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If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been.
– Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at some guys, throw one of those little baby-type pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think of how crazy war is, and while they're thinking, you can throw a real grenade.
– Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If you're in trouble, or hurt or need -- go to the poor people. They're the only ones that'll help -- the only ones.
– John Steinbeck
If you're masochistic enough to program in ADA, we're not going to stop you.
– Matt Welsh
If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances.
– Julia Sorel
If you're not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there.
– Martin Luther
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
– Woody Allen
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
– Henry J. Tillman
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem, but the perpetual human predicament is that the answer soon poses its own problems.
– Sydney Harris
If you're not RelaxNG, you're working to hard!
– Scott Hudson
If you're overwhelmed, lost, or like you life is out of control, do whatever you can that matters to someone else or ever did to you... it might not help, but it certainly won't hurt.
– Ingrid Weir
If you're pretty happy, but you have a little Chihuahua that's always biting you on the ankles, still that's pretty good isn't it I'm going to go ahead and keep you in the 'happy' category.
– Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If you're robbing a bank, and your pants suddenly fall down, I think it's okay to laugh, and to let the hostages laugh too, because come on, life is funny.
– Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If you're Scalia, what's the first thing you do? Lecture the other members of the Court.
– Ira Carmen
If you're traveling in a time machine, and you're eating corn on the cob, I don't think it's going to affect things one way or the other. But here's the point I'm trying to make Corn on the cob is good, isn't it.
– Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If you're trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I've had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it
– Michael Jordan
If you're trying to remember a happy memory, don't think back to a time when you were ALSO thinking of a happy memory, because man, how long does this go on
– Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If you're trying to take a roomful of people by surprise, it's a lot easier to hit your targets if you don't yell going through the door.
– Lois McMaster Bujold
If you're ugly, then vail not your eyes, but your veil.
– Volodymyr Knyr
If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress.
– Barack Obama
If you've been counting on humans all these while. Desist from doing that. I mean, never count wholly on any human. Rather, count wholly/only on God almighty. Because humans can fail/dissappoint you even when you least expect it from them. But on the other hand, God cannot fail you. For, he's too faithful to fail/disappoint anyone (Hebrews 11 : 11). As a matter of fact, he (God) has never failed those who were before you like Abraham, Moses, Joshua among others. And so, likewise he (God) can't fail you. Moreover, God is always ready to go extra mile just to prove his faithfulness unlike humans.
– Emeasoba George
If you've broken the eggs, you should make the omelette.
– Sir Robert Anthony Eden
If you've got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow
– John Wayne
If you've got to resist, you're chances of being hurt are less the more lethal your weapon. If that were my wife, would I want her to have a .38 Special in her hand Yeah.
– Dr. Arthur Kellerman
If you've never been hated by your child, you've never been a parent.
– Bette Davis

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