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Benji:
What are you doing?

Dustin Diamond:
Trying to kill myself.

Audience:
[laughter]

Troy:
Judging by his bowling game, I don't blame him. [Waa - Waa sound effect]

Gary Bunda:
Seriously, though, you can't kill yourself. We've all tried thousands of times.

Dustin Diamond:
Are you serious?

Gary Bunda:
[deadpan] Tens of thousand of times.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
6 hours ago

Gary Bunda:
I want a catch phrase.

Dustin Diamond:
RAZZLEBERRIES!

Gary Bunda:
BOOB FARTS!

Dustin Diamond:
RAZZLEBERRIES!

Gary Bunda:
BOOB FARTS!

Dustin Diamond:
Oh, bullsh*t! RAZZLEBERRIES!

Gary Bunda:
BOOB FARTS!

Dustin Diamond:
COME ON!

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
7 hours ago

Dustin Diamond:
RAZZLEBERRIES! Why the hell did I just say that? Oh, "Razzleberries" better not be my catch phrase. RAZZLEBERRIES! Oh, come on, I'm being forced to say it! RAZZLEBERRIES! HOW IS THIS FAIR?! RAZZLEBERRIES! I can't even breath!

[back at Satan's office where Satan and Claude are watching Dustin's hilarious quote]

Satan:
See, that -- That's gonna be the next "Dyno-mite." you know?

Claude:
What is that?

Satan:
Well, that's a -- That's a catch phrase, Claude. You know, like, "Hey, sit on it, Potsie." "Nanu nanu"? "Dee plane, dee plane"? "Jane, you ignorant slut, you"? Uh, "Yeah, that's the ticket"? Uh, "No soup for you"?

Claude:
I don't get any of those references.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
7 hours ago

Claude:
Wow, A hacky sitcom star being forced to star in a hacky sitcom in Hell for all of eternity? Pretty genius, sir.

Satan:
Hacky?

Claude:
I-Uh, no, it's funny, funny.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
7 hours ago

Dustin Diamond:
Um, why is it snowing inside the house?

Sitcom Mother:
Honey, remember when you said, "It'll be a cold day in Hell" before you let anyone touch your prize bowling ball?

Dustin Diamond:
I've never said that.

Sitcom Mother:
Get in here, Levi!

Levi:
Papa, it's stuck. [Levi shows Dustin that his penis is stuck in one of the bowling ball holes]

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
7 hours ago

Gary Bunda:
Okay, listen. Don't freak out. You're in Hell.

Dustin Diamond:
What?

Gary Bunda:
Yeah.

Dustin Diamond:
Why?

Gary Bunda:
For a lot of reasons that I think that you know.

Audience:
[laughter]

Gary Bunda:
Satan's a huge fan, though, and he wants you to reprise your most popular role as loveable goofball, Squeak.

Dustin Diamond:
You are aware that it's Screech, though, right?

Gary Bunda:
Listen to me, alright. It's Squeak, because Satan thinks that it's Squeak, so it's Squeak from now on, alright? I never want to hear the word "Screech" ever again.

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
7 hours ago

Dustin Diamond:
Hey, what the [bleep] is going on here? Why can't I say [bleep]?

Gary Bunda:
It's network standards. Ain't it a [silly bleep cartoon sound effects]

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
7 hours ago

Prisoner:
Yo, Sheik. Shriek. Shrek [laughing]

Dustin Diamond:
It's Dustin Diamond, man.

Prisoner:
I'm bored, Squeak. Hey, why don't you squeak out one of them funny TV jokes like you used to do back in the day, Squeak?

Dustin Diamond:
Alright, I got a funny joke for you. I get out tomorrow, and you've got six more years for selling weed. [chuckles]

Prisoner:
[scoffs] You're not gonna get saved by the bell this time, Squeak.

[Prisoner stabs Dustin Diamond brutally a dozen times]

Dustin Diamond:
[weak] It's Screech.

Prisoner:
Go to hell!

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
7 hours ago

News Reporter Man on TV:
Baptist church officials has organized a book barbecue to deal with the offensive mysterious flesh books.

Preacher on TV:
And if you've got any rap CDs that talks about butts or copies of Judy Blume's "Superfudge," we'll burn those for you as well.

Claude (as Maid):
We just wasted our time. Help me make the bed.

Eddie (as Maid #2):
My god! Gary's in one of those books!

[knocking continues]

Eddie (as Maid #2):
STOP KNOCKING! WE'RE STILL CLEANING!

Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)

added by timothyj.29104
1 day ago

Saul:
Who's that old guy?

Kortoz:
That's Luas, the wise one. Luas is the reason why we spin. We spin to commune with Luas.

Saul:
Well, I got a few questions I'd like to ask someone like that. Can I talk to him?

Kortoz:
No. [laughter] It takes years of spinning to make that level, bro. None of us have even met him, much less a newbie like you.

Saul:
But I --

Kortoz:
[normal voice] No, dude. No, it's not gonna happen.

[Saul spins with all his might, which actually made him to move upwards more than ever]

Blaze Child #2:
No way! He's ascending.

Kortoz:
Grab his ankle. Grab his ankle!

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Saul:
What would John Henry do?

John Henry Thought Bubble:
Free your ass, and your mind will follow.

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Kortoz:
Welcome, my brother.

Saul:
What the hell are you?

Kortoz:
Well, they call me Kortoz, but we don't need to get into all those labels and names, man. It's so ego-y?

Saul:
Ego-y?

Kortoz:
Crass notions like ego, they'll be left in the digital dust as we spin towards pure energy. Won't you join us?

Saul:
What are you, nuts?

Denise:
He's resisting.

Blaze Child:
He's too uptight.

Kortoz:
Perhaps you're right. This dude is too immature.

Denise:
But we can't give up on him.

Kortoz:
[normal voice] I said he's not ready. Denise?

[Denise feels sorry for herself]

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

STRATA Operator #2:
[gasping] Air thin. Pressure...crushing.

STRATA Operator #1:
Would you stop saying that already? You're wasting oxygen.

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Hallucination John Henry:
You've go to look your weakness in the eye and stare it down.

Saul:
[gasps] Oh, my god!

[Saul sees his weakness as a disgusted face made of green mush]

Saul:
No, I can't look at it. It's too painful.

Hallucination John Henry:
But you must.

Saul:
No, I'm afraid.

Hallucination John Henry:
That's just it, Saul. You've always been afraid. Afraid of people. You try to preempt their condemnation by judging them first. Thusly, you've become another victim of A.N.S. -- Arrogant Nerd Syndrome!

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

STRATA Operator #2:
You saved our life, and the drillship floats. How did you know?

STRATA Operator #1:
I-I didn't know. I was in a euphoric state because I'd taken the life of a man with my bare hands. But now that you mention it, I don't think it does float.

[the drillship shakes rapidly while drowning]

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

John Henry:
Saul, I want you to have something to remember me by.

[John unbutton his overalls]

John Henry:
Now reach over here and grab it. Get over here! This ain't no sex thing!

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Captain:
Ship is sinking. We have to Jettison Cargo.

STRATA Operator #1:
[finds a Johnny Tambourine box doll] What about this crap?

Captain:
Ah, that's not crap. That Johnny Tambourine merchandise. This giant drillship -- That crap.

STRATA Operator #1:
Over my dead --

[Captain tries to shoot STRATA Operator #1]

Captain:
Damn! Moved like cat.

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

John Henry:
Saul Malone, I'd make a wish and blow out the candle, but it's the only flame, and there ain't any more matches.

Saul:
Now, don't tell me I can't buy you things. I make my own damn money --

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

[STRATA Operator #1 and 2, and the Captain went into the storm]

Captain:
You say you want to go to hell?! Here you are!

STRATA Operator #1:
Nobody said we wanted to go to hell!

STRATA Operator #2:
Aaaah! Why do they call it "Remains Of the Day"?

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Saul:
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?!

John Henry:
What am I? Not sure I even know anymore. But I think they used to call me Henry -- John Henry.

Saul:
The steel-driving man? But wait. John Henry died battling a mighty steam engine...in a digging contest...with a hammer in his hand!

John Henry:
That's a damn lie! I ain't never died. And that old iron bitch has never quit.

John Henry:
Man versus Machine. Piston vs Muscle. We done fought so long, we done forgot what we're fighting for. We done fought so long, we don't know where one ended and the other begun!

[John Henry reveals to himself that has a steel armed tool in one of his arms]

Saul:
AAAAAAAH!

John Henry:
Yell like you never yelled before! But one thing is for sure, boy! You with me now! And you always will be!

[Saul still continues to scream like a maniac]

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

STRATA Operator #2:
Captain, we must get this drillship to Indochina now.

Captain:
We sail directly into storm. Make better time. And from there, to hell, boys. To hell. [laughs evilly]

Captain:
So, anybody want to watch a video?

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Saul:
If I have one regret, it's the solitary, friendless, lonely life I've led...and the choices I've made. I guess that's two things.

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Saul:
All your drunken digging has made the entire wall unstable. We need to rope off this entire --

[Saul gets stuck inside the hole due to an random earthquake]

Bertrum:
BLAH!

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

Bertrum:
This is no time for taking a load off. You are the supervising geologist on Project Thunder Hole. You signed a contract. Did you think that was the extent of your duties?

Saul:
You said once you had my signature, you'd have no further use for me!

Bertrum:
Eh, colorful expression.

Saul of the Mole Men (2007)

added by timothyj.29104
2 days ago

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