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Security Mall Guard:
Um, did y'all get a permit to put up this shed?

Gary Bunda (as Elf Worker):
I don't think we did.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

[Krampus licking Ethan's arm devilishly]

Gary Bunda:
Oh, no, no, no. Krampus is feeling tired.

Krampus:
Wait. Wait, Ethan. Take a ruten bundle to remind you that I am always there. Always watching.

Gary Bunda:
Okay, Ethan. We're gonna go say hi to your Mom, okay?

Ethan:
Mommy!

Ethan's Mom:
Ethan?! Come here! Come here, baby.

Krampus:
It's too late for Ethan. He's on the list. He's on the list! [giggles]

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Ethan's Mom:
You closed the door. I can't see my son anymore.

Claude (as Elf Worker):
If you pay for the package, you can get a video and you'll see everything going on in there.

Ethan's Mom:
Why can't you just leave the door open?

Claude (as Elf Worker):
It's gonna freak you out.

Ethan's Mom:
It's gonna what?

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Krampus:
Hello, Ethan Rakestraw.

Ethan:
How do you know my last name?

Krampus:
I know everything about you, young Ethan. Come here. Sit on my bony, mite-covered lap.

Krampus:
I know that you pee in the shower, and I know that you broke your sister's iPad, and you said it fell.

Krampus:
[to Gary] Close the shed! Close the shed!

Ethan:
Mommy!

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Claude (as Elf Worker):
For $24.99, you can get a package that includes and 8x10.

Ethan's Mom:
We just wanted to see Santa. Right, Ethan? Okay. Go on. Go see Santa. Hey, Ethan. Smile big for mommy.

Claude (as Elf Worker):
You're just gonna lie to my face and stand here and take pictures with your cellphone?

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Claude:
So, what do you say? Are you interested in working with us on this?

Krampus:
Fetch my drowning tub. Krampus is back! [does a silly dance]

Gary Bunda:
I don't like the dance, but I appreciate why you're doing it.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Krampus:
Satan needs me to keep the children in line. The ones that are left.

[Krampus rubs his stomach smoothly while giggling knowing what he did to those kids in the past times]

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Krampus:
Kids today. Every time they fart, they get a trophy.

Krampus:
When they got rid of spanking, that's when the whole world went down the crapper.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Krampus:
I tried to get Gumphanickel to follow in my footsteps. [looks at his son deadly] This one isn't interested unless it's a horn to carve.

Gumphanickel:
They warn the villagers of avalanches!

Krampus:
They cause avalanches, Gumphanickel!

Krampus:
Why do you think that the horn blast happens and then the snow falls?! Are you trying to warn them in the future?

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Gary Bunda:
Hey, Claude, how did you beat me here?

Claude:
Did you teleport to the bottom of the mountain? Are you that stupid?

Gary Bunda:
[sarcastically] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I teleported at the bottom of the mountain and then I climbed all the way up just to get here, and then I nearly lost my balls because I "made my harness too tight."

Claude:
Are you saying what you actually did, but in a sarcastic voice?

Gary Bunda:
Yes.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Krampus:
Close the door. I'm not paying to heat the whole outdoors.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Krampus:
When I press the TV button, it's broken 'cause the volume goes away. And then I press it again and volume comes back.

Claude:
Right, that's the mute button.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Gumphanickel:
[blows the horn for entrance] Would you like to try to blow the horn?

Gary Bunda:
Your lips have been on it, so I don't...

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Gary Bunda:
Are you Krampus?

Gumphanickel:
[German accent] No. I'm Gumphanickel. You're looking for my Dad.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Satan:
Guten Krampus Nacht! Guten Krampus Nacht, VC! [plays with VC's real belly again] Guten Krampus Nacht, everyone!

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Gary Bunda:
Who's Krampus?

Satan:
Friend of mine. We used to hang out in Eastern Europe in the 1800s. Here, I got some pictures. Take a look.

Gary Bunda:
Hmm.

Satan:
Krampus was intense. Let me tell you. That guy was insane. I'd love to see these helicopter parents today. If Krampus was to stuff their little brats into his drowning tub. Ugh!

Gary Bunda:
[concerned] So he drowns the children?

Satan:
No, not all of 'em. See, that's Krampus. You know, it's like, no, maybe he'll just hit them with a shoe or he'll put them in his gypsy cart. You never see 'em again. You don't know with this guy.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Claude:
What is all this? Is that a stocking?

Gary Bunda:
I made it for Satan. It's out of VC's belly meat. VC, you ready?

[Gary plays with VC's real belly while VC screams in pain]

Claude:
You do realize that this holiday celebrates the birth of Satan's sworn enemy.

Satan:
It's alright, Claude. Christmas has become so commercialized that Jesus doesn't even get the credit anymore.

Gary Bunda:
Yeah, we got his ass.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Gary Bunda:
Can -- Can I have some of it?

Claude:
[drunk] We'll share it.

Gary Bunda:
Okay, cool, so I...I can have my half?

Claude:
[drunk] There's a little bit more left of my half, I think.

Gary Bunda:
Cool.

[Claude drinks the last Spunk bottle quickly]

Claude:
[drunk] I'll tell you this, you're gonna like this when it gets to you.

Gary Bunda:
Yeah, I bet. I'd love to have some of it.

Eddie:
[far away in the audience] YOU SUCK!

Claude:
[drunk] Comrade. [gives the bottle to Gary]

[When Gary drinks the last bottle of Spunk, he notices something odd]

Gary Bunda:
You prick! This is mostly backwash!

Claude:
[drink] You ain't got to riot. I'm tired.

[Gary and Claude start to hallucinate each other while their heads blow up]

Gary & Claude:
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fin-- [Gary and Claude's heads blows up]

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

[Gary and Claude try to fight each other while being hanged in The Bone Dome]

Gary Bunda:
How am I supposed to fight him?

Claude:
[drunk] Yeah, swing over here and say that to my face!

Gary Bunda:
I can't even see him! How are we supposed to fight each other, I can't even see him.

Satan:
Just lower them down. It's not working. Just lower them down, we'll have them...

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

[Satan & Claude came to see the incident of what happened to the spider's ejaculation]

Eddie:
[sobs] His dick came off in my hand! He had nothing left! He gave us all that he had!

Satan:
Look, we're just gonna move our delivery date back. Now, when do we ship?

Claude:
[drunk] There's only one bottle left. Production f***ed up.

Satan:
One bottle?

Claude:
[drunk] Mm-hmm, small batch. Artisanal. We get 'em hooked, we have 'em right where we went them.

Satan:
WHO ARE WE GONNA HOOK WITH ONE BOTTLE?!

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

[After seeing the "Spunk" commercial in the editing room]

Mike:
I -- I don't like it, either.

Satan:
What, I --

Mike:
It needs a button.

Satan:
Why is VC's head in the one cut but not in the next shot?

Mike:
His head is gone.

Satan:
Yeah, that makes no sense. Why is VC's head gone?

Mike:
I don't know. Why would you -- Why is his head gone?

Claude:
[drunk] It's a creative decision that I made, and I stand by it 100% but we'll get rid of it 'cause it sucks.

Mike:
Yeah, I mean, there's certain things you have to do when you make a commercial.

Claude:
Then do them.

Mike:
Well, no, I need to get so I can do it.

Claude:
"Oh, I need to get." You know who didn't need to get? Stephen Spielberg.

Satan:
Can you fix this at all?

Mike:
It's gonna take some time. You guys might not even need to be here for it.

Satan:
You got time. Guess what, you got time.

Software Demon Employee:
You could use that yodeler as a button. I always thought that yodeler was pretty funny.

Satan:
I don't understand. Why would the yodeler -- What about yodeling has to do with Spunk?

Software Demon Employee:
It has nothing to do with it. That's what's funny about it.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

[VC's head starts to inflate]

Gary Bunda:
VC, uh, you doin' alright?

VC:
I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm fine.

Gary Bunda:
Okay, sure, yeah.

VC:
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, [speaks intensely] I'M FINE, I'M FINE, I'M FINE, I'M FINE, I'M FINE!

[VC's head explodes]

Claude:
[drunk] The couch is dirty. Let's 86 the couch.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

[The employees begin shooting the "Spunk" commercial]

Benji:
Tailgate Tony doesn't know what to bring to the Tailgate.

Ted:
Hey, dudes, I brought my Uncle Gunther. He likes to yodel.

Uncle Gunther:
[yodeling]

Claude:
[drunk] VC, when he yodels, your mug's gonna shatter. It's gonna be a cutaway, but --

VC:
What if I say, "Why is there a yodeler at this tailgate?"

Claude:
[drunk] No, don't do that. Don't follow your instincts. Those are really bad instincts, alright?

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

Dizzay:
Hey, hey, Claude, I don't have any lines or no seat or anything, man. Wha -- What's -- What do want me to do?

Claude:
[drunk] Oh, Dizzay, you're just gonna be there, hanging out, appealing to the urban market, alright?

Claude:
[drunk] I know you wouldn't hang with these guys in real life because they're old and weird, but be dope and fresh and hang tough.

Dizzay:
[tired] Yeah, man. Yeah.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
2 months ago

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