Daria

Daria

Daria is an American adult animated sitcom created by Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis Lynn. The series ran from March 3, 1997 to January 21, 2002 on MTV. It is a spin-off of Mike Judge's earlier animated Beavis and Butt-Head series, in which Daria appeared as a recurring character. Although Judge agreed to release the character to allow her to appear in the spin-off, he had no involvement in the production of Daria, as he was busy working on King of the Hill. In June 2018, MTV announced a reboot of the series, tentatively titled Daria & Jodie.

Year:
1997
4,112 Views

Ms. Angela Li:
Hello, Mrs. Morgendorffer, this is Angela Li, principle of Lawndale High.

Helen Morgendorffer:
Yes, Ms. Li, how may I help you?

Ms. Angela Li:
Mrs. Morgendorffer, I'm afraid I have some rather bad news. Your daughter, Daria, appears to have been involved in an act of vandalism.

Helen Morgendorffer:
What?

Ms. Angela Li:
Mrs. Morgendorffer, your daughter collaborated with Jane Lane in the creation of a poster for our art contest...

Helen Morgendorffer:
Yes, I'm aware of that.

Ms. Angela Li:
We found part of the poster unacceptable, so it was altered prior to it's entry. Unfortunately, someone defaced the poster while it was on display, and since your daughter and Miss Lane had objected to changing it, I must assume they were the vandals. I'm afraid I'm going to have to take drastic action.

Helen Morgendorffer:
Wait a moment, you're saying the girls were against changing the poster, but entered it in the contest anyway?

Ms. Angela Li:
It was entered for them.

Helen Morgendorffer:
I'm under the impression that participation in this contest was voluntary.

Ms. Angela Li:
It was, but your daughter refused to volunteer, so in her case I made it mandatory.

Helen Morgendorffer:
All right, Ms. Li, let me make sure I have this straight; You took my daughter's poster from her, altered it's content, exhibited it against her will, and are now threatening discipline because you claim she defaced her own property which you admit to stealing?

Ms. Angela Li:
That's not what I said at all!

Helen Morgendorffer:
Ms. Li, are you familiar with the phrase "Violation of Civil Liberties"?

Ms. Angela Li:
I...

Helen Morgendorffer:
[Interrupting] And the phrase "Big fat lawsuit"?

Daria Morgendorffer:
...so that's it. Of all the guys in the world to kiss, I pick the one who's going out with my best friend. Now I don't know what's going on, I have nobody to talk to about it, and that's why I came to you.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer:
Oh.

Daria Morgendorffer:
I didn't mean it that way.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer:
Oh. Well, it's not easy being a teenager, Daria. You have all these new feelings and sensations...

Daria Morgendorffer:
Mom, spare me the puberty speech. I kissed my best friend's boyfriend.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer:
I'm sure it was just a one-time...

Daria Morgendorffer:
Twice.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer:
[sighs] It's a lousy situation, Daria. But you didn't set out to hurt anyone.

Daria Morgendorffer:
Neither do those bus drivers who go flying off an embankment on their way to the casino.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer:
Daria... nobody got killed.

Daria Morgendorffer:
No, but I can't imagine how I could have hurt Jane more.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer:
What about Tom?

Daria Morgendorffer:
I'm not thinking about Tom! [sighs] You know... I had everything more or less under control. I'm not saying it was great, but I could deal with school, I could deal with home, and now nothing's under control.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer:
It never is, sweetie. We just tell ourselves otherwise so we can function.

Daria Morgendorffer:
Who came up with that stupid arrangement?

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer:
It's called life.

Daria Morgendorffer:
Life sucks.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer:
Yes. Sometimes... often.

Daria Morgendorffer:
*That's* reassuring.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer:
But it still beats the alternative. Honey, things will work out. I don't know how, but they will.

Daria Morgendorffer:
You don't know how? What kind of parental wisdom is that?

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer:
Honest?

Daria Morgendorffer:
Don't you have to be getting back to that huge case of yours?

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer:
Oh, don't worry about that. It's completely under control.

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane:
Look, I'd like to talk to you, okay?

Daria Morgendorffer:
So, talk.

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane:
Listen, you don't like me and that's fine. There's no reason you should.

Daria Morgendorffer:
I agree.

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane:
But it would be really nice if you could try and get along with me a little. At least in front of Jane.

Daria Morgendorffer:
Why should I?

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane:
Because she's your best friend, and I really like her and want to get to know her.

Daria Morgendorffer:
So?

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane:
So you hating me puts her in a very awkward position.

Daria Morgendorffer:
I don't hate you. I don't even know you. But I'm not going to sit by while you take my friend away.

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane:
I'm not taking your friend away. All she talks about is "Daria said this," "Daria did this," "listen to what Daria told this moron."

Daria Morgendorffer:
Don't bother with the flattery, Tom... I'm immune.

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane:
I'm not flattering you, Daria. I don't care if you don't like me. I'm just saying you'd have to be pretty stupid to think anything or anybody is going to shake your friendship with Jane.

Daria Morgendorffer:
Yeah, pretty stupid. Look, I may conceivably have been acting like a jerk toward you...

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane:
It's possible; don't worry about it.

Daria Morgendorffer:
But you and I are not friends.

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane:
Definitely not.

Daria Morgendorffer:
And even if we were friends, I still wouldn't ride in that car.

Thomas 'Tom' Sloane:
That's just plain common sense.

[Jane and Trent are on a plane on their way to a family reunion which they are not at all thrilled about]

Jane:
Let's talk strategy. I don't wanna arrive without a plan.

Trent Lane:
Hey, I already thought of that. As soon as we get there, we find a bar, and we don't leave it until we're unconscious.

Jane:
Good plan. But, first of all, they probably wouldn't serve me. Second, I don't want to pass out. And third, right before *you* pass out, you'll decide it's time to be *honest* with everyone.

Trent Lane:
Oh, yeah. Bad idea. Don't want to be honest with Aunt Ellie about her vacation pictures.

Jane:
[grimacing in disgust] Or Cousin Jimmy about his modeling career.

Trent Lane:
Or Aunt Bernice about her hats.

Jane:
Who's Aunt Bernice?

Trent Lane:
You know, from Middlebury? She wears those straw hats. Thinks they're country or something. They look like the kind they put on horses to keep the sun off their heads.

[Jane looks over to her left, at a scowling old woman sitting next to her, who happens to be Aunt Bernice - wearing a large straw hat like the ones Trent mentioned. Clearly she heard what Trent said about her]

Jane:
You say she's from Middlebury?

Trent Lane:
Yeah.

Jane:
So, we'd be flying out of the same airport.

Trent Lane:
Yeah, yeah, Janey. What's your point?

[Trent removes his sunglasses, and suddenly notices that Aunt Bernice is sitting near them, glaring at him]

Aunt Bernice:
[sourly] Hello, Trent.

Trent Lane:
[puts his sunglasses on] Um... hello, Aunt Bernice. I like your hat.

[Jane pats her forehead in an "ah, jeez" gesture. Aunt Bernice still looks annoyed]

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