Found 2,096 quotes starting with IF:


If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But ONLY if you're serious about adopting the vulture.
– Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If your going to bow out, do it in style.
– Nezbite
If your head is wax, don't walk in the sun.
– Benjamin Franklin
If your heart were sincere and upright, every creature would be unto you a looking-glass of life and a book of holy doctrine.
– Thomas à Kempis
If your house is on fire, warm yourself by it.
– Danish proverb
If your imagination leads you to understand how quickly people grant your requests when those requests appeal to their self-interest, you can have practically anything you go after.
– Napoleon Hill
If your intelligence and your luck are on your side, you don’t need angels!
– Mehmet Murat ildan
If your job is to leaven ordinary lives with elevating spectacle, be elevating or be gone.
– George Will
If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don't let him just play it once or twice and then throw it away. Make him practice on it, every day, for about three hours a day. Later, he'll thank you.
– Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If your life was a video game, would you turn it off?
– Devo
If your mind is tired, go get work in the fields!
– Mehmet Murat ildan
If your morals make you dreary, depend on it , they are wrong.
– Robert Louis Stephenson
If your morals make you dreary, depend upon it they are wrong. I do not say give them up, for they may be all you have; but conceal them like a vice, lest they should spoil the lives of better and simpler people.
– Robert Louis Stevenson
If your only goal is to become rich, you will never achieve it.
– John D. Rockefeller
If your only measure of value is color, then you shall never appreciate the transparence of diamonds.
– Ameer Sadet Mahdy
If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either.
– Dick Cavett
If your prayers were always answered, you'd have a reason to doubt the wisdom of God.
– Unknown
If your presence doesn't make a difference, your words can never create effect.
– Vikrant Parsai
If your professor wrote it, it's as near to the truth as you ever need to get.
– John Watson
If your religion does not make you holy, it will damn you. It is simply painted pageantry to go to hell in.
– Charles Haddon Spurgeon
If your selfish goal will be useful to humanity, then let your selfish goal be triumphant!
– Mehmet Murat ildan
If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.
– Fran Lebowitz
If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it
– Jonathan Winters
If your stories were real I would scream my dissolution amongst the searching soul; if wishes were not so unreal I would disappear, careless, in the wind; and if words were not all vain and meaningless I would tell everyone that life is a state of mind and we are nothing but what we have been told. If changing the world really meant something I would form a new fucking republic; and if truth existed I would kill philosophy; if god existed I would be scared.
– Marc Broude
If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all.
– Anna Quindlen

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