't the same without you.

Tara Thornton:
Did you know MaryAnn wants us all to be roommates here?

Eggs:
No. Cool. I guess that other guy came back from Peru.

Tara Thornton:
No, not cool! Not gonna happen. I just moved in.

Eggs:
Okay, fine. We can go some where else if that's how you feel about it.

Tara Thornton:
That's all you gotta say?

Eggs:
Relax. It's not big deal.

Tara Thornton:
What are you? What are you? Nomads?

Eggs:
We move around a little bit. Nothing wrong with that.

Tara Thornton:
Wait nothing! I didn't know. You coulda told me.

Eggs:
Who cares? What matters is being with the people you love.

Tara Thornton:
Well, other things matter too! Like knowin' the truth about the poeople you love. So while we're on the subject, what exactly is your 'thing' with MaryAnn?

Eggs:
Look, when I was ready to lay down and die she lifted me up. Same as she did you.

Tara Thornton:
Now you follow here where ever she goes?

Eggs:
I'm not her dog if that's what you're trying to say. And why all of a sudden are you so paranoid about MaryAnn?

Tara Thornton:
Because I'm tryin' not to be a fool.

Eggs:
You know what this is about? Your history is so f***ed up, you have no clue what family is.

Tara Thornton:
[hurt] That's not fair. I do have a clue.

Eggs:
Who gives a damn about a house. MaryAnn, Carl, and me; we take care of each other. We took care of you. That's what family is, Tara.