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Lois:
[on phone] Hey, Francis. How's school?

Francis:
Oh, couldn't be better, Mom. My new roommate showed me how to kill mice with a hammer yesterday, so between that and the general atmosphere of simmering homoeroticism, I think I'm really starting to turn around.

Malcolm in the Middle (2000)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Major Kira:
Dukat wanted the station back? He can have it!

[after destroying the station's computer system]

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Ms. Botz:
You're going to watch this tape, and you're going to do what I say or I'm going to do something to you. And I don't know what that is because everyone has always done what I say!

The Simpsons (1989)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Adam Sewell:
You guys are so cute.

Cybernatural (2014)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Sona:
[to Ram] By the way, how many girlfriends do you have?

Ram:
Hmmm... 14, including you!

Sona:
Hey! I'm not your girlfriend!

Ramaiya Vastavaiya (2013)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Frank McGovern:
He wants the school board commissioner to allow the kids to unionize and safe passage to Venezuela... that was a joke.

The Trotsky (2009)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Marcos:
What are you readin'?

Krissie Valentine:
It's none of your business.

Marcos:
Touchy, touchy.

Marcos:
Yeah. Hard cover - bad sign.

Tommy:
Yeah. She took off the dust jacket - that's another bad sign.

Marcos:
Mm-hmm. Too small for a technical book.

Tommy:
Way too thin for a novel.

Marcos:
Very suspicious. Pornography?

Acapulco H.E.A.T. (1993)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

[Archer has accidentally spilled a viscous liquid over Phlox]

Captain Jonathan Archer:
That stuff isn't poisonous, is it?

[Phlox takes some of it on his finger and tastes it]

Dr. Phlox:
Nah, I'll be fine.

Enterprise (2001)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Pete Montee:
[Concerning his missing girlfriend] I always did like her when her hair was black... blacker than a dark alley on skid row.

Man with a Camera (1958)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Major Kira:
[to Odo] Either we get a more reasonable commander from Starfleet, someone we can control - or we go it alone. With me running this place, you will be able to do what needs to be done. If you want to toss Quark out on his ears, toss him out. If you want to proclaim martial law on the promenade, proclaim it. This station will be yours to protect, with no interference.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Homer:
I don't have to be careful. I have a gun.

The Simpsons (1989)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

The Soldier:
I forgot to tell you, the reward for capturing a live enemy general is land, cash, and exemption from military service. Exemption from military service for life! Only tilling land. No need to go to war.

the General:
There's always a victor in a war. Only when the victor has unified the world will there be true peace so little men like you can lead a regular life.

The Soldier:
You know what? If you hadn't gone to war with us, I could have been living this life right now!

Da bing xiao jiang (2010)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Grigori Rasputin:
I only know I have this power. I have always had this power. I can feel it burning within me, driving me on. It is here inside me. It is in my hands. And I warn you, I warn you all that I, Grigory Yefimovich Rasputin, intend to use it. The power is mine and I will continue to use it as I please.

Rasputin: The Mad Monk (1966)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Deedee Rodgers:
I know you're angry.

Emilia:
I'm not angry.

Deedee Rodgers:
You damn well are. You're just covering it up with ice. That little Russian behaved like a bastard, so you're taking it out on me.

The Turning Point (1977)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Memo Hatzidimitropoulos:
[to Skip] When I get married, my wife, he probably have triplicates.

Acropolis Now (1989)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Captain Jonathan Archer:
Seventy-eight light years to get here and our first act is breaking and entering.

Commander Charles 'Trip' Tucker III:
Maybe you don't have to mention this part in your log.

Enterprise (2001)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Kublai Khan:
It's the cocoon that gives the silk. Comes out like sweet milk, then hardens. Ugly worm turns into an ugly moth, but leaves such treasure behind. Then some child somewhere crushes the moth, but the silk is still mine. The worm, the silk, the child, all mine. You will be spared. Your father and uncle will be sentenced. Artful color will not alter their character.

Marco Polo:
What is their punishment?

Kublai Khan:
It is on this that I dwell.

Marco Polo (2014)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

[Zek has broken up with Ishka]

Ishka:
[sobbing] He said I didn't really love him, that I was just using him. That I was a scheming, profit-hungry female who couldn't keep her clothes off!

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Principal Skinner:
Lisa, your outburst was either a sign of deep emotional imbalance, or a passionate response to a sobering truth. Luckily the treatment for both is intensive therapy.

The Simpsons (1989)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Match:
[to Jack] You gotta stop thinking with your dick!

Dak ging san yan lui (1999)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Charlie Kenton:
Max, Max, I... I really want you to know... no, I need you to know that...

Max Kenton:
I know. Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me.

Real Steel (2011)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Ricky Gervais:
You know early Christians were called atheists by the Romans because they didn't believe in all the gods. I mean that's what atheism is really, it's the belief in one less god than you.

The Unbelievers (2013)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Roger Clair:
[Janine won't go on stage during a swimwear presentation] My dear, I don't care if Lucifer himself is here, the show must go on!

Adam Adamant Lives! (1966)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

[Archer has been ordered on an urgent mission to transport a Vulcan ambassador off the planet Mazar]

Captain Jonathan Archer:
Any idea what the emergency is?

Admiral Maxwell Forrest:
Well, this may come as a shock to you, Jon, but the Vulcans aren't talking.

Captain Jonathan Archer:
Imagine that.

Enterprise (2001)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

Terry Cherry:
[orgasmic] Oh, Luke, Luke, Luke!

Sherry Cherry:
He's not here, Sis!

Married with Children (1987)

added by anonymous
1 year ago

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